Your mom heard these albums and was all like, “I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed…”
KRS-One & Buckshot – ‘Survival Skills‘
I love Buckshot. One of the most consistent, yet consistently under-appreciated, veteran rappers out there. Post-1995, KRS has become a cartoon character. My expectations of each cancelled out, and I went into this expecting nothing. The first few songs rule, and I stupidly got excited. He almost makes it through a verse, but I shouldn’t have ruled out KRS’ ability to spew sheer ruinous nonsense. Poor Buckshot gets lost in all the ‘unrational’…
Rakim – ‘The Seventh Seal‘
We waited this long for this shit?! Legend that he is, Rakim’s beat choices are piss. You should’ve done whatever Dre wanted you to, Ra. It would’ve kept this cocoa smear off your track record. I guess you don’t know the ledge anymore, huh?
Prince – ‘LOtUSFLOW3R/MPLSoUND‘
Yeah. I know. I’m the last one to leave the party. You guys all knew since ’92 or some shit. It’s hard to let go when he keeps popping up and killing it in live performances… Also, I get that the small ‘t’ makes it look like a cross, but why is the ‘o’ in MPLSoUND lower case? U used 2 just substi2te numbers 4 letters and <O>’s 4 I’s and such. Are there no limits?!
Eminem – ‘Relapse‘
Good god! Next you’ll tell me Batman was responsible for 9/11! A fixation on an odd accent, some weak choruses, shitty videos and the worst single he’s crafted to date result in another of my personal heroes showing up drunk to my prom and embarrassing me in front of Winnie Cooper. I actually get yelled at by people for this album like I made it. Thanks, Marshall.
Eyedea & Abilities – ‘By The Throat‘
Fuck you for making this, guys. Seriously. I can’t even listen to ‘E&A’ anymore without traumatic flashbacks to this aural ass-explosion. Gay people gay-bash this sopping pile of emo-rap shit. I’d like to make your album title come true. Assholes.
Your dad heard these albums and, after they didn’t make my top 10, was all like, “Album, you’ve got to be number one! I won’t tolerate any losers in this family…Your intensity is for shit! Win. Win! WIN!!!”
Adrian Champion – ‘Stars and Stripes‘
Alex Goose – ‘The Blueprint 3 Outtakes‘
Busta Rhymes – ‘Back On My B.S.‘
Camp Lo – ‘Another Heist‘
Felt – ‘Felt 3: A Tribute To Rosie Perez‘
Get Busy Committee – ‘Uzi Does It‘
Jay-Z – ‘Blueprint 3‘
The Lonely Island – ‘Incredibad‘
Mayer Hawthorne – ‘A Strange Arrangement‘
Method Man/Redman – ‘Blackout 2‘
Mos Def – ‘The Ecstatic‘
Raekwon – ‘Only Built 4 Cuban Links II‘
Slaughterhouse – ‘Slaughterhouse‘
The Slew – ‘100%‘
The Undergods – ‘Canibus and Keith Murray Are…‘
Your creep brother was all like, skulking in the bushes and shit, and caught this shit on camera. Snap it!
Show of the Year: Naughty By Nature @ The Commodore
Music “Video” of the Year: Spike Jonze & Kanye West - We Once Were A Fairytale
Hip Hop Moment of the Year: Mos Def, Black Thought & Eminem – The Cypher
Pretty fuckin’ weird family reunion. But then, aren’t they all?
As you were,
– Nuv
