Seeing the pictures of people waiting in line for the next ‘Twilight’ movie and the new iPhone, I can totally relate. When you are a hardcore gizmo whore addict, waiting in line for a big gizmo launch is just par for the course. Over the years as I’ve collected gizmos, I’ve also amassed a fine collection of stories from these cement couch and bush latrine adventures. So, here are my Top 5 Waiting In Line Stories.
This marks the first time that I have ever waited in line to purchase an item that I wouldn’t get in hand for a month or so later. I was fortunate to have the company of one of my best friends and his girlfriend the entire evening, along with a Risk board game. A few people drove by to ask what we were in line for, and it became a game to inform the looky-loos that we were waiting for a random band’s show to go on sale. The shittier the band, the bigger the laughs. After breaking out the board game, and after six hours of game play between my friend, his girlfriend, a stranger in line and myself, the final victory was decided by a game of paper-rock-scissors. I lost.
4. Halo 2
I think I was the only person in this line up that had a girlfriend, and the only person not inhaling or snorting drugs. Also, it just so happened that the launch of Halo 2 took place on our anniversary. But luck would have it that she accepted my bribe of paying for her and a female friend to go out to dinner and a movie, thus absolving me of my girlfriend-neglecting sins.
I forget what movie it was, but I do remember that while it wasn’t me who was holding the spot in line, a memorable moment came up. My friend who did their duty guarding our spots for a good six hours, refused to shimmy one seat down after we had gotten settled, as he didn’t want someone who just showed up as the lights dimmed to call the shots. So, even though these people asking him to bump down one were good friends of ours, we all remember the dumbfounded looks on their faces when they had to walk to the front of the theatre and sit in the shit seats.
2. Star Wars Episode II : Attack of the Clones
Opening day it was my goal to watch every showing of ‘Attack of the Clones,’ while sitting in the same seat and eating only theatre food. During my time in line I let my intentions be known, and a few fellow line-mates were also in for the challenge. My other challenge was to keep my mouth shut, as just a few hours earlier, I had stumbled across a hand held bootleg of the first half of the film, and didn’t want to spoil it for anyone.
As the showings progressed on opening day, so did my fatigue. It seems my lack of sleep caught up with me during some of the drier romantic portions between Anakin and Padme, as my friends informed me that I essentially ruined everyone’s opening night enjoyment with my loud snoring.
Easily the most eventful time spent waiting to pay for something: Arriving just after 6:00 pm the Saturday before launch, I came equipped with a pop-up sleeping bag, a mug of coffee and a wallet full of cash. As the night progressed, a few friends came to join me in an impromptu game of frisbee in the parking lot, while I was still the lone person in line. I had expected another friend to join me for company, but apparently he had fallen ill and was unable to make it.
So, in my mind the most appropriate reaction was to pay one of the frisbee players $10 to hold my spot in “line,” while I traveled to see my fallen counterpart. Arriving at his house, we snuck in and jumped into his bed where he lay cursing us as we improvised a trampoline fest, not noticing or caring about the half-full puke bucket on his nightstand.
Embarrassed and slightly disgusted, we returned to Wal-Mart, shocked to see my tent alone without the paid guard at his post. Disappointed that I wasted my money and that there was no one to chit the chat with, I headed towards my tent to grab some coffee. As i approached, I noticed the tent shuffle and a muffled noise emanated from within.
“Who’s in there?” I shouted with my manliest voice.
As the zipper slowly opened, a girl I had never seen before came out wrapped only in the blanket I brought to keep myself warm, and shamefully slinked out with my tent guard following behind her. It was hard to get mad at him for shacking up with someone in my absence, but I was a little grossed out that I would now have to keep warm in cloth soiled by their love making.
As the night progressed my stomach let me know it was time for eats so I decided to order some cheese pizza. It was a challenge to convince the delivery place to send a driver to a Wal-Mart parking lot at 3:00 am, but luckily the phone guy understood what I was doing there at that hour. After mowing down an entire large cheese pizza on my own, I continued my pacing around the lot, praying for the dawn.
During my umpteenth lap around the asphalt, a sudden pain overcame my torso. The realization that the cheese pizza was ready to come back and say hello to the world crept up my throat. Unfortunately it wasn’t traditional vomit, but some sort of cheese curdle upchuck that left little white balls all over the place.
As 9:00 am approached I was overwhelmed with relief that my time here would soon come to an and and I could go home and play Tony Hawks Pro Skater and Star Wars Rogue Squadron in the comfort of my own home. To my horror, as I sauntered up to the doors to form the line proper (still the only person there) I saw that I had clearly not realized that today was Sunday, and the store didn’t open until 11:00 am. Deflated and defeated, I stayed standing alone until 10:50 am when three moms showed up to get their kids “the new Nintendo.”
11:00 am hit, and I ran through the store directly to the electronics department to purchase my system. For years it was my number one console of choice and, to this day, the catalyst to my most memorable line up story.
– The Jolly Gamesman
I know, it’ll be hard to trump yakked up cheese pizza in a deserted Wal-Mart parking lot, but if you got a story to top that, leave it in the Comments.
This takes a fortitude I simply do not have. The only thing I have ever waited in line for was a) in the warmth of my car b) only a couple of hours MAX c) for the first ‘Armageddon’ matinee show at the Willowbrook theatre. Awesome, I know.
Watch (or rather, read) and learn, Padawans…
We camped out for the re-release of ‘A New Hope.’ Around 2 AM, when the bars closed, a guy we knew that worked at a laser-tag place walked past. He offered us free alcohol and laser-tag (and warmth) so we bribed some nerds to hold our spots for a few hours. Many hours of beep-beep music (think: Mortal Kombat soundtrack) and lasers later, we returned drunk and resumed the horrid wait, all to see Greedo shoot first.
For the ‘Empire Strikes Back’ re-release, we went to the theatre, paid a camping, Jedi-cloaked virgin in Star Wars action figures, slept the sleep of kings, returned at 10 AM and stood to the side eating McSlop for breakfast until the hooded basement dweller brought forth our tickets. For an Egg McMuffin he agreed to line up for the rest of the day and save us seats when he got inside. Nuv rules!
Real world application of Jedi Mind Tricks, mofos!