After watching possibly the best first round ever, I give you… The Elite Eight.
#4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs #8 Montreal Canadiens
The Habs were giant slayers last series, and for their troubles, they get the defending champs. Now it’s time to prove that Round One wasn’t a case of the Cap’s sh*ttin’ the bed, but rather that Halak IS indeed the best goalie, and the team is the best group of shot-blockers in the playoffs so far. (And the luckiest, ‘cuz let’s be honest: Ovi and the highest scoring team since the mid-90’s going 1-for-33 on the powerplay? Bitch please.)
Even though he’d never admit it, Sid Crosby ain’t worried. It’s surprising he only has 25 points in 18 games against his favourite boyhood team, ‘cuz it seems like half of his career highlight goals are against them. Teamed with a more diverse group of teammates than Ovechkin, the Crosby kids’ll hanle-it-hanle-it. Despite an overflowing bandwagon when the Habs win a game, eventually the wild cowboys will light it on fire.
Balls Call: Penguins in 6
#6 Boston Bruins vs #7 Philadelphia Flyers
Ladies and gentlemen! Once again, welcome to the Who-gives-a-sh*t Cup!!! Seriously, I think most just want these two teams to beat the teeth out of each other, and then lose to the winner of the other series (My apologies to Philly fans. Ha! Just kidding, you guys are jerks.)
Seeing as none of the forwards or defence of either team have made enough of an impact for their name to be mentioned more than once, I won’t even bother. Instead, I’ll leave this series up to who shows up. Guys like Philly backstop Brian Boucher, who went from not wanted anymore 10 years ago by the Flyers, to not wanted numerous times again by them THIS season, to best statistics this playoffs. Either him or Boston’s Marc Savard, arguably their best player, who’s coming back from that Matt Cooke cheap shot earlier this season. But then again, most will be using this time for family. Or napping. Or seeing if it’s possible to kick yourself in the crotch.
Balls Call: Flyers in 7
#1 San Jose Sharks vs #5 Detroit Red Wings
Ahhh the burning question, same one every year. Are the Wings too old? That question is stupid. Has been for years. Your momma’s old. Zetterberg and Datsyuk are not, and when they score in a playoff game, Detroit has only lost once. The other guys who are nearing “the new 30,” know how to win in any situation, especially deep in the playoffs.
The Sharks’ Clowe and Pavelski lead the teams scoring attack, with Olympians Heatley, Marleau, and Thornton being 87, 102, and 122nd place in the playoffs. Not gonna lie choke-artists, we saw this coming. If you think you can see the elite goalie Nabokov bailing you out, he can’t. In fact, he won’t be able to see anything with Tomas Holmstrom’s huge ass planted in his face the entire series.
Balls Call: Detroit in 6
#2 Chicago Blackhawks vs #3 Vancouver Canucks
On Vigneault’s signal, unleash hell!!! The Canucks want this so badly, they’re practically smiling in the pre-series interviews. The ‘Hawks are trying to be diplomatic with questions, while smugly planning their smarmy tactics. Anyone notice the fact that nobody has been able to get an interview with that neanderthal Dustin “Lord of the Douchebags” Byfuglien? It’s ‘cuz he’s at home flopping onto his La-Z-Boy, over and over again. This is fine practice for his moves on Luongo, seeing as he’s been placed at forward for the first time since mid-season, and knowing full well about his cheatin’-ass maneuvers in the last playoffs.
Even though Chicago has a leg up on Van in the depth department on “D,” Luongo still has something to prove. And he’s been looking forward to this badly, even telling Patrick Kane “See you in the playoffs,” after beating him for the Gold medal in this year’s Olympics. On the other side, the inexperienced Antti Niemi will be in serious trouble if the Canucks 2nd line, mainly Kess and Burr, get it going. Defensive depth can only get you so far if the boys start filling the sky with flaming arrows. In the playoffs’ most anticipated series so far, revenge will be a dish best served cold.
Balls Call: Canucks in 6
PUCK THAT.
– Balls out
