Don’t expect this to be good.
With that out of the way, there’s a great scene in the movie 500 Days of Summer which unfolds in split-screen, with one side showing how the protagonist, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (one of my new favourite actors), expected a party he was invited to by his ex-girlfriend to transpire, versus what really happened, with the captions Expectations/Reality on each side, all unfolding to the achingly beautiful song, Hero, by Regina Spektor. It is easily my favourite scene in this movie, partly because of the clever device, but mainly because it illustrates that often the reason for our misery and feelings of intense disappointment are due to the perils of expectation.
What exactly is expectation? What does it mean to have expectations? Why do we have them?
We’ve all been there: a connection is made, a phone number exchanged, no one calls. Time and money is spent on presents, reaction is underwhelming, smiles are turned upside down. Your favourite team re-tools during the off-season, finishes first in their division, loses in the first round. A movie is in development for years, hyped with hyperbole, hours in line on opening night, it sucks.
What’s the common denominator in all these scenarios? Expectations. Disappointment ensues.
There’s a simple solution to all this nonsense: with no great expectation comes no great disappointment.
Oh, she didn’t call? What did you expect? You met her at a bar! Shit, they didn’t like the presents? Fuck ‘em, it’s a gift, those ungrateful bastards! Your team lost again? They suck, get over it, it’s just a game Focker! And the movie was good, just not as good as you expected. Don’t believe the hype!
What good can come of having great expectations? Nothing. It can, however, make things worse.
Think about all those ‘sleeper’ hit movies you liked, for example. Were they really all that good to begin with, or was it simply because they came without hype or expectations? Paranormal Activity comes to mind, which is a shit movie when you think about it, became a big hit because no one saw it coming and it turned into this trendy “internet phenomenon.” Had it been hailed from the get-go as the scariest movie of all-time, people would have recognized it for the glorified Ghost Hunters TV show that it was. Conversely a perfectly good movie, – the new Green Lantern for example – through no fault of its own, will inevitably be destroyed by high expectations due to the Hollywood hype machine. But not for me. While fanboys agonize over why he’s not wearing the white gloves or that he looks like the Riddler, I’ll be sitting carefree and comfortably, enjoying the show.
Still not convinced? Consider this true story:
A good friend of mine recently had his heart broken because he expected a girl he had just met to be the love of his life. In his split-screen life, he expected a weekend-getaway to go a lot differently than the reality of being dumped on the last night they were there. It was a brutal thing she did, to be sure, but he could have spared himself weeks worth of anguish and alcohol had he not had those great expectations to begin with. Like our man Gordon-Levitt, he was living on the expectations side, and when it didn’t align with the reality side, he was devastated. But we can’t judge him for that. Most of us view our relationships as a rosy blur, blindly staying together exclusively on expectations alone, living in a never-ending split-screen sadness.
Some would argue that living a life with lowered expectations could become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and vice-versa. But I’m not talking about lowering expectations of oneself, only things that are beyond your control. Movies. Other people. Etc. Not your own hopes and dreams.
Nowadays I try to temper my expectations to the best of my ability. The older I get the less I’ve come to expect out of people, and maybe that’s not fair; but I’ve been disappointed too many times by the idiots of this world. So when people exceed my now lowered expectations of them (which isn’t very hard), I’m pleasantly surprised and the world is a better place. And don’t worry; I don’t expect anyone to read this article, much less like it. See what I did there?
People can give me a hard time about being negative and a pessimist, but really it’s because I don’t trap myself with ludicrous expectations. Those same people call themselves optimists, which is just a euphemism for delusional. If I could alter the shift of the universe just by having greater expectation of things, then delusional is what I truly am. What great superpowers I would have. Now that would be a movie I would line up for. Damn optimists. Ask my buddy whose Guinness is now watered-down with tears if his great expectations and optimism had any superpower over that cold-hearted bitch.
Save yourselves from future heartaches, disappointments, and anguish. Break free from the shackles of expectations. Live on the reality side, and you’ll find that your reality will align with reality. Everything will be fine. The world will become a better place. Life becomes unfettered, glorious. Mark my words. Just don’t expect it to be good.
– Tom Day
