Let the countdown to The Mustard Yellow Super Tight Pant Super Bowl Extravaganza™ begin!
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP
Green Bay Packers 21
Chicago Bears 14
Coming into this game the Packers were probably feeling like a 5-year-old who just beat his dad in a game of Go Fish: you’re proud, and you have reason to be, but you know deep down it’s just Go Fish and you’ve got bigger and better things to achieve. The Bears were probably feeling like a 30-year-old who just beat his grandma in a game of dodge ball: you’re proud, probably shouldn’t be, and not many people are impressed. So the Bears had more to prove, and the Packers had momentum to keep up. Unfortunately none of these things happened, but this isn’t tiny tots baseball and there is always a winner and a loser. Starting with the winners…
The first drive of the game looked very promising for the Packers, but things started to come a bit undone after a pick off the top of Donald Driver’s foot, and a lot of incomplete passes. A second pick by Brian Urlacher seemed to make the Packers nervous and rely a bit more on the run game… which I hate. Not the run game, but when teams are afraid to throw the ball due to turnovers. Learn from your mistakes and move on please! When they were catching the ball and running they utilized a good chunk of their offensive weapons and made some pretty impressive gains. On the other side of the ball they played well with three picks, a rather large B.J Raji celebration dance, and a moment of yes-you-have-the-ball-now-get-the-fuck-down-before-you-make-yourself-look-like-a-fool moment for Sam Shields.
Jay Cutler you made my drinking game a success with my friends (and many more) getting pissed at you and due to you… thanks. The shining moment for the Bears came from their 3rd string QB Caleb Hanie… who? The guy threw 13/20 for 153 yds and two interceptions and still looked like a hero for the losing Bears… good for you guy! In reading up on Cutler’s injury, there have been a lot of comments in his defence about how there is “more to life than football”… Ha! Being a girl, I know there is more to life than football, like shoes, boys and shoes. But really, when you are on the doorstep of the Super Bowl there is nothing more. That’s why you are there, that’s why you are the quarterback, there are no shoes, no boys and no torn MCL. You play till you can’t walk, then you let Hanie come in and save the day. Or at least wait until the start of the 4th quarter so you have the option of bailing him out.
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP
Pittsburgh Steelers 24
New York Jets 19
I fully blame this Jets loss on this pick and pass karma… no good can come from this act of sharing. The Steelers started the game with a 9-minute long opening drive so it would seem the Jets left their tackling pants at home. What are tackling pants? I don’t really know… but the Jets didn’t have none. Bad penalties, fortunate (for the Steelers) ball spotting, and the inability to turn a first half possession into points of any kind plagued the Jets in a bad way.
THEN! Shit got real, real umm… exciting, but very slowly. Yeah, you are playing better defense and you are putting some points on the board, but why are you doing it so slowly?!?! Why are you celebrating every little good play and losing track of the clock while your main goal is slipping away? Whatever. I don’t even really care about you. Have a nice off season, find some damn tissues, and get yer mom to sew you some tackling pants… we’re off to Dallas!
I’m sorry Pittsburgh, but I didn’t want your Steelers to win, out of respect. Really. I know the Packers are good, but I do not consider you the underdogs of this match up and I’m scared of you. Dear Troy P. I’m sorry you didn’t get to do much of your awesome tackling this game… but the girl part of me was kinda happy about that. Why do you hit so hard? It hurts just watching it on TV. You really should relax… try some tackling shorts instead.
Next week:
• a bit of a recap of a hopefully interesting pro bowl (lower case)
• a big old dose of my thoughts on the upcoming SUPER BOWL (CAPS LOCK!)
Until then:
• Never hit your grandma with a dodge ball
• Always take a knee when you just saved the end of the game
• Stop holding the ball so far away from you when running in a TD (BEN and B.J.)
– “Hail Mary” McLeod
I can’t believe a 2 time (”accused” but c’mon we all know he did it) rapist is going to the superbowl….Goooo Packers! Fuck you Rothlisburger.
Now that I got that out of the way…. Good job on #3 there HMM. I wish we were watching the superbowl together, it seems like a season of watching with you is done so soon. I loved your Cuntler drinking game and looking forward to your rules for superbowl!