Alright, mooks. Now that we’ve done it a couple times, I can see you’re going to be around for a while. I guess we should get to know each other. You remember in ‘Pulp Fiction‘ they said everyone is either a Beatles or Elvis person? Well, Elvis never meant shit to me or Chuck D, so I updated and extended the concept. Behold!
This or That? – 20 simple, fairly universal questions. I’ll answer them first. When you’re done reading, take your ass (and your answers) to the Comments section.
1. Prince or Michael Jackson?
This is like only getting to keep one ball. I’ll keep the one that would beat the other one at ping pong: Prince.
2. Notorious B.I.G. or 2Pac?
2Pac. While the best album between the two of them is ‘Ready To Die‘ and Biggie has a better good-to-bad song ratio and memory, so do elephants.
3. Jay-Z or NaS?
Jay-Z. Much like Big vs Pac, NaS is responsible for the best album between the two of them. ‘Illmatic‘ is to Jay’s discography what Jay is to NaS in general: consistently better, start-to-finish.
4. Rakim or Big Daddy Kane?
Big Daddy Kane. Shmoove!
5. Who sucks more: MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice?
Vanilla Ice. Hammer is such a cock-tease!
6. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys album?
‘Licensed To Ill’. Nuv is actually spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E, so when I was in elementary school, throwing rocks at shit and shit, this was my soundtrack. It also previewed things I had to look forward to once I was a teenager, like mom throwing away my best porno mag, being sexist in an amusing way so as to get away with said prejudice, sharing a drink with some pals, coveting said pals’ better halves, and conducting myself in a manner that causes massive amounts of damage to public property. Y’know, role model-type behaviour.
7. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys song?
Paul Revere. That backwards beat, a western story rap, punching a piano player in the face; What’s not to like? (Sabotage is a close second.)
8. Who’s your favourite Beastie Boy?
The ‘King’ Ad Rock. Reason #605 – He boned Ione Skye. #606 – And Molly Ringwald.
9. Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang member?
In the quasi-coherent words of my second favourite member, (rest his Ol’ Dirty soul) “Ghost. Face. Killaahhhhh! No one is iller!“
10. Who’s your favourite N.W.A. member?
Arabian Prince. Just kidding. Ice Cube. Dre has the most success and is one of the best producers of all time; Eazy was the most charismatic and Ren the most consistent; Cube was the most commanding and the best writer. Do the knowledge, pooh-butt.
11. East Coast or West Coast?
East Coast. I love a lot of old school West Coast, but, unlike the sun, the larger quantity of quality hip hop rises and sets in the East.
12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
The Beatles. I respect Satan-granted immortality and chicken-walking and home improvement and fucking Bowie and watching your fans die and all that, but you just can’t fuck with the Fab Four. They like walrus and drugs and fruit and onions and L – I – F – E. Oh, and re-inventing and revolutionizing song-making to an extent that no one’s improved on their designs to this day. That too, I guess.
13. Who’s your favourite Beatle?
John Lennon. Even though he’s responsible for this.
14. What’s your favourite Beatles album?
Fuck you, Nuv! What an impossible choice. I whittled it to two: ‘Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band‘ and ‘The White Album‘. For the purposes of our experiment, I’ll rename them ‘Heads’ and ‘Tails’. Harvey Dent says: Heads.
15. What’s your favourite Beatles song?
Come Together. It was originally a song for acid king Timothy Leary’s political campaign. When that didn’t pan out, Lennon reclaimed it, whispered “shoot me” in the background (uplifting!) and made what is allegedly the world’s first diss song. Each verse is about one of The Beatles, including one especially barbed paragraph reserved for Paul. But I ain’t one to gossip, so you ain’t heard that from me… (Honourable Mentions: Helter Skelter, While My Guitar Gently Weeps, Happiness Is A Warm Gun, With A Little Help From My Friends)
16. What’s your favourite Beach Boys song?
Good Vibrations. Your vagina agrees.
17. What’s your favourite Led Zeppelin album?
Gah! Impossible Choice: The Sequel – ‘Led Zeppelin II‘ or ‘Led Zeppelin IV‘? I actually couldn’t decide, so I consulted iTunes which tells me I listen to ‘II‘ more. And, yes, I know it’s not called ‘IV.’ Unfortunately my keyboard lacks Wiccan fonts and Tolkien typesets. My crotch also lacks cobwebs. Geeks.
