The Jolly Gamesman and His Many Toys
PediPaws Dog Nail Trimmers
I love my dog. My dog loves me. My dog has long sharp nails. His long sharp nails do not love me.
For the last four years, my dog has had the rule of the joint, running around with a muddy under-belly, eating table scraps, and jumping all over me, liberating some of my skin in the process. My mother, in her infinite wisdom and avoidance, decided that the best way to manage his talons would be to just have him run around on concrete, wearing them down. Seriously. I thought otherwise.
Recently, while waiting in line to purchase some paper and a binder from a local business depot, I noticed the PediPaws. Sitting beside an Oh Henry! bar display and some Ferrero Rocher’s, here were some impulse buys just waiting to be snapped up by the weak-willed and hungry (i.e. me). My first tip off that the PediPaws wasn’t the answer to my problem, was when the cashier informed me the one I had in my hand had been returned by the previous owners, and it shouldn’t have been on the shelf. Brainfarting, I paid that no mind. Second tip off? After I made the purchase, she made a point of letting me know that I had 30 days to return it. Despite her warnings, thirty dollars later, my cup runneth-ed over with nail trimmers and hip wideners.
The included manual was full of tips on how to integrate the PediPaws into your dog’s life. Sage-like wisdom like rubbing it around their face, praising the dog when it didn’t run away, and giving your dog treats at the end, all seemed like way too much work than I was willing to invest. Judging by the reaction of my dog, I understood why there are no actual images of the PediPaws being used on real animals, just drawings on the packaging. While to him it seemed like a fun game of bucking bronco, to me this device seemed like a colossal waste of money.
At the end of the day, not all is lost. Now, rather than using removable boiling pot handles, I can use the PediPaws as a lightsaber hilt in my fan-made ‘Star Wars’ movies.
~The Fine Print~
Cost: $19.99 CDN + tax / requires 2 C-Cell batteries (not included)
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