What These NFL Teams Should Ask Santa For by A.T. The Bartender
Kansas City Chiefs
HANDS
Givin’ Matt Cassell a six year, $60 million contract wouldn’t look sooooo stupid if they didn’t lead the league in dropped passes. Doesn’t help that #1 receiver Dwayne Bowe has been out for cheating.
New England Patriots
A DEFENSIVE UPGRADE
Lots of teams could have asked for a better defence for Christmas, but only one egomaniac didn’t think he had to address it, thinkin’ he could win with anyone. Then his Super Bowl winning ex-players said “Watch this not work.” And they were right. Too bad you don’t have Troy Brown to bail your ass out this time.
Indianapolis Colts
BOB SANDERS
The NFL record for come-from-behind wins in a season? Imagine if the former Defensive Player of the Year was around? It would be a lot less stressful path to a perfect season.
Houston Texans
A PLAYOFF BERTH
EVERYBODY feels a little bad for these guys. Arguably the best young defence in the league and the best receiving monster in Andre Johnson. All it would take is one post-season try to save Kubiak’s job and not have ‘Dre, the best player NOBODY sees, ask for a trade.
Oakland Raiders
A HARDER SCHEDULE
With the best record against the best teams in the league, maybe they just need it kicked up a notch to show up. Whutup Bengals, Steelers, Broncos…
Tennessee Titans
FIRST-HALF MULLIGAN
Exit Kerry Collins and an 0-6 record. Enter Vince Young and a 7-1 record. ‘Nuff said.
Chicago Bears
JAY CUTLER TRADE MULLIGAN
If most of this arrogant punk’s touchdown passes didn’t go to the wrong end zone, especially from the red zone, Lovie Smith might still have a job next year. Not to mention the fact they can’t fix the defence with no early draft picks or cap room next year.
The NFL
LESS INJURIES
Hopefully technology takes over soon because we’re looking at a record for hurt players in any league in any season EVER. Bigger, faster, stronger athletes = bigger, faster, stronger injuries. It’s no wonder why the pre-game saying between the opposing team’s players and coaches isn’t “Good luck” anymore. Now it’s “Stay healthy.”
