What up, citizens? I honestly didn’t think you’d show after yesterday. Since you’re here, we may as well go ahead as planned…
So, I’ve now read the landmark 700th issue of Superman. The verdict? Ehhh…
Much like Batman #700, and in fact, most milestone comics that reach triple-digits, the issue was comprised of multiple stories, authors and artists. The very nature of such anthologies, more often than not, leads to a mixed bag. Batman bucked the trend and rang in his new batch of grey pubes by having one author (and not just any author, but Grant Morrison!) write all three stories as chapters of one tale that spans three different eras, sets of artists and even three different Batmen! The Man of Steel, as has been the case since Frank Miller first had Batman beat Supes in a fight back in ‘86, will not step out of the shadow of his pointy-eared brother this go-round. Nice guys do finish last. Or at least second to rich orphans that encourage children to pick fights with armed adult psychopaths, and own cars that turn into motorcycles, and don’t even notice when Katie Holmes is transformed into Maggie Gyllenhaal by the power of Tom Cruise’s Level 9 Scientology-Wizard (aka Credit) Score. We now bring you back to your regularly scheduled ‘Stuff That L. Ron Hubbard Didn’t Make Up’…
The Comeback (by James Robinson & Bernard Chang)
The first story is something that is vastly superior to being killed, I guess. The Gary Frank cover, while well drawn, should’ve tipped me off. Its focus is Superman and Lois flying and gazing lovingly into each other’s I CAN’T EVEN FINISH THIS SENTENCE! HEY! DC COMICS!! CHICKS THAT LIKE RYAN GOSLING FILMS DO NOT READ SUPERMAN COMICS!!! (Sigh.) Don’t get me wrong. Lois is a great character. (Especially when played by the dirty-hot Erica Durance on ‘Smallville.’) How ‘bout you take advantage of the visual medium that is ‘The Comic Book’ and SHOW us why Superman loves her instead of telling us about it? And, while the climax of the story is some Super-boning, sorry to disappoint all you still-live-atchya-Mom’s house muh’f@¢%ers, the climax of the story happens off-panel. And five pages before the story ends. You’ll never guess what’s next…more bland James Robinson dialogue! It really compliments the off-putting Bernard Chang faces. Ya. Hoo. Eat a Kryptonite dick, story #1. You’re not even fit for Aquaman!
Geometry (by Dan Jurgens)
Story #2 was medium-default. By that, I mean, it was Mario. You know how when you select a character in, say, Mario Kart, there’s the big dudes, like Bowser and Donkey Kong that are a bit slower, but way tougher? And then there’s the little fast pussies, like Yoshi and Toad? And then there’s your average, all-around, middle-of-the-road dudes, like Mario, Luigi and Jay Haddow? Not great, not crappy, and they constantly smell like cilantro. This was that. Robin sneaks out of the house against strict orders to do his homework to bust up a crime on his own and, as predicted by Batman, gets in over his head. Superman helps out. The final panel reveals that Batman is one step ahead of them as usual. Like I said, so-so. The only thing that makes this slightly more important than I suggest is the involvement of Dan Jurgens, the man responsible for most of the Superman output of the 1990’s, including The Death (and Return) of Superman. Jurgens had a clean, classic style that defined the previous decade’s Super-books. I say had, because, much like John Byrne before him, something has made his style devolve. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just boring. Rather than eating a Kryptonite dick, I suppose, story #2, you can hang around. It’s easy enough to just pretend you’re not even there. Kinda like everyone does with ‘Superman IV.’
