Ok ballers, I hate to ruin it for ya, but I’ve already seen the Superbowl. That’s right, you read correctly, and no, I’m not takin’ crazy pills or hopped up on goofballs. Let’s just say it’s a hell of a thing when Christopher Lloyd walks into your bar.
So after feedin’ him a few Midori sours (he likes them ‘cuz he’s convinced that their glowing green colour is due to their “nuclear properties”), I thought I’d see what would happen if I gradually started adding a bit of Appleton 151 to his cocktail. Turns out, when semi-sh*tfaced, he kinda reverts back into Doc Brown, and surprisingly, gets a little gangster. “I love Vancouver!” he proclaimed, “but if one more of these chumps axe me where I parked the DeLorean, I’m bitchslappin’ a muthaf*cka! But I like the way you pour the hooch son… c’mon, I’m gonna show ya somethin.’”
So I followed him to the elevator, and into the VIP car storage, where the fabled 1982 DeLorean DMC-12 sat, flux capacitor and all. “When do ya wanna go, boy?” he yelled. I immediately responded with, “How ‘bout, this Sunday, Super Bowl XLIV?” He smiled suspiciously and said “Ha ha! No problem! I already took Prince to it ‘cuz I felt bad about how the Vikings lost, not to mention the fact that nobody liked his song. No betting when we get back though. Biff f*cked that one up for everybody. Ok boy, road to the Super Bowl! But where we’re goin’…” He triumphantly screamed before I interjected, “I know Doc, we don’t NEED roads.”
When we got to our seats, I realized Doc’s drunk ass got us there just at the end of halftime, apparently because he didn’t want to watch the monotony of the Colts playing possum in the first half yet again. He told me that the Saints came out slingin’ the ball more than they did in the NFC Championship game, looking like that #1 offence they were during the regular season, while keeping the Colts defensive backs honest. The running game was mildly effective, but the odd big passing play got New Orleans 23 points on the board at the half.
Indy played a bit of a rope-a-dope game, while trying to assess New Orleans’ offensive game plan. They trusted their front seven, because of how they dealt with the N.Y. Jets #1 rushing attack in the AFC Championship game, but the safeties still crept a bit, and left a few holes in the seams of the field. Peyton played the game as he always does, treating the opening stanza as a learning experience, checking out what the defence was giving him. Even though the Saints were only the 22nd ranked D this season, they were #1 in the turnover department, and the Colts were EXTREMELY aware of that in their practice and game plan for the last two weeks. Just to be sure, Manning tested Defensive Player of the Year second runner-up Darren Sharper a few times, seeing if he’d jump certain receiver’s routes. The result was semi-cautious throws, longer drives, and not a lot of Dallas Clark “skinny-post” patterns. More Reggie Wayne “stop-routes” and swing-passes to Joseph Addai in the flats. Thanks also to the ‘backs not coughing the ball up, the Colts managed to get out of the first half without committing a turnover. Their conservative play still got them 17 points, which was a good enough base for the best second-half team in history to work with.
Halftime Score: 23-17 New Orleans Saints
“Doc, put your shirt back on and stop screaming out the final score! I know you love The Who, but you should already know they ain’t doin’ an encore!”
2nd Half
Halftime adjustments at this point would seem arbitrary, but don’t tell that to Peyton Manning or Drew Brees. All those photos of the defensive alignments they were studying on the sidelines in the first half? It’s because they’re fully aware that there’s certain things you won’t know until the game starts.
Things started to open up in the second half, with a game of “Can you top this?” where each quarterback tried to expose the weaknesses they saw from the first half. In true gun-slinger style, both field generals tested the mettle of the impressive, but only one-year proven cornerbacks, which made the safeties on each team have to decide whether to help or watch out for the crafty tight ends coming up the middle of the field.
Just when I thought Doc Brown had passed out, the crazy white-haired bastard jumped on his seat and screamed, ”When it hits 88, you’re gonna see some serious sh*t!!!” At first I thought he was just hammered off of $15 plastic bottles of Coors Lite and spittin’ out random ‘Back to the Future‘ sh*t, but next thing you know, a pass hits Jeremy Shockey on an inside post-route for a 35-yard gain. (Yeah, yeah, I get it Doc. Shockey’s # is 88. F*ckin’ cocky time-traveller.)
Even though New Orleans was able to move the ball because Dwight Freeney’s torn ankle tendon kept him from exploding into the backfield, they couldn’t match the precision and guile of the the 4-time M.V.P. This was strictly business for Manning, as he methodically marched his troops down the battlefield, spread the ball around to all his weapons, with no more than a handful of rushing plays needed.
As a certain hot-air filled, potbellied coach said of Manning two weeks ago, “You make ONE mistake and he’ll burn your ass.” This round was no different. By the end of the 4th quarter, all the un-heralded Indy defence had to do was keep the dangerous New Orleans passing attack in front of them to botch their spirited last ditch effort.
This was the game we wanted, and hoped for since the middle of the season, and we weren’t disappointed. #1 vs. #1 doesn’t happen often, but when it does like this, it’s a hell of a thing. Unfortunately for the Saints, their city and fans, destiny is what is SUPPOSED to happen. But Peyton Manning MAKES things happen.
Superbowl XLIV Final Score: 41-33 Indianapolis Colts
Most Valuable Balls: Peyton Manning: QB, Colts
Thanks for the ride, Doc. Next drink’s on me.
Balls out.
