Ok. Let’s get this out of the way. There is no way ‘Iron Man 2‘ will come out of nowhere and sucker punch you like ‘Iron Man‘ did. Unless it traveled back in time and came out before the first one hit you in the first place, how could it? Sorry, didn’t mean to get all ‘Lost‘ on you. Although, while we’re on the subject of ‘Lost’: everyone that jumped ship on it for being convoluted and now watches ‘Fringe‘ had the right idea. Or rather, their alternate reality self in the Leonard Nimoy universe had the right idea, but too late, so they slipped into our universe and convinced their counterpart to switch to ‘X-Files: The Next Generation’ ‘Fringe’…what was I talking about?
Oh yeah! Side Note 2 – That crowhole Ian was supposed to review ‘Iron Man 2′ with me, but on our way into the theater he passed a poster for ‘Gladiator 2′…I mean ‘Robin Hood,’ and being caught in the dreamy gaze of fellow tantrum-thrower Russell Crowe was too much for him. His micro-penis malfunctioned and he peed all over his baby nuts. Venus took him home to change his diapeys, and Piggy, Captain Arthritis, Jay Haddow and I entered the Imax theater. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming…
Without the element of surprise the first one had, the second one is immediately undercut in the eyes of many. Those people are blind. I suppose if you hate great characters portrayed by amazing actors speaking sharp dialogue in fantastic situations surrounded by dazzling tech and gorgeous women, all anchored by a dripping-with-charisma Robert Downey Jr., you’ll see their point. You’ll also see mine when I stab you for being an idiot.
At the top of his game, Downey Jr. is a whirlwind. Both the audience and all of the characters are trapped in orbit, watching man-child Tony Stark in the spotlight he thrust upon himself at the end of Iron Man, crumbling under the weight of his own ego and a dark secret. For once, the supporting characters actually make pro-active moves to support the lead. By film’s end, it is made clear that they’re all vital both to furthering the plot, and to Tony himself.
In the tradition of Maggie Gyllenhaal in ‘The Dark Knight,’ Gwyneth Paltrow elevates Tony’s Girl Friday, Pepper Potts, beyond your average superhero movie damsel in distress. Also reminiscent of the Grossface Killer Gyllenhaal, a major character is given a facelift, as Don Cheadle replaces Terrence Howard in the role of Colonel James Rhodes, who in this film, dons the armor of War Machine, the black and silver Iron Man with heavier artillery. To be honest, I was able to buy Cheadle in the role of Downey’s best friend more easily. In addition, he is just as good an actor as the mini-dicked Howard, and more likable. All in all, the change-up worked for me.
On the other side of the fence, lined up against Ol’ Shellhead, are Sam Rockwell and Mickey Rourke, the brains and brawn respectively that make up this film’s two-headed villain. Or more accurately, the mouth and muscle. Essentially a comic book play on Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, Rockwell’s Justin Hammer (a second rate Tony Stark) runs Hammer Industries (a second rate Stark Industries.) Mickey Rourke plays the Russian bruiser/scientist Ivan Vanko. A secret past links their fathers, and Vanko aims to make Tony pay for the ‘sins’ of his by re-building himself as super villain Whiplash. (Speaking of which, Tony’s father, as played in retro 50’s-style film reel by the inhumanly cool John Slattery of ‘Mad Men‘ fame, is pitch-perfect, and a subtle nod to the original 1960’s portrayal of Tony Stark in the comic books.) Rockwell is as smarmy as Rourke is menacing. But then, when are those two not awesome?
Also featuring excellent turns by Paul Bettany as the voice of Tony’s computer/lab assistant Jarvis (a huge improvement over the comic book’s Alfred The Butler knock-off), and, among a million smaller nods to the impending ‘Avengers‘ movie where all of these Marvel Studio films will converge, Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury and Scarlett “Holyf@¢%ins#!%shelooksgoodinacatsuit” Johansson as The Black Widow. (For those of you that stick around through the credits, you’ll be rewarded with a mighty huge piece of The Avengers’ puzzle.)
Jon Favreau, who’s pretty awesome on camera as Tony’s driver “Happy” Hogan, is an absolute beast behind it. Matching Downey’s swagger blow for blow, his direction is confident and breezy, pulling together a large ensemble and a billion plot strands into a cohesive, criminally entertaining whole. The action is all bigger and better, although my favourite sequence comes early in Tony and Ivan’s mindboggling first encounter at the Grand Prix.
My only complaint is that, just like the first one, the final battle is almost an anti-climax. After the epic build-up, there was no way it was going to live up to expectations. Much like the film, for some of you haters, I guess. Me? I’m easily won over. The ability to ignore hype and enjoy a film of it’s own merits overpowers the need to grab a torch and tear down our heroes.
Put one in the air…
– Nuv
NEXT ISSUE: JOIN IAN IN THE 1920S(?) AS THE CLOCK RUNS BACKWARD AND THE COLUMN RUNS RED…WITH BLOOD!!!
TUNE IN: SAME IAN-TIME, SAME IAN-CHANNEL
A good article, but difficult to masturbate to. Veeery difficult.
@Carlton Radish
yeah…I agree I had to read hard to understand, still it was scattered… to me simply movie was good.. I mean yeah you can be annoyed by Tony’s arrogance.. but the end was Kick Ass..
Yeah NineCooL, there were a lot of big words in the article. The trick is to sound ‘em out, pal. Just sooouuund ‘em out.
How someone can call this movie good, and call anyone who doesn’t like it an idiot, is beyond me. “Sharp dialogue”…are you serious? I was laughing the entire movie at how corny the dialogue was, it was awful. I wish they would have put a disclaimer on this movie, something like “If you jizz in your pants for comic books and want to see a movie that spends half it’s time trying to set up some other retarded movie, you’ll love this crapfest!”