Nuv: Ian’s sitting here with his ‘Ben Affleck’s #1 Fan’ badge and $1,000,000 Daredevil movie shades on, so since today’s mission is to take a closer look at Ol’ Hornhead’s mini-event, Shadowland, I thought I’d let the dog-faced boy have his day and take point on this. I’ll just be over here reading Jason Aaron’s PunisherMAX, featuring the coolest/weirdest Bullseye and Kingpin story arcs I’ve ever read. Take it away, Dinko…
Ian: Hey! Did you guys happen to see Marvel’s trailer for their newest event Shadowland? If you haven’t seen it, you should really go check it out before you read the rest of this article!
[DANGER: SPOILERS AHEAD. TREAD CAREFULLY...]
Okay, are you back? Great! Because there’s something I want to say to our man Andy Diggle, that’s been brewing for a while now. Ahem. Andy Diggle, you are the worst hack to sully the pages of Daredevil in, literally, the past twelve years. And you know what, man? I honestly went into your run with an open mind, glad for a possible change of writing and artistic direction. Maybe it WAS time to take Daredevil out of the Kitchen for a little while and put him in some new kind of danger that didn’t involve The Kingpin. I was in your corner, Andy Diggle.
And how did you repay my faith? By happily taking on the role of Marvel’s little dancing monkey, dragging Matt Murdock into the lamest, most horse-shit storyline imaginable. Honest to God, the last eight months have been more frustrating than watching Nuv try to play ‘Jeopardy.’
Shadowland, after eight months of main-title build-up and one issue of its own, is stupid and ham-fisted garbage. And it’s a ridiculous knock-off of everything Bendis and Maleev did in the not-so-distant past. Matt Murdock loses it and declares himself the King of Hell’s Kitchen agrees to become the new ruler of The Hand and acts somewhat more “hardcore” than he’s generally known for, while his friends wring their hands on the sidelines and endlessly discuss “what to do about Matt because he’s lost it this time for sure!”
Back to the trailer you just watched. The one that started with an Audi car commercial before diving right into the exact same shitty nu-metal rap-rock trash that utterly ruined the Daredevil movie. What the fuck, Marvel? Well, I guess it’s fitting because Shadowland is all about the clichés that have been ruining the character for years. Look out! It’s Bullseye again! Oh no! Daredevil has a new set of black pajamas with and edgy new DD symbol and wristy-knives so you know he means business! But is Matt TOO FAR GONE?! And the grand finale, oh sweet Jesus, is Daredevil staking Bullseye with a sai, just like Bullseye staked Elektra back in 1982. Hasn’t this image been trotted out enough at this point? Time to take the lame horse to the glue factory, Marvel.
But you know what’s a real kick in the nuts? Diggle, that little putz, has neither the good sense nor the common respect for the fans to have Daredevil “kill” Bullseye in the main title. No, he did it in Shadowland #1, which forces readers who have no interest in this stupid event to buy Shadowland. Otherwise, when you go to the store and pick up Daredevil #508 on July 14th, you’ll read in the summary that “Oh, by the way, Daredevil killed Bullseye.” Now, I hate comparing current creators on a title to their predecessors, but it has to be said that Brian Michael Bendis and Ed Brubaker would NEVER have pulled a stupid stunt like this. And there are those who will say that Diggle doesn’t have the clout that Bendis and Bru have, and that Marvel is probably pulling the strings, but still. Grow a pair you little patsy or, I kid you not, there will be a hole in my collection that starts at issue 501, and ends whenever you toddle off to ruin the next title Marvel hands you.
Nuv: Okay, I’m putting the lid back on the trash can, Ian The Grouch. JESUS! I think you buy stuff just so you have something to bitch about. You should do what you threaten to do and let your money speak for you. That would be more powerful than a thousand whiny, menstrual rants. Daredevil, a second-rate Batman until Frank Miller got a hold of him, is defined by whoever is writing him and whatever crazy hell they put him through. (My favourite was Brubaker’s powderkeg arc that had Daredevil, Kingpin, Bullseye and Punisher all in prison at the same time.) If they have the balls to leave him a bad guy after this I’ll be as pleasantly surprised as I would be if I read Ian’s name in the obituaries. Speaking of dead assholes, they’ll probably puss out and bring him back, but if they don’t, I think it’s a fitting revenge for DD to take Bullseye out the same way Bullseye took Elektra out. It brings a long storyline full circle using probably the most iconic image associated with the character. I will say, said iconic image is undermined by the mediocre art. Don’t let the excellent John Cassaday covers fool you. The insides are full of uninteresting, lumpy illustrations by Billy Tan. Speaking of uninteresting lumps, Ian’s major problem seems to be being forced to buy a second title because the exciting shit is happening in Shadowland rather than the Daredevil title. (He also says point blank that it’s probably not Diggle’s fault, but continues berating him anyways. Classy!) Curmudgeon’s warning be damned – if you can afford an extra $4 a month without having to take back pop cans and shit like Ian, Shadowland is worth a look. You can see for yourself if Marvel goes through with turning one of their B-List heroes into an A-List villain. You get Punisher, Wolverine, Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, Moon Knight, Luke Cage, Iron Fist and more, all in one place. Most importantly - it’s got mad ninjas!
Ian: Or you could ignore the advice of a guy who plays the crab lice in every comic book event’s pubes, and avoid this derivative turdheap. Instead donate your $4 to my Cure For Nuv Research Foundation, where we attempt to locate what it is that creates complete dirtbags, on a genetic level, and hope to one day eliminate the cause. Seriously, who’re you gonna trust? Me, the guy that actually reads Daredevil, or this walking hair product? The choice is yours, friends, but there really is no choice to be made.
Put two in the air…
– The Big Two
NEXT ISSUE: CAGES! FISTING! SOMETHING ACTUALLY LESS KINKY THAN THAT SOUNDS! CAN YOU AFFORD THE HEROES FOR HIRE?
TUNE IN: SAME IAN-TIME, SAME NUV-CHANNEL…
We all know nothing will change forever in these books. I think they could have had DD kill Bullseye in a similar kind of way (say holding a sword or spear or something sharp and pointy) and not just rip off Elektra’s death scene with him using a sai. I think that’s what is the main thing wrong with superhereo ongoing comics, they just don’t invent enough new things… they just re-use things that were already successful.
What’s the point then if it’s not a sai? That loses the tit for tat factor. Using any other pointy thing isn’t different enough to sacrifice the poetic justice of using that exact way to kill him. Why not just beat him to death with a garden tool? And by garden tool, I mean ho. Beat him to death with a hooker. New thing: invented.
That would be more interesting than using a sai. You should write comics.
But, that aside, didn’t Elektra come back to life. Is she still dead? Is it poetic justice if your are killing your ex-girlfriend’s killer… if your ex-girlfriend isn’t dead anymore? I ask this partially because I’m not fully sure she is still alive… I don’t read DD anymore.
I don’t read DD either. I think she is alive, though.
Still, the sai-killing is poetic at least, for killing the killer in the manner he is most famous for killing, whether the death stuck or not.
And is murder ever justice, Jason?
(The correct answer is yes. If your victim is Bullseye. Or Ian. Or a bag of chips.)
Wasn’t it only a couple of years ago when Marvel trotted out the exact same image when Echo (as Ronin) staked the skrull Elektra in New Avengers? That also meant beans-all to me. I’m with J. Copland. Contemporary writers and artists need to either a) grow some balls and come up with some new legacies or b) stop calling themselves creators. They aren’t creating jack shit.
That image homaged the same source, but has nothing to do with this storyline.
Please do continue your tantrums though.