Sounding Off On 2010

[Editor's Note: For more unasked-for Nuv opinions, check out his Top Ten Albums of 2010 Trilogy by clicking this sentence.]

Shut up, Editor.

Let’s start this off as retardedly as possible. Literally…

The Wesley Willis Award

For those of you who don’t know who Wesley Willis is, well he was a big crazy mentally handicapped man that had a permanent callous on his forehead from greeting people with headbutts, and made humorously awful music that revolved around things like Alanis Morrissette rocking Saddam Hussein’s ass, whupping Batman’s ass and sucking cheetah dicks and whatnot. You know, the usual. Anyhow, there are no words for what I’m about to do to you by showing you these. Tied for this year’s WW Award are Take U To Da Movies by Bangs (Piggy pointed out that some of the background images are still watermarked from whatever site he stole them from) and Christian Side Hug by Religion’s Black Eye (?).

Oh and Rymer and Hamilton: fuck you/thank you for showing me these monstrosities. Me and my nephews, The Infamous Motherfuckin’ Monkey Brothers™, watched these together, laughing until we cried real Gypsy Tears and quoting the nonsensical lines for days after. “I’m goin’ global ’cause you don’t know me / I’m buying’ babies like I’m Angelina Jolie…” Sooo…no front-touching, but God’s cool with slavery? And how does the fact that someone doesn’t know you force you to ‘go global’? Zut alors, I bet the big guy upstairs (you know, the fictional one) wishes Moses or Abraham were still around instead of these fuckin’ feebs!

The Julian Harris “Whatthefuckinfuckiswrongwiththeseguys?!” Award Of Carny Excellence:
Das Racist – Ek Shaneesh

11. Top Ten Albums Of The Year Deleted Scenes & Outtakes

Over the last three days I unveiled my Top Ten Albums of 2010. I only had nine as of December 29. I almost did a cop-out “Choose Your Own Adventure” pick for #10. There were so many albums I liked a lot but didn’t love. The National’s High Violet. Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs. Robert Plant’s Band of Joy. Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross’ The Social Network soundtrack. Black El almost made the cut with his EP Color Commentary, but it’s an EP, not an LP. Meaning: much like the short length of HBO’s Oz seasons eliminated it from awards back in the day, and the short length of Terrence Howard’s peen eliminates him from dignity, Black El was blackballed from the list. (Still, you should check that shit out. It’s sick!) Asher Roth’s mixtape Seared Foie Gras with Quince & Cranberry came close to making the cut, but amazing as Asher is on it, his buddies, who he allows to ride his coattails onto the album, are equally bummy. Wick-It The Instigator’s FREE Big Boi/Black Keys mash-up The Brothers of Chico Dusty is just as awesome as that sounds, but it’s a mash-up, so I ruled it out. (Though you shouldn’t!) Luckily ‘Close-But-No-Cigar’ turned into ‘Too-Close-For-Comfort’ when, on the very last day of the year, I discovered an album I had yet to listen to, and lo and behold: It fucking rules! Not only did it make the cut, but Ty Segall’s Melted leapfrogged three picks and landed at #7! Whew!

Verse of the year: J. Cole on Lookin’ For Trouble

Story goes that Kanye wanted a verse from Cole for that Friday’s release, and told him this part way through Thursday while Cole was on a bus en route to an interview in a different city. Kanye told him he had engineers in the studio that would wait all night if they had to. J. Cole wrote his shit on that bus-ride, did his interview, tracked down a studio, spat his verse, emailed it off in the nick of time and landed the last spot on the track with easily the best verse. In addition to the sick punchlines and flawless flow on display here, you can practically feel the hunger dripping out of your speakers when Cole grabs the mic. Speaking of those punchlines: “…they say you are what you eat and I still ain’t pussy…” is outrageous and is only outdone by the matter-of-fact last line in his verse “…ironic you been sleepin’ on the one that you been dreamin’ ’bout.”

With a kick-ass single and video (Who Dat, see below) and a solid mixtape (Friday Night Lights) under his belt, mentor Jay-Z at his back, Kanye in his corner and the Hip Hop Quotable of 2010 on his resume, I feel safe jumping the gun and saying J. Cole is the artist to watch in 2011. “Cole World” indeed, motherfuckers! [Get the whole song free here.]

Best Songs of The Year: The Nomads

I know I just spent the past three days extolling the virtues of album-ness, but honestly, in this day and age, the album is dying and the single is king. There were about a billion albums that were meh as albums, but had serious stand-out tracks that deserve mention. Like, believe it or not, the ‘Twilight: Eclipse’ soundtrack. Forgive the limp-wristedness of the previous sentence and hear me out: The Black Keys and The Dead Weather made appearances strong enough to negate the fact they’re on a sparkly angst-fest of an album. I promise. Also just under half of Canibus’ C of Tranquility finally matched him with beats worthy of his monstrous voice. Still, half a piece of shit is still a piece of shit.

Point being: what I did for you motherfuckers that don’t like getting your hands dirty, is pick through the shit and pulled out the…corn? I don’t know. Ehh. Forget that analogy. Here’s some songs. They’re good. And shit.

Cee-Lo Greene – Fuck You

Janelle Monae – Tightrope (Feat. Big Boi)

Big Boi – Shutterbugg

Gil Scott-Heron – New York Is Killing Me

Juelz Santana/Yelawolf – Mixin’ Up The Medicine (Remix)

Kid CuDi – Erase Me (Feat. Kanye West)

Drake – Over

J. Cole – Who Dat

Lil Wayne – Six Foot Seven Foot

Eminem & Royce Da 5′9″ (AKA Bad Meets Evil) – Living Proof

T.I. – That’s All She Wrote (Feat. Eminem)

Naughty By Nature – Gotta Lotta

All City Chess Club – I’m Beamin’ (Remix)

Asher Roth – G.R.I.N.D. (Get Ready It’s a New Day)

P.O.S./Slug – Ice Cream

Reflection Eternal – In This World

Sleigh Bells – Infinity Guitars

Das Racist - Hahahaha Jk?

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings – I Learned The Hard Way

All of Beck’s contributions to ‘Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World’:
Summertime • Garbage Truck • Threshold • Ramona • Ramona (Acoustic Version)

Now get off my damn lawn. Damn kids. Damn!

– Nuv

[Editor's Note: Tell us what your favourite music of 2010 was below in the comments section. Not that Nuv gives a shit. Self-centered a-hole. Why's he always gotta tell me to shut up?]

Shut up, Editor!

[Editor: Dammit!]

Ha Ha! You can’t stop me! I’m a machine, jerk!!