At the risk of offending my esteemed colleagues, I give you the top five reasons why top ten lists are total crap:
5. They are poor excuses for arguments.
A countdown format will not transform your horribly formulated opinions into syllogisms – sound or otherwise. More simply, bullshit in a box and bow is still bullshit.
4. Unless you’re David Letterman, you are not David Letterman.
Figure out some other way to be funny because you’re just biting Dave’s steez.
3. They never settle anything.
I would venture to say that a big reason why readers salivate over top ten lists is because it’s their chance to say whether they agree or disagree (You readers are a bunch of self involved dumb-dumbs.) Certainly, no one is ever inclined to change his or her top ten in light of someone else’s picks – it’s just a mirror in which to admire oneself.
2. It’s lazy writing.
Remember when your high school teacher would say, “Now, I don’t want these assignments done in point form, they should be paragraph format…?” Yeah, well, there was a reason for that. Anybody can spit out the facts, if indeed they are facts. Real writers write, they don’t make grocery lists.
1. Top ten lists are way too long and I can’t think of five more things.
Besides, it’s Christmas and I’m on vacation.
– A. Vice
