I don’t know what’s more impressive: how many volunteers we found to stand outside, or how we convinced them to wear that weird blue colour for a month straight…. Cops seem to be acting more like tourists than tourists. Besides packs of them wandering around in amazement, one ACTUALLY asked me where the closest bank was. Pretty sure I sent him the wrong way. Anyone up for a “special” withdrawal?…. Waaaaay too many Iginla jerseys. Vancouver? Meet Bobby Lou…. No worries, I’ll wait for my table to be served, I know you’re new. Hey, look at that! So is your trainer! Oh sh*t, so is your manager. AND my beer price…. Newscasts suggest that if you work a 9 to 5er and take the Skytrain home, you should leave work at 2pm instead this month. Right, because life is THAT fair. They forgot to mention that banks will be giving out free money and the 6 o’clock news will be at 3pm…. Anyone else find it very cool, but a little strange, how many people from other countries are decked out in Canada gear? I haven’t seen this many people pretending to be Canadian since the American tourists after the 2002 Gold Medal game…. Seemingly next to impossible for Vancouverites to get into “our” Molson House, most declare the Heineken House the place to be. What? Richmond!?! F*ck me! Oh, well. Go Holland…. Arnold Schwarzenegger carried the Olympic Torch. Apparently because California is gonna pay through the teeth for our water…. Protesters re-routed the Torch Relay just far enough to NOT have it passed to our war veterans, who were to commemorate our fallen soldiers. Good job punks, you’ve OFFICIALLY forgotten what your protest was about. You’re lucky you didn’t get a bayonet in your ignorant asses…. By the way, if you get on tv, none of your cool renegade friends will believe it was you if you’re wearing a mask. Oh yeah, and The Bay’s department store windows and people’s cars were around BEFORE we got given the Olympics, you morons… The Opening Ceremonies kicked off with the coolest entrance EVER for an athlete at B.C. Place (since Lui Passaglia at the Grey Cup), when a snowboarder came flying though the rings with fireworks blazing. But if he can get from the top of Whistler to downtown Vancouver in under four minutes, why isn’t he competing? I guess he was at too many Ross Rebagliati parties this month…. I guess Nelly Furtado forgot to show Bryan Adams how to raise the microphone before his vocals come on, and he, in turn, forgot to show her how to dance while the cameras are on…. The “devil in the kitchen” strings performance was so cool, it may have inspired kids to play the fiddle again. Just not around Ashley MacIsaac. Especially if he’s wearing a kilt…. k.d lang proved once again that women DO indeed go crazy for a sharp dressed man…. Even though everyone knew he was here, John Furlong said Wayne Gretzky WOULDN’T be lighting the final torch – it would be Wayne and three others! Ha ha! Very clever! Please disregard all the hatemail…. As the “Great One” took his poetically Canadian back-of-a-pickup-truck ride through town, drunks screaming and running alongside in the pouring rain, he showed his true Canuck chops by not falling out and never spilling his beer. I didn’t even see his hair move…. After seeing downtown Vancouver at around midnight on Friday, I was very surprised to see it still standing on Saturday, being fairly sure that everyone down there drank it. Ever seen the movie ‘Zombieland?’ Just replace blood and flesh with beer and 99 cent slices. And more zombies…. Funny thing about the Canadian Mardi Gras that was Granville and Robson – It seemed to be over 90% locals. I think that we forgot that if we’re gonna show the world how to party, they have to be watching. Oh wait, here they come………Gaaaaaaaaaame oooooonnnn!!!!!!!!!
Up next week: Someone told me there’ll be some kinda hockey tournament…..I’ll look into it…..
