I love comic books. Despite this fact, I still get pussy. Despite that fact, I still get excited every single week for comic book day. Every Wednesday, I watch the clock tick until it’s time to go home and find out what my caped friends have been up to since last I looked in on them. Well guess what? Now I get to have that feeling twice every week! Starting this Friday, R2AK will be bringing you (and me) a second comic book day!! Ladies and gentlemen (and Ian) I’m proud to announce the launch of our very own online comic imprint:
Kamikaze Comics.
The name? Well, our writers and artists, upon signing their lives over to me, are presented with two options: bringing you the greatest comic books of all time OR (Suicide Squad-style) killing themselves with a ceremonial sword forged with the steel of my dick.
[Editor's Note 1: This is a complete falsehood. Nuv just liked how the beginning of the word sounds like 'comic.' Saying Kamikaze Comics out loud, you say 'comic' twice, implying that these comics are twice the comic you're used to. You know, like how Nuv's twice the man Ian is. If the word comic is said once more, we summon Beetlejuice. Comic.]
[Editor's Note 2: His penis is also not comprised of steel. It is closer in consistency to diamond.]
The first comic itself? It’s called Kill All Monsters! The premise? Super-huge-f@¢&-you-robots doing exactly what the title says, in a widescreen format perfect for viewing on computer screens and mobile devices. The future is now, McFly! Need I say more? The answer is NO, crumbcake! Especially since the team behind the first title is doing an interview with that jackwagon Ian on this very site over the next two days!
Speaking of, you wanna meet the team? Sure you do! Well, maybe not in a dark alley, but here, behind the safety of the internets? Ok…You know the fantastic artwork all over the site? That’s Jason Copland. His drawings start every morning by wiping their ass with your drawings. While your drawings’ girlfriends make them pancakes. He’s the baddest man alive with a pen. And he brought friends! Michael May. As in he ‘may’ write circles around you squares, all while rocking a hat-beard-hair combo that is a riveting roller-coaster ride of amazing-ness! And finally, putting the words in the characters mouths: Ed “Kill ‘Em Dead” Brisson. You ever seen a word balloon shank another word balloon in the shower? No? If you wanna keep it that way: DON’T.
F@¢&. WITH. ED!
What’s my role in all this? Well, besides taking this pack of wild animals off the street and giving them a home…nothing! I’m riding their coattails to glory! After the ball gets rolling, I get to sit back with you and just enjoy the ride! Being ‘The Big Kahuna/Tyrant/Meaningless Figurehead’ has it’s perks. There is much to learn from me kiddies…
Well, I’m gonna get some practice in sitting back and letting these dudes do all the work while I reap the benefits. Tune in every day this week for further details, and mark Fridays on your calendar. From now on that’s the day you get a free front row seat to monsters dying by the bucketload in widescreen. What these men do with their pens is going to cause general moistness in the ladies and make the fellas ask themselves some deep, hard questions that Ian’s got a head-start on already.
Kamikaze Comics.
Kill All Monsters!
‘Kay Bye.
- Nuv
I’ve never been so stoked (or so libeled) by a single blog post!