Ian: Now, I’m not gonna lie. Marvel is in the doghouse with THIS GUY. Siege was an absolute disaster of an “event” and I think I’m sufficiently on the record in my animosity toward Shadowland and its creators (especially considering the recent news that it ends with the cancellation of Daredevil). Marvel’s recent attempt to cash in on vampire hype is even more stupid than their past attempts to cash in on zombie hype. As far as good comic books go, Marvel seems to be a ship without a rudder, consistently sacrificing innovation and great stories for the cookie-cutter, hand-over-fist business of movie making.
But, that doesn’t mean all is lost.
Back in May Nuv set out with his rudimentary grasp of the English language and embarrassingly adorable spelling errors and wrote an article on [THIS COULDN'T BE MORE PERFECT. HERE'S WHERE IAN LEFT OUT THE WORD 'THE' IN THE VERY SAME SENTENCE WHERE HE IS RECYCLING 'JOKES' ABOUT MISSPELLING. SERIOUSLY. - NUV] death and funeral of Nightcrawler. It was a sad and regrettable event – the death, not the article…well maybe the article too – and I was so dismayed that Marvel had killed off such a great character, that I almost quit reading superhero comics altogether. But, you know, these things have to happen and it’s probably better to kill off a superhero that people actually care about as opposed to someone nobody will miss (ahem, Bill Foster in Civil War).
That said, it should come as no surprise that this week’s column is about Nightcrawler (again), considering that this week Marvel released the final issue of Wolverine: Weapon X #16 which – and I’m not just playing the hype man here – is probably the best comic Marvel has released all year. So what makes it so great? Well, a combination of things really.
For one, it’s written by Jason Aaron, a writer who has been around the business long enough to be great at it, but not so long that he’s become lazy and derivative. Aaron takes us on a post-death journey with Wolverine as he fulfills Kurt Wagner’s last request – to carry a concert grand piano into the Venezuelan jungle and deliver it to a mountaintop mission. Told in a series of poignant flashbacks, this is probably the most concise and heart-felt look at the relationship dynamic between Wolverine and Nightcrawler ever written, and one of the better stories told in either book. It’s funny that Aaron would choose to do this in the last issue of Wolverine: Weapon X, but reading it over you really get the sense that he was given the go-ahead to write whatever he wanted. Powerful stuff, and a great closure point to the somewhat open wound left by the funeral in Uncanny X-Men #524.
Also, hello there! Art by Davide Gianfelice, who I have openly declared my love for once or twice, prompting Nuv to get all jealous and persnickety. Anyway, Gianfelice is back in fine form and it seems to me that he’s a lot happier when he’s drawing historically diverse wardrobes and superhero costumes than he is drawing regular folks in regular clothes. Don’t get me wrong, his stuff is always amazing, but there’s a certain something to the vibrancy in his shifting-era Wolverine and Nightcrawler costumes that combines so well with the depth of feeling in the facial expressions. It’s a story full of heightened emotion, but under Gianfelice’s artistic direction it’s anything but heavy and depressing. Oh, and it should also be mentioned that fellow Canadian Dave McCaig’s colouring is perfect as always.
Nuv: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll there, Stumpy. The only thing uglier than you on this planet is Davide Gianfelice’s bullshit art. You have a problem with JR JR and Ladrönn, yet you like this lumpy garbage? You and Gianfelice should watch a double feature of ‘Mask‘ and ‘Elephant Man.’ And then be put in cages. Or taken to the basement and Old Yeller’d. (I volunteer to carry out this service.) You know what, jokes aside, I don’t even need to argue my point. I’ll just post this panel as Exhibit A, and it’s case closed. You and Gianfelice should both do what this potato-head version of Wolverine suggests here:
Ian: Hmmm? What’s that? I left the room for the previous paragraph. You see, readers, Nuv has unlocked an ancient Mayan secret method of sequencing words in a fashion that they will cause anyone who reads them to become 10% dumber, and depending on your gender, impotent or infertile. As such, I always ignore his baseless blathering. Much like religion, Nuv only has power if you bother listening. Also, totally unrelated to me being gone for the length of a bathroom trip, Nuv’s most prized comics may have mysteriously transformed into used toilet paper…
In summation, I’ve rambled on too long again! So for your convenience, here are the main points (in order of importance) that you should take with you:
1) Wolverine: Weapon X #16 is an incredible single-issue and should be purchased by everyone with money and shoplifted from big-box stores by everyone else.
2) Talented new creators like Jason Aaron and Davide Gianfelice are the future of comic books and should be given free-reign to do whatever the hell they want.
3) Nuv is and always shall be – to quote the lovely and talented Jennifer Aniston – “a retard.”
Nuv: Wow! Other than the hideous art, Ian stumbled his way to exactly the same conclusion I would have. Oh, sure, I would have done it with far more grace, and far less random, nonsensical “Fight the man! Big business is the devil! Hug a tree! I’m, like, a quasi-vegan, except for fish and penis!” rants. But in the end, we basically see eye to eye on this. Jason Aaron rules. Nightcrawler rules. Sorry. Ruled. Ian did indeed ramble too long. Hey, while his “same ol’ tantrum every week” schtick is getting tired, all’s well that ends well – when he eventually doesn’t get his own way and smashes his head against the wall over and over, screaming for “Mummy” and “Bubzy”(?!) it makes it all worthwhile.
Put two in the air…
– The Big Two
NEXT ISSUE: THE BIG TWO MAKE THE LEAP FROM KRYPTON TO SMALLVILLE TO METROPOLIS IN A SINGLE SIX BOUNDS.
TUNE IN: SAME IAN-TIME, SAME NUV-CHANNEL…
