Week 7
6 weeks down ballers and ballettes. With so much happening my head’s spinnin’ tryna’ figure out where to start. Other problem is, for what in my mind is the FIRST time, I don’t have all the answers. Teams that suck seem good. Teams that are good are sh*tin’ the bed. The teams with the #1 offense and defense are 2-4!?! Well, we may as well try to tackle this madness anyway before my crazy pills wear off.
A.T. the bartender brings you week 7’s round of SHOTS…
- Apparent pre-season Superbowl participant Green Bay Packers lose their #1 running back, defensive captain, #1 tight end, league sack leader, and about a quarter of the rest of the team. Funny thing is, none of these media ”experts” have backed away from their hasty prediction. Damn, do you b*tches hate gettin’ proved wrong by me THAT bad? Just eat your crow and beat it nerds. The football gods CLEARLY wants me to win that argument…
- Texans finally take out the Colts. Handily. Finally they look like the team they thought they could be. In other Colts news: Bob Sanders is on injured reserve again. Somebody call somebody.
- Michael Vick comes in in Week Two and performs like an M.V.P. candidate for a couple games. Hearing this, the ghosts of Lassie, Benji, and The Littlest Hobo, recruit a couple Redskin dawgs to take him out.
- Jerry Jones did such a good job convincing an ass-load of idiots this year “IT’S THE COWBOYS’ DESTINY TO PLAY ON HOME TURF IN THE SUPERBOWL! YEEHAW!!” that all you gullible bastards still keep talkin’ playoffs (with certainty, mind you) even though they’re 1-5. The Raiders are 2-4 and aren’t even considered for the post season! I say we settle this with a street-fight, something I KNOW we’d get some respect in…
- Brett Favre gets accused of sending “inappropriate” messages to an ex-Jets employee. People say it sounds like Brett on the voice message, but can’t really identify the “inappropriate picture” messages. They should just ask themselves – does it look like its been through 300 straight games?
- The league is cracking down hard on helmet-to-helmet hits, with a flurry of knockouts happening in week 6. Gotta love the irony of them taking Rodney “the most cheatin’-ass Patriot in his time” Harrison’s advice and moving to suspensions without warnings next. In other news, Jets coach Rex Ryan is putting out a weight-loss video…
- Upon his reinstatement, Ben Roethlisberger doesn’t want to be known as “Big Ben” anymore. Apparently that college girl in Georgia gave up more information than we thought…
Game of the week: Eagles at Titans
Let’s see if Kevin Kolb can hold off the second coming of Michael Vick.
Balls call: Titans 23-13
Pretender game of the week: Giants at Cowboys
Giants got nothing to lose. Cowboys got a Jerry Jones’ potential brain aneurysm in the balance. Funny that N.Y.’s coach has a hotter seat under him than Dallas’. Hype’s a helluva thing.
Balls call: Giants 31- 24
– Balls out