18. Guns N’ Roses or Metallica?
Axl’s preening pomp is cancelled by Lars’ punchable face and antics. We’re left with Slash vs Hetfield. I choose top hats, guitar wizardry and smoking. Therefore, I deduce: Guns N’ Roses > Metallica. “Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-knees! Knees!”
19. Nirvana or Pearl Jam?
Nirvana. Pearl Jam’s first album is sick though. I may be biased. Fair or not, I blame Eddie Vedder for every poor imitation of him that was running riot on the radio a few years back. Especially Nickelback. I’d like them to die of a combination of bee-stings to the eye and kicks to the hangies.
20. What was/were the first album(s) you bought?
At age five, my older brother took me to Lyle’s Place. A place where, much like the internet, you could visit and leave with free music if you were sneaky enough. Anyway, that day my brother took me, I came home with Michael Jackson – ‘Thriller’ and Prince – ‘Purple Rain’ (which explains the dilemma in the first question). He got Van Halen – ‘1984′ and AC/DC – ‘High Voltage.’ That night while I was putting on sparkles and pouting till I got chicks, my brother smashed beer bottles and light bulbs over his head mid-jumpkick. Takhar Power!
Yo, Eazy. Take us on outta here…
“No more questions.”
As you were,
– Nuv
I really missed something because the boy that shared a bedtime story with MJ has more talent than Prince.
You are indeed more talented than Prince, Trevor.
1. Prince or Michael Jackson?
Prince because he reminds me of when Nuv & I started dating.
2. Notorious B.I.G. or 2Pac?
I’m kinda whatevs about both these guys. B.I.G. always sounded like he was rapping through a mouthful of milk, and the kerfuffle after 2Pac’s death and his 17 posthumous albums I had to sell to suburban white kids at HMV turned me off him. But, I’ll go with the guy who had the weird-for-its-time nose ring.
3. Jay-Z or NaS?
Jay-Z. Best rap show I’ve ever seen and more solid tracks overall.
4. Rakim or Big Daddy Kane?
Big Daddy Kane. The dance moves.
5. Who sucks more: MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice?
Vanilla Ice got dangled out a window by Suge Knight. That makes him a little less suck.
6. What’s your favourite Beasties album?
Ill Communication, even though Check Your Head will always make me feel 16.
7. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys song?
Purely because it puts a smile on my face every time I hear it: the 2:14 that is Heart Attack Man
8. Who’s your favourite Beastie Boy?
Every girl in the world will say Ad-Rock. Yauch is like a kindly Uncle and Mike D got scary skinny and gross at some point.
9. Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang member?
Method Man. Because he was on The Wire.
10. Who’s your favourite N.W.A. member?
Eazy-E. He introduced me to Raiders caps and what can happen when you fuck 70,000 chicks with no protection.
11. East Coast or West Coast?
As much as I love the heat, the East coast makes rappers more desperate and hard.
12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
The Beatles
13. Who’s your favourite Beatle?
Paul McCartney. If Lennon hadn’t introduced the world to the most hideous glasses known to man, it might have been him.
14. What’s your favourite Beatles album?
Please Please Me. Pure perfect pop.
15. What’s your favourite Beatles song?
A Day in the Life
16. What’s your favourite Beach Boys song?
Hang On To Your Ego. (Except when I’m bleeding from the vagina; then it’s God Only Knows)
17. What’s your favourite Led Zeppelin album?
Don’t have one. Didn’t hear Stairway to Heaven or even know of it’s existence until Wayne’s World.
18. Guns N’ Roses or Metallica?
Hated Metallica in high school because the biggest fucking losers were obsessed with them. Hated Axel’s voice untill my twenties. But, I came around and Appetite For Destruction is pretty much a perfect album.
19. Nirvana or Pearl Jam?
Nirvana. I was lucky/rad enough to see them both when I was in high school. Blind Melon opened for Pearl Jam @ The Coliseum in 1993, and The Butthole Surfers opened for Nirvana at The PNE Fairgrounds in 1994. At the latter show, guess which band I got the t-shirt for? The opener’s opener, CHOKEBORE. Hadn’t thought about them in years, until I googled the show. Am now downloading their discography.
20. What was/were the first album(s) you bought?
Vinyl. Men without Hats – Pop Goes The World and Bon Jovi – Slippery When Wet.
1. Prince or Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson. I love Prince though. I don’t know what kind of asshole wouldn’t.
