Heyo! I return! And in a super helpful way! If you’re here looking for gift ideas right now, you’re probably feeling a teensy bit panicked, lost or uninspired. Let me share some ideas, secrets and tips to get your Christmas shopping done, so you can get back to what’s really important – wolfing down shortbread while watching ‘Gremlins‘ in your pajamas.
I’ve laid out your rescue mission geographically. (Sorry all of you outside of the Lower Mainland – this had to be local.) You don’t have time to boot down to California to kidnap a suddenly single Ryan Reynolds to stuff into a stocking, nor do you have time to order anything online, unless Canada Post can suddenly do time travel deliveries. But that would create wormholes and paradoxes, things that make my sci-fi virgin head explode. SO, here are the local retailers that will save your ass this Christmas.
The trip to the ‘burbs will be worth it. The antique places in Vancouver have been well picked over AND have inflated prices. Out in my old hometown, shit is still real. Real affordable and quaint. This is where you pick up some amazing costume jewelery (the more elaborate and jangly the better) for your girl or sister, old school embroidered handkerchiefs for your Gramma, mismatched tea sets for your Mom, and a lunchbox of your Pops’ favourite childhood cartoon. The slow wander through, taking in the whiffs of “old” is just a fun bonus.
Blue Ruby (various locations)
You can’t go wrong grabbing a necklace from the Pyrrha line, for your dude or dudette. Nuv and I each have one of their necklaces, his smaller with a sword, mine larger with his initial (chest clutch squeal, I KNOW). They are classic, unique and with a large selection you will for sure find the perfect match for your perfect sweetness.
Sephora (various locations)
I know, I know. Chances are if you’ve left shopping this late, statistically you are probably a boy. And stores like Sephora are nut shrinkers, full of sparkly, smelly colourful goods you could give TWO SHITS about. But, if your chick or dude likes this shit, this is what you get in, grab and get out with. Philosophy makes the most amazing smelling 3-in-1 products: practical AND rad smelling. The Cinnamon Buns flavour will blow.your.mind. Get this. Also, if you need a hostess gift, or if Mom likes to smell nice AND get charmingly hammered, there’s this 3 pack, The Cocktail Party, that will make you look a genius. If you’re a risk taker and trust me, here are the two smells you can’t go wrong with. For the boy, Prada Amber Pour Homme cologne. It’s like a beautiful soap and a rich man fucked and made this beautiful baby. For the girl, Vanille Abricot Eau de Toilette by Comptoir Sud. It’s sweet and strong, so a little goes a long way. I wore this for years and even the most hardened dudes would stop and sniff the air, voices lowering to a near whisper to ask, “What is that? You smell like magic.”
HMV (various locations)
My feeling is that if you care enough about a person to buy them a gift, they probably have similar taste to yours, or should damn well respect yours. Here is a great chance to introduce them to some of the best tv that’s been created in recent years. (I avoid movies for gifts. Doesn’t seem substantial enough, y’know?) If they haven’t seen any of the following, create these amazing gift packs: ‘The Wire’ Complete Series and a nail gun (Home Depot). ‘Dexter’ Season 4 (the best season, in my opinion) along with a fancy Henckel’s knife (House of Knives or The Bay). ‘Modern Family’ (Season 1) and a Sears portrait studio session. ‘Community’ (Season 1) and sign them up for a pottery class. Mad Men (Season 1) and a bottle of Glenlivet scotch (any liquor store).
Chapters (various locations)
As far as new titles go, The Passage was the best thing I read this year. (Yes, I read like three books, but I was pregnant, ok? I wasn’t very well going to recommend What to Expect When You’re Expecting.) As far as do-no-wrong goes, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes or The Complete Far Side are amazing gifts. Yes, they’re a little hefty to read while in the bathroom, but nonetheless will be greatly appreciated.
Stocking Stuffers
The only hard and fast rules I have with stockings are a) there has to be at least one legit gift in there – it can’t all be Lifesavers Sweet Storybooks – and b) there must be a mandarin orange in the toe. Always. So, put one of the above items deep in that there long sock and fill the rest of it up with something from the following Vancouver shops: the Vancouver Art Gallery (or as it’s affectionately called, VAG) has a tremendous gift shop full of wonders; the second floor of Urban Outfitters (Granville St) has very cool wee shit, and Charlie’s Music (also Granville St) has a cornucopia of old and discontinued weird movies, music and box sets. Grab your sibling that shit-ass movie you used to watch when you were kids (’Cool as Ice‘ perhaps?), or that 1970s dry-as-leather BBC series for your Gramma.
The Godfather’s Grapes
Finally, if all else fails, and your loved one likes to make their throat and gut happy, you can’t get any better than a bottle of Coppola wine (available at almost all of the smaller liquor stores in Vancouver). We drank this on our Honeymoon and then made love under the stars on top of a dead hobo. It tasted rad, and I don’t even like wine. (And Piggy, who likes to debate me at every turn, also recommends this delightful swill.)
Alright my loves, that’s about as good as it gets doing your shopping as time tick ticks away. Unless, of course, you head to Chinatown in search of a mogwai….Good luck!
