A funny thing happens when you are required to write about a Super Bowl that doesn’t contain your favourite team and is being played in said team’s home stadium: you start to feel a bit bitter and jealous about the whole thing. You are unable to form nice or realistic thoughts about the Packers or the Steelers. And you start to wonder if maybe Jerry Jones built a tiny little room to store all the great players after the game so you can have them next season… did you Jerry? ‘Cause I have a wish list and it goes like this: Aaron Rodgers, Jordy Nelson, Greg Jennings, Tramon Williams, Clay Matthews, William Gay, and for the fuzz, Brett Keisel. Thanks in advance. I do know that I want Green Bay to beat the shit out of Pittsburgh in a big way… so that’s nice and not bitter of me.
Now let’s discuss a few reasons I am likely to be let down on my shit-kicking wish… and with a very unpredictable season drawing to a close, let’s talk about some potential game-changing surprises.
Rashard Mendenhall: Yeah this guy will show up… and likely in a big way, with the Packers strong pass rush and desire to pick more than just their noses. The Steelers will be putting on a running game clinic for the Pack, who are in need of a bit of advice in that area. Tackling pants will be a necessity.
Ben Roethlisberger: I love a QB that can move in the pocket and beyond, and I even love the name Ben… but I really don’t love you Mr. Roethlisberger. It’s not just because of your past screw ups, or the fact that I can’t spell your last name without the help of Google. Maybe it’s because you are hard to get down, and me not being a Steelers fan I find this frustrating. Rumor has it the Packers have been studying and trying to figure out how to take you down. I have some ideas. a) Go low. Ben is a big man so don’t waste your time trying to strip the ball. Take him out at the ankles and when that doesn’t work b) slip some roofies in his Gatorade.
Defense: We all know that this is supposed to be a big defensive match up… but that’s also what we thought last week and it didn’t really turn out that way. Here we have two teams with QB’s that can move and throw well, one team with an impressive run game and another looking to earn an A for effort with theirs. You also have a team that has a near 350 pound man that can pick you off amongst other interception stars, and a team with a long luscious (that word’s kinda gross right?) haired guy that can hit you so hard you are likely to fumble your bladder. So, while this has the makings of a good defensive battle, I also think this could be a high scoring game with many exciting turnovers to get you all hot and bothered.
Potential Surprises:
- Injuries end up making a difference… I get bored reading about injuries leading up to games as most rarely make a huge difference. In fact a lot of new discoveries of awesomeness can be made when shifting things around. But the news that Maurkice Pouncey will not likely play is interesting to me. Centers have the potential to make some pretty fatal mistakes and not having your starting guy in the middle can spell trouble for any team. Look for sloppy snaps and missed blocking opportunities.
- The quarterbacks are kept in check. If the defenses are able to keep Roethlisberger and Rodgers from moving around and extending the plays, that may be the only thing turning this into the defensive battle everyone is calling for.
- Not using your time wisely… this would not actually surprise me. We’ve seen it all year: timeouts being wasted and a lack of hustle when it’s needed most. Mike Tomlin isn’t afraid to use challenges early and on seemingly unimportant calls… so far it hasn’t hurt him. But it could, and I’ll be sitting there laughing at him when it does.
What I think will happen:
Pittsburