As we count down the final days of freedom before our lives are taken over by The One That Demands All Attention and Boob Ownership, I thought it would be super fun to look at some of the movies I’m not going to be able to see until the kid is 18. Sigh. Have some popcorn for me this fall. Extra butter and salt please.
September 1
My Dog Tulip
A New Yorker strip come to life. An old man and his dog. Unless it ends with the dog writing a best seller and living forever in a NYC co-op, I will never see this. Dogs in movies, even animated ones, have life spans and I cannot be emotionally dragged into another animal death.
September 10
The Romantics
A cast that individually are all shades of meh, but thrown together like a Chek Mix, seem appealing. Best watched on a hung-over morning after a wedding.
October 1
Freakonomics
Soooo, now I don’t have to read the book, right? Yes!
The Social Network
Perfection. The best trailer I’ve seen in a long time. Would never have predicted a movie about Facebook, the most perfect time-suck ever invented, would be the one I’m most sad about not seeing.
Case 39
When bad things happen to little kids, and they may be cursed, Rule #1 is DON’T BRING THEM HOME WITH YOU ZELLWEGGER!
October 8
My Soul To Take
Wes Craven murdering a bunch of unknown kids. Sounds like gold to me.
October 26
Nice Guy Johnny
Beautifully shot and scored. Unfortunately Johnny may be nice but he looks like an extra from ‘Joey‘ and FYI Ed Burns, chicks don’t like dudes that are shorter than them and wear crucifix necklaces.
October 29
Monsters
AICN loves it. They may not know how to update a now disastrous-looking website, but they DO know their monster flicks.
November 5
Due Date
Downey Jr. + Galifianakis = TRUE SOLID MOVIE BONER
November 19
The Next Three Days
Haggis directing Liam Neeson advising Crowe on how to bust Banks out of jail for a crime she “didn’t commit” Heist-y, stressful, running, chasing = yup.
November 24
Love and Other Drugs
Gyllenhaal charming the clothes off of Hathaway and us. A perfect rainy day chick flick when you have a cold sore, ice cream and want to masturbate.
December 1
Black Swan
A stunning poster and cast, a story set in the cut-throat world of ballet, directed by the King of Bummer Cinema, Aronofsky. There will be blood.
December 17
How Do You Know
James L. Brooks can concoct a great ensemble dramedy. Throw in the criminally charming Paul Rudd, and you just know this will be good.
No Release Date Yet
Wu-Tang Revealed
I would take the kid to see this in the theatre and make people hate me, purely to see footage like the last 18 seconds of this trailer on the big screen.
