Balls and my Word Vol. 2

The Best (and Worst) Names in Sports by A.T. The Bartender

The Best

5. Atari Bigby (Safety, Green Bay Packers)
The saying, “He makes moves like a video game player,” has been around for a while but this guy brings cred to his name with his joystick moves.

4. Miroslav Satan (Sometime Right Winger, Pittsburgh Penguins)
Naturally, everyone has been waiting for years for him to sign with the New Jersey Devils to create possibly one of the best selling jerseys ever.

3. Anna Smashnova (Tennis player, Israel)
Even before you see her serve, you just have a feeling it’s comin’ in hot.

2. Carlos Boozer (Forward, Utah Jazz)
Kinda’ ironic that this slam-drunkin’ tall drink of vodka and water pours in buckets in the Mormon state, but even more so that (s)wingman Corey Brewer serves him a lot of those pints o’ throw down.

1. Usain Bolt (Sprinter, Jamaica)
I know what you all think, but yes, Usain St. Leo Bolt is the name his Mama gave him. Now if that’s not a name meant to rule human speed like a vicious totalitarian, I don’t know what is. Is it just me or does it sound like a “Flash” comic book super-villain’s alter-ego?

The Worst

5. Paul Dickov (Striker, Derby County Soccer Club)
For years he was known as ‘Pull Dickoff.’ In many media outlets, he’s still listed as that. I personally thought it was a nickname, knowing the weird sh*t soccer players do. (See: Spaniard biting dudes d*ck!)

4. Rudy Gay (Forward, Memphis Grizzlies)
The legend of Marvin makes the last name easier to deal with, but being named after the youngest Huxtable girl makes it a pretty tough combo.

3. Kim Yoo Suk (Pole Vaulter, South Korea)
Probably the only athlete who doesn’t want the crowd to chant his name.

2. De’Cody Fagg (Wide Receiver, Florida State University)
This kid didn’t stand a chance. Just because your dad didn’t change the name, doesn’t mean you couldn’t. Seriously bro, how many fights?

1. Lucious Pusey (Linebacker, Eastern Illinois University)
“Oh, you’re pregnant! Do you know what you’re having?”
“Yes, either a stripper or a porn star!”
I don’t know what his parents were thinking. He finally decided to change his name to Seymour. Now we just have to figure out if that’s his first or last name…