2. Notorious B.I.G. or 2Pac? Notorious B.I.G. Nuv mentioned that he had a better album. I also think he had a better song with ‘Juicy’
3. Jay-Z or NaS? Jay-Z. (I think I just heard myself scream, WHAT!?! all the way back from 1994)
4. Rakim or Big Daddy Kane? Rakim. He spent more time raising me on Hip-Hop than Kane did. Kane would’ve been a rad dad though.
5. Who sucks more: MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice? Vanilla Ice, only because I feel bad for Hammer after watching him get dissed in front of his kid by Kathy Gifford on the Today Show.
6. What’s your favourite Beasties album? Ill Communication
7. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys song? Sure Shot
8. Who’s your favourite Beastie Boy? Ad Rock
9. Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang member? Ghostface Killah. That took a while.
10. Who’s your favourite N.W.A. member? Ice Cube
11. East Coast or West Coast? EAST COAST
12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Beatles
13. Who’s your favourite Beatle? Paul McCartney. (sorry John)
14. What’s your favourite Beatles album? Sgt. Pepper’s (Help! is a very close second)
15. What’s your favourite Beatles song? GOOD LORD?!? umm… ‘I Feel Fine’
That question hurt my face.
16. What’s your favourite Beach Boys song? I Get Around
17. What’s your favourite Led Zeppelin album? The fourth album. Black Dog. Yeah!
18. Guns N’ Roses or Metallica? Guns N’ Roses. Fuck Lars.
19. Nirvana or Pearl Jam? Nirvana
20. What was/were the first album(s) you bought? Vinyl. Lionel Richie: Can’t Slow Down
1. Prince or Michael Jackson? Prince. He has a nose.
2. Notorious B.I.G. or 2Pac? 2Pac. I prefer stage names with NumberLetter combos instead of letterdotletterdotletterdot.
3. Jay-Z or NaS? Jay Z.
4. Rakim or Big Daddy Kane? Big Daddy.
5. Who sucks more: MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice? MC Hammer. Vanilla was epic in Surreal Life. To summarize, as the cast worked at a local retro diner under Coleman’s management, Vanilla Ice stuck a banana down his own pants, hoisted Coleman above the deep-fryer, and insisted on having the former child star say his catch phrase, “What’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” That’s funny shit.
6. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys album? Like Ma bell……
7. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys song? Get it Together.
8. Who’s your favourite Beastie Boy? Ad Rock.
9. Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang member? Method Man.
10. Who’s your favourite N.W.A. member? Cube. Liked his work on the Friday soundtrack.
11. East Coast or West Coast? East.
12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Beatles.
13. Who’s your favourite Beatle? Paul – Pete Best a close second
14. What’s your favourite Beatles album? White Album.
15. What’s your favourite Beatles song? Jesus…………………………. I Me Mine (Honourable mentions: Run for your Life, Piggies, Night Before, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise), Daytripper…. better stop now; this could be a long list)
16. What’s your favourite Beach Boys song? Help Me Rhonda.
17. What’s your favourite Led Zeppelin album? ‘IV’. ‘West Was Won’ is an awesome live album too – check out the 20 min drum solo on Moby Dick (I’d like a 20 min drum solo on my Moby Dick).
18. Guns N’ Roses or Metallica? GnR. ‘She bitched so much… she drove me nuts… and now I’m happier this wayyyyaheeeaheeaheeaheeayyyyah…… woah woah yah….’
19. Nirvana or Pearl Jam? Nirvana.
20. What was/were the first album(s) you bought? I think it was Warrant, ‘Cherry Pie.’ How sad.
1. Prince or Michael Jackson? Michael
2. Notorious B.I.G. or 2Pac? …..Biggie?…..
3. Jay-Z or NaS? NaS. Although my friends treated me to the best Jay-Z concert of all time; NaS reinforced my love for Hip Hop at an early age.
4. Rakim or Big Daddy Kane? Rakim
5. Who sucks more: MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice? Vanilla Ice. I simply thought about who I’d rather hang out with.
6. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys album? Ill Communication
7. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys song? So What’Cha Want
8. Who’s your favourite Beastie Boy? Mix Master Mike then Ad Rock.
9. Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang member? Inspectah Deck
10. Who’s your favourite N.W.A. member? Ren
11. East Coast or West Coast? What about them down south who-ridin’ hustlas? I have to say West Coast. Most of the talent and pedigree is from the East, but, the West speaks to that funky little G in me!
12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Beatles.
