Dog Day Afternoons
I am lucky enough to have adopted the best dog on earth. He is exceedingly well behaved. While this is in part due to his good nature, it also has to do with consistent and informed instruction. An important aspect of this instruction is walking and I walk Chewy (yes, I wish I was Han Solo) every day for at least an hour.
On our walks we meet lots of interesting people. Most just want to say hi to the puppy but occasionally we run into somebody who feels like I need some impromptu lessons in dog training. I hear things like “You can’t say it like that – you have to be calm and assertive,” and “See how I do it? I am relaxed and the dog is relaxed as well.” ….Hey dipshit! You are not the Dog Whisperer.
For the moment, let’s ignore the following: this person is never with a dog (probably doesn’t have one), I have to make Chewy sit because he is oblivious to this person’s calm assertions and is getting all riled up, there is nothing calm or assertive about this person, and this person is hopelessly obese so subsequently wears shorts in 2 degree weather.
Just because you’ve seen an, albeit informative, television program a few times, doesn’t mean you should provide advice based on what you might have picked up between mouthfuls of corn starch. I used to watch Holmes on Holmes a lot and I picked up some good stuff. But I don’t go over to my neighbor’s house and remind the guys installing the weeping tile that, “Doing things to code is only a minimum requirement.” These guys seem to know what they are doing and at the very least I have to assume they know more than I do – they own a business and I just watch TV.
Ok, so walking dogs is not my business but that’s not the point. I own a dog that is well mannered and listens to me. Dipshit over here gets the National Geographic Channel and should mind his own goddamned business.
Interestingly enough, I am a big fan of the Dog Whisperer. I enjoy the show and I subscribe to Cesar Milan’s method. I have read both of his books twice (no bullshit). I make an effort to stay informed and even more of an effort to implement what I learn. I do this to the best of my ability and I certainly don’t get it right all the time. But then, he’s my dog and I’m not the Dog Whisperer either… Dipshit.
– A. Vice
