Whether we like it or not, The Stanley Cup Finals!
So the Montreal Canadiens finally fell back to Earth, squashing our hopes and dreams of having our first Canadian Stanley Cup winner since Les Habitants did it in ’93, not to mention actually giving a sh*t who wins it now. But allow me to present you with this tidbit to help you stay semi-patriotic, if that’s what’ll keep you interested: Only one team in this year’s playoffs had more Canadians on its roster than the Blackhawks and Flyers (that’s riiiight, at least we won SOMETHING). Not to mention that six players in the Finals helped us win our Gold Medal, including both team’s Captains. And the funny thing is, the CanadiENS, had the 11th most CanadiANS. Needless to say, whether we like it or not, it’s time to pick a new team. Tough choice, I know. One team is loaded with cocky douchebags, one is chock fulla line-steppin’ cheaters. One has five B.C. boys, and one is, well, not the Blackcocks. “The choice is yooouuurs…….” (cue Black Sheep…)
Even though it’s still unimaginable that Philadelphia needed to win a shootout at the end of their last regular season game to even MAKE the playoffs, they’ve done the best interpretation of the “second season” theory in quite some time. They’ve almost seemed Redwing-ish, acting like the regular season never happened, what with their gritty vets lockin’ down, and their skill players focusing on the task at hand. As far as the goaltending goes, WHO THE F*#K ARE THESE GUYS?!?! Brian Boucher, who was filling in for the then-injured Michael Leighton, started the post-season and quietly went 10 games with the best numbers of the playoffs, but then injured both knees at the end of the Boston series. Re-enter the dragon. All Leighton does is help the Flyers with the biggest comeback in over 30 years, then shut out Montreal in three of the first four games on a steamroll to the Finals. All he has to do is look aiight for a few games and homeboy is gonna get paaaaaaaid.
Who knows? If his partners in crime keep channeling the “Broad Street Bullies” with equal parts scrappin’ n’ scorin,’ he might get more than that. On the scorin’ side, having Jeff Carter back at full capacity is perfect timing, just in case Marion Hossa decides to join the party. Because as far as Kane and Toews go, Briere and Richards have almost been their Eastern doppelgangers. Patrick Sharp? Meet Claude Giroux. I see your Byfuglien and raise you a Pronger. Philly has the possibility of matching up all over the place, but in front of the net will be the most tell-tale battle. One gets in the way, and the other clears. We’re about to see some good ol’ fashioned cheater-on-cheater crime.
“There isn’t a team in the world that can beat these kids right now.” Ominous words from the “Golden Jet” Bobby Hull, Hall of Fame member of the last Blackhawks team to win the Stanley Cup. It’s not like he was saying something everyone wasn’t thinkin’ already. They were picked by almost everyone at the beginning of the season to win it all. Even video game simulations had them hoisting the Cup. Apparently Jonathan Toews has already won the Conn Smythe Trophy. Usually teams would be uncomfortable with this kinda thing, but these “Smughawks” seem quite ok with it. They’re firing on all lines and Antti Niemi is stopping everything. Chiiiiiiill dawg, we got this, right?
Not so fast cockyhawk, there’s still another bird in town, and it could be Flyer than you, if you’re not soaring straight. Philly’s the most disruptive team they’ve faced so far, they’ve got the hottest goalie, and they know EXACTLY what you’re gonna try to do. “Fugly” is going to park his fat ass in front of the net for a bit, but this time he’ll be pickin’ on someone his own size – Chris Pronger. Lord of the dirty birds. “Prongs” clears space better than anyone in the league, and he’d even slap his own mother to do it, if that’s what it would take. But he’ll probably slap yours. This series is going to be ALL Toews, Kane, and the puck moving D-men firing from all angles, hustlin’ and flowin,’ trying to avoid the bodyrockin’ game. If someone reminds Hossa that this is his third shot at the Finals in a row, and the puck is supposed to go on the OTHER side of the guy in the middle of the net, it could be a short date with no kiss at the door.
Bottom line – this is Chi-town’s Championship to lose, but y’all knew that already, didn’t ya? You just didn’t count on hearing “Good luck,” instead of “Don’t f*ck this up.” And Philly’s RIGHT behind you whispering, “Don’t put up no brick.”
Balls Call: Blackhawks in 7
– Balls out