13. Who’s your favourite Beatle? Paul
14. What’s your favourite Beatles album? Sgt Peppers.
15. What’s your favourite Beatles song? It’s Getting Better
16. What’s your favourite Beach Boys song? God Only Knows
17. What’s your favourite Led Zeppelin album? ‘IV’. ‘
18. Guns N’ Roses or Metallica? GnR. ‘
19. Nirvana or Pearl Jam? Nirvana.
20. What was/were the first album(s) you bought? Queen – The Works. All because of “Radio Ga Ga” Radio Ga Ga, Radio Goo Goo. Freddie Mercury’s 5 year old son allegedly sang it, “Radio poo poo” Ya mishearing lyrics! Thats how I roll too kid.
1. Prince or Michael Jackson? MJ. He had me doing the Thriller dance for years. Actually, some of those moves are still part of my dance repertoire. Buy me a few drinks at a club and I can show them to you. My MJ dance moves, that is.
2. Notorious B.I.G. or 2Pac? Never listen to either of them.
3. Jay-Z or NaS? See the answer for #2.
4. Rakim or Big Daddy Kane? See answer to #2 and #3.
5. Who sucks more: MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice? Vanilla Ice. He’s an extremely white white baby.
6. What’s your favourite Beasties album? Check Your Head
7. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys song? So What’cha Want
8. Who’s your favourite Beastie Boy? They’re all soooooo cute. I just can’t decide.
9. Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang member? Wu-Tang? That’s what the astronauts drink in space, right?
10. Who’s your favourite N.W.A. member? That’s a tough one…. Ice Cube. No Eazy. No Cube… aahhhhhhhh I can’t chose!
11. East Coast or West Coast? West Coast
12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Beatles
13. Who’s your favourite Beatle? George. Paul is a distant second.
14. What’s your favourite Beatles album? Abbey Road
15. What’s your favourite Beatles song? Paperback Writer
16. What’s your favourite Beach Boys song? In My Room
17. What’s your favourite Led Zeppelin album? Presence. Physical Graffiti is a very close second.
18. Guns N’ Roses or Metallica? Metallica. Defintely.
19. Nirvana or Pearl Jam? Pearl Jam. Kurt can go to hell. Oh… wait…
20. What was/were the first album(s) you bought? It was a disco compilation called Disco Duck. I was 7 and in LA on a family trip so cut me some slack. My first real record I bought was Best of Blondie. What was cool about that record, besides the music, was that both labels on the vinyl were side 2’s. I never knew what side I was going to hear until I dropped the needle.
1. Prince or Michael Jackson? M.J., i’m not sure there even could have been a Prince without the King of pop
2. Notorious B.I.G. or 2Pac? Biggie
3. Jay-Z or NaS? Jay-Z, longevity and mass appeal
4. Rakim or Big Daddy Kane? Rakim
5. Who sucks more: MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice? I think Hammer was a huge fag, but i think Vanilla Ice just pretended to be a huge fag and there wasn’t a non(fag)manufactured bone in his body, which is far worse
6. What’s your favourite Beasties album? Licensed To Ill
7. What’s your favourite Beastie Boys song? Paul Revere, possibly the greatest story rap of all time (paul revere, boyz in the hood, children’s story)
8. Who’s your favourite Beastie Boy? Ad Rock
9. Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang member? fav is RZA, best is Ghostface, best lyricist is GZA, most versatile is Cheese(Method Man), illest is O.D.B.
10. Who’s your favourite N.W.A. member? gotta go with Eazy, Dre probably had the most talent, Cube was probably the illest on the mic, Ren was just intimidating, Yellow whatever, i doubt Eazy wrote a single line he spat but he just came across raw and real (plus he pimped Dre and that says a lot – ‘Dre day only meant Eazy’s payday’) and stayed hard till the day he died
11. East Coast or West Coast? West, i fell in love with west coast first and your fist love is always the hardest to get over
12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Beatles, best band of all time
13. Who’s your favorite Beatle? Lennon
14. What’s your favorite Beatles album? Sgt. Pepper’s(maybe the greatest album of all time), Rubber Soul, White Album
15. What’s your favorite Beatles song? Yesterday, A Day In The Life, She’s Leaving Home, In My Life, Run For Your Life… This is an evil question and can never be answered the same twice
16. What’s your favourite Beach Boys song? Good Vibrations (because of Vanilla Sky, if i ever go crazy this will be the song that clicks in when i realize just how far gone i am)
17. What’s your favourite Led Zeppelin album? Led Zeppelin I (i just know this one the best)
18. Guns N’ Roses or Metallica? Metallica
19. Nirvana or Pearl Jam? Danzig
20. What was/were the first album(s) you bought? The Chronic