A.T. the Bartender Hands Out His NFL Awards
MVP – Peyton Manning (Indianapolis Colts)
Even when they were coming from behind, late in the game, a record number of times, the team never thought they were dead, because General Peyton was in control of the attack. The O-line are so protective of their leader that he only got sacked 10 times. 100 catches for Reggie AND Dallas. No real running game needed. Jim Caldwell has the “head” title, but we know who REALLY runs the ship.
PROPS: Drew Brees, Brett Favre, Chris Johnson, Philip Rivers
DEFENSIVE MVP – Charles Woodson (Green Bay Packers)
The Heisman Trophy winning, multi-Pro Bowl DB, wasn’t even sure he wanted to play in Green Bay after leaving the Raiders. Now, in his 12th year, he’s the anchor of an up-and-coming 3-4 defence, that under his 9 picks and ability to play 5 different positions, almost got past Arizona. He gives the D confidence by them just knowing he’s back there waiting. 75% of the world is covered by water. The rest is covered by Charles Woodson.
PROPS: Darren Sharper, Jared Allen, Jairus Byrd, Patrick Willis, Elvis Dumervil
OFFENSIVE ROOKIE – Percy Harvin (Minnesota Vikings)
He was lucky to have the Golden Brett, but I think the questions have been answered that were asked about him coming out of Florida i.e. If he could be a converted Running Back to Receiver (see: Chris Johnson, but reversed). Scary whenever he touched the ball, he helped the Vikes with their re-emergence, and had this award in the bag by week three. Pure baller fo’ sho’.
DEFENSIVE ROOKIE – Jairus Byrd (Buffalo Bills)
On a team that was brutal, he actually gave people in Western N.Y. something to talk about other than T.O. Nine interceptions! Seriously? Just wait ‘till he gets comfortable.
BREAKOUT SEASON (TIE) – Sidney Rice (Minnesota Vikings) & Miles Austin (Dallas Cowboys)
Start stretchin’ your check-writin’ arms brothas.
PROPS: Elvis Dumervill, Steve”N.Y.”Smith
FALL – OFF SEASON – Jay Cutler (Chicago Bears)
Hey douchebag, you’re supposed to be throwing touchdowns for YOUR team. Keep blaming everyone else too, ‘cuz THAT seems to be makin’ you more popular.
MORE OF THE WORST: Whutup Jake Delhomme? Sorry L.T. – It’s been a good, hard run.
COMEBACK PLAYER – Vince Young (Tennessee Titans)
Whoever votes for Tom Brady, F*#* You! (You don’t have to kiss his ass anymore because he already proved on the opening Monday Night Football game that he’s too cool to give Suzy Kolber, you, or any other professional a 30 second interview.) Vince was left for dead after one game the season before, then took over for a “Super Bowl Contender” after an 0-6 start, to be the first team in history to be .500 after that dismal of a start. Sh*t, they almost made the playoffs! He is the franchise cornerstone after starting the season as possibly the 3rd stringer. Also saved Jeff Fisher’s ass.
AND THE DUMBEST MOVES:
Chad Ochocinco (Cincinnati Bengals)
You should’ve known that a $1 bill would cost you 20,000 more.
Bud Adams (Tennessee Titans Owner)
I didn’t think you could raise middle fingers that high at the age of 107!
Colts, Bengals, and anyone who sat their starters…
Booooo. You’re welcome Jets.
Bill Belichick (New England Patriots Coach)
4th and 2 in your own zone? Even if you don’t trust your defence, TRUST YOUR DEFENCE! Ass.
Jim Zorn (Washington Redskins Coach) ‘Nuff said.
P.S. RIP Chris Henry
Hey A.T. Charles Woodson is a great DB but i see no mention of super star Darrelle Revis of the still playing new york jets????
this db has gone up against every big time wide out this year and shut them all down not to mention he is not shining his golf clubs like Woodson!!!!!!
Do you think everyone got this award wrong?
Also Woodson was very smart to leave the raiders and save his career!!
O.K. Saug Dawg, ya busted me. I was stupid enough to hope nobody would notice my brutal typo, but I should’ve known you’d pay attention when I picked an ex-Raider. Byrd was supposed to be on defensive ROOKIE and I had Derelle Revis 3rd on the list. YES, 3RD. Raider hater. Woodson and Sharper still had a 3rd more INT’s, touchdowns, and big plays that impacted the game. Revis won every one-on-one battle this year against big-timers, I’ll give him that, but the other two caused havoc ALL over the feild. Still, good job on catchin’ the typo. My bad. By the way Saugs, what’s Terence Newman’s handicap? (Golf or football.)