Ian: Hey girl! What are you wearing? Oh damn! Wrong window! What’s up Nuv? Are we gonna chat about some comics or what??
Nuv: Yeah! I’d prefer it wasn’t with you, but whatever. Wipe your hand and get typin’ old man!
Ian: Alright alright. So, this week we’re going to talk about Adventure Comics (which features Superboy these days) and I gotta say I was wary when we first decided to do this one. I don’t read a lot of DC superhero comics and this one looked particularly goofy what with Superboy in jeans and a Superman t-shirt.
Nuv: Yeah. It’s a lame costume. (You should see his old one.) But you could say that of any teenager’s choice in wardrobe, so in that vein, it’s kinda realistic. I myself once had an orange mohawk and an entirely purple Cross Colours outfit. Teenagers are stupid, yo!
Ian: That’s true. You are pretty stupid. But listen, all my doubts were laid to waste when I saw the first splash page in the first issue. I can understand why you like the book so much (what with the pastel colours) but seriously, it reminded me of Loeb and Sale’s Superman For All Seasons. Great art.
Nuv: Yeah. Somehow Francis Manapul manages to have an extremely modern style, but then the way it’s rendered combined with the open, rural settings makes it all seem…well, like it’s set in the second act of Superman: The Movie. Or a Norman Rockwell painting.
Ian: It’s pretty amazing what he does with the colours too. Not many people could rock a scene of crazy destruction using purples and pinks and make it totally awesome. I was pretty impressed with the colours throughout actually.
Nuv: Yeah. Even the muted way the flashbacks are coloured manages to pull off what I think your nemesis Ladrönn is attempting/failing. I wish you were muted.
Ian: I think that a lot of credit should also be given to Geoff Johns for putting together a story that could very easily become a cheese factory, but hasn’t so far. Even his teenage romance parts come off as sweet and genuine. Basically the opposite of you.
Nuv: Uhh..I would keep it to yourself that you like ‘teenage-romance-parts’. I agree though that issue two wore it’s heart on one sleeve, while the other sleeve had a pack of smokes rolled up in it, what with the classic team of Lex Luthor and Brainiac making a cameo. Johns is basically steering all of DC’s flagships right now, and they couldn’t be in better hands. He even makes Krypto, the fucking Super Dog (!) rad. One of my favorite things that he does is the ‘teaser trailer’ final page of all of his first issues, where he shows four or five panels from upcoming issues out of context. My favorite shit though is issue six, and how it brings the whole arc full circle.
Ian: I agree with you there. That last issue had everything AND a fucking T-Rex. Rule #1 of Comic Books: Adding dinosaurs is always a good idea. I also like that Connor threw Lex Luthor through a house. I can’t stand you – oops! I mean Lex Luthor! – and it’s always satisfying to see someone remind him that he’s just a punk ass mortal.
Nuv: I was hoping you’d gotten over your Lex prejudice. This arc shows why he’s such a great character. Wishful thinking on my behalf, I guess. I’m partnered with the d-wad that thought Colin Farrell and Michael Clarke Duncan did good jobs in that infernal crap-heap Daredevil. Obviously you don’t recognize a good villain. What did you think of the Legion of Super-heroes back-up stories? People often find that property confusing, and I know you’re easily confused at the best of times…
Ian: I was going to mention that next! This six-issue run (seven if you count #0) had both the best aspects of comics, and the worst aspects of comics. Things were going along just great. A storyline that even a non-DC kid could enjoy, knowing nothing about most of the characters. Great story, great art and a great jumping in point. And then BAM. Issue four, and half of issue five hit, and its all horse shit. Another example of what happens when a great book gets dragged into an event. Sad really, and I hope the trade (when it comes out) doesn’t have the other stuff.
Nuv: Yeah, I have three complaints. One is the ‘other’ Superboy stuff in four & five too. (I don’t hate it though, as it’s basically a [very] thinly-veiled shot at internet geeks that troll message boards and talk unfounded shit.) The second is the fact that Johns and Manapul have left Adventure Comics as of issue six. That has a silver lining though, as they are launching a Flash series together. The third is how illiterate you are. Earlier when I mentioned the Legion, I was actually talking about the Legion. As opposed to something completely different. I thought Johns did a great job of taking something that’s inherently confusing at it’s core and making it breezy and accessible. Like your a-hole. The art in those is great too. Clayton Henry has a little more of a normal style than Manapul, but it’s good, clean and classic looking. I think he’s got a future that’s bright. Something you’re not.
Ian: Oh, THOSE! I treated them like 95% of your e-mails and didn’t read them. I’m glad you liked them though, and that they didn’t have too many big words. You just sound ‘em out!
Nuv: I like the Legion because they are from the future. In the future, you are dead.
Ian: You know what I liked best about the series so far though? The relationships between the dudes. It’s kind of a buddy story with multiple buddies. Superman and Superboy, Superboy and Red Robin. All good relationships, unlike ours, which is poison at best.
Nuv: (So many gay jokes in there. Must. Ignore.) I would actually cast myself in this story as Superboy and you as Krypto. Now go lick your own balls (has none) rub your nose in your own shit until next week.
Ian: Basically, if we haven’t murdered one another by next week, it’ll be a miracle. Until then though, we’ll just have to agree that the first six issues of Adventure Comics (minus issue four, and half of five, but including the #0 issue) were a complete success. Geoff Johns bitch slaps the haters (with his wiener, look it up) like I bitch slapped Nuv METAPHORICALLY. Nothing new there. Until next week loyal readers!
Nuv: It’s true. You do slap like a bitch. Bitch.
Put two in the air…
– The Big Two
NEXT ISSUE: IAN SNAPS ALL THE PENCIL CRAYONS IN MEXICO. MEANWHILE, NUV DELIVERS GUT-SHOTS TO THE 208-ABDOMINAL-MUSCLED-MAN.
TUNE IN: SAME IAN-TIME, SAME NUV-CHANNEL…
I have said “Hey girl,” to Nuv about 75 times since I saw this column. Makes me laugh every.single.time.