Grounded (by J. Michael Straczynski & Eddy Barrows)
The last story in the book was really good, though not quite great. That was because it was basically a teaser, setting up the new direction the series will be taking from here on out. Superman gets slapped in the face by some trick-ass trick and, like Jules in Pulp Fiction, and pre-jerk-off/belt-death Kane of Kung Fu fame before him, decides to walk the earth. To get back in touch with his roots and, because, sometimes when you’re always looking at the bigger picture, you miss the small details. The writing is everything the previous two stories were not. Starting with GOOD. J. Michael Straczynski is subtle, and realizes when to let the art do the talking. Eddy Barrows is up for the job. Reminiscent of classic Batman-artist Norm Breyfogle, his style is entirely unique and suited for the low-key moments, while framing everything in an epic manner. A solid start for a solid creative team. As for Supes, his journey begins on the last page, and continues next month in Superman #701, where Straczynski & Barrows will be joined by one of my favourite artists of all-time, John Cassaday, on covers. They will also be joined by me and my wallet every month. Ian (Remember him/her? Unfortunately, me too…) will be joined with a maxi-pad with roughly the same frequency.
All in all, as is the case with most highly anticipated events, it didn’t quite live up to expectations. Oh well. If you want to see how an anniversary issue should be done, I’ll let you read my favourite one: Justice League of America #200. I may be biased by nostalgia, and the writing is definitely of it’s time, but it still delivers everything a milestone issue should – a large cast and plot that spans the history of the title in as epic a manner as possible, as illustrated by the superstar artists of the day. Click the picture below and see for yourselves, ya sons-of-sacks-of-potatoes!
Speaking of milestones, DC’s month of them ends next week with Wonder Woman #600. It’s actually #45 of Volume 3, but they’re re-numbering it to what it would’ve been had Volume One gone uninterrupted. After I pick it up from the comic stoHAHAHA…[wipes tear] just kidding. F@¢% Wonder Woman! Either way you wanna read that statement is good with me…
Put one in the air, and one in the Amazon.
– Nuv
NEXT ISSUE: THE SITH TAKE THE STAGE!
TUNE IN: DIFFERENT IAN-TIME (MONDAY), SAME IAN-CHANNEL…
Well, you are wrong on one count. I’m a woman who likes romance (not sure where you came up with Ryan Gosling) and I read Superman comics. And I’m not alone. I know plenty of other women who like them as well. In fact, I’d buy MORE Superman comics if Clark and Lois were actually allowed to be on the same planet more often and I know plenty of other women who would as well. ::shrugs::
I actually liked the first book. It was simple and effective. Although I don’t think Robinson is the best writer for either Superman or Lois. They’ve both great characters that are usually much more complex than certain writers ever allow them to be. My guess is that Robinson was going for nostalgia with the first book and it worked for me.
I appeciate your perspective but please don’t assume that you know the Superman comics audience through and through. There are a ton of women out there that would LOVE to have reasons to buy more Superman comics. But personally I found the New Krypton arc to be so emotionless and boring that I didn’t see the point.
I’ve read a lot of Superman comics in my time, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen (heard) Lois call Clark “baby” before. Like, ever.
Like Emme before me, I have no problem with Clark/Lois/Superman sharing panel time, as long as it is in character. Lois pouting and calling Clark baby isn’t in character.
The Robin story was cute, but it was a Robin story with a guest spot by Superman. Stick it in a Secret Files & Origins book.
Finally, the prelude to Grounded. Really? Grounded? Superman is walking the Earth?
I much prefer the Superman stories where we see how not-human Kal-El is to the ones that try to deepen Clark’s connection to humanity. The guy looks like us, talks like us, acts like us… and was raised here from shortly after birth (or from birth, depending on continuity and interpretation). All we need to do to feel the human connection is show him in Smallville with Ma (and Pa if he’s alive) Kent.
I think I just have a hard time buying him struggling to care about the little things. Must be years of “letters to Superman” issues around Christmas over the years.
I haven’t been reading Superman books since Superman and the Legion of Superheroes ended. I’m saddened that JMS (a writer I greatly respect) will not be bringing me back in.
So you didn’t read Superman: Brainiac, Mark?
You should, if you haven’t.
It was a great read.
And it delivered exactly what you seem to want from a Superman comic.
(They really need to put Geoff Johns/Gary Frank back on the title)