10. The Dead Weather – Sea of Cowards
Another year, another Dead Weather album, another #10 spot. Here’s what I said then: “Jack White’s 407th side-project. It’s actually fronted by the chick from The Kills. And it does. Hard and heavy, this album is that dive-bar bathroom quickie that you can’t quite remember, but the bruises make you pretty sure you didn’t imagine it.” Yep. Still applicable. Only this time you woke up in a bathtub full of ice. With no kidney. And the word ‘Coward’ written on your forehead backwards. Next to a poorly drawn penis. [Editor’s Note: The above anecdote was based on actual events in Jay Haddow’s life.]
9. Darker My Love – Alive As You Are
Bob Dylan by way of The Strokes. That either sounds awesome to you or super-crappy. I fall in the former camp. This album feels like the soundtrack to a movie I want to star in. A drive down the sunny West Coast, top down, top-speed, while the credits roll (set to Backseat). A flat tire will lead to a harrowing/narrowly-escaped encounter with creep-o hillbillies that kidnap and ‘collect’ handsome ne’er-do-wells like our protagonist, umm, Vun (set to Dear Author). Oooh! Chase Scene! (18th Street Shuffle!) Drug Scene! (Rain Party!) Montage! (Maple Day Getaway!)…I’d go see that shit.
8. Ghostface Killah – Apollo Kids
Every one has their favorite Wu-Tang member and this always leads to debate. Let this album finally settle all arguments. Ghostface was the coolest on the first album with the whole mask gimmick and the savage way he came in on tracks like Da Mystery of Chessboxing. Sure Meth was smooth, GZA was always solid, Ol’ Dirty was a lovable louse, and RZA was “perpendicular to the square” or some shit, but Ghostface was the most believably scary. And he did it all with just a voice (albeit the best voice in the group) and no face! I remember being disappointed when the mask came off. In removing one layer however, Ghost added another – charisma. Nobody in Wu had more. In fact, some had none. (We’re looking at you U-God.) Well, while every other member has been more miss than hit when out on their own, Ghostface has been slathering that charisma on solo album after solo album since the mid-90’s, saying kooky shit like “I love you, you cunt!” and making it sound romantic. Apollo Kids is no different. In fact that trusty old approach, while welcome, is the only thing that keeps this down at 8. No new ground is broken. To be fair though, that’s because Ghost already jack hammered that ground out a long-ass time ago. Standout tracks are In Tha Park, Troublemakers, Starkology…man, just throw some pantyhose on your face and check the whole album! Cool?
7. Ty Segall – Melted
6. Harlem – Hippies
Garage-punk-fuzz-guitar-fun for scumbags. Both these shits make me want to give myself a nosebleed and write a song about you on a bathroom wall. Plus if you combine the two album titles, you’ll be privy to my ultimate goal!
– Nuv
Tune in tomorrow for Part Two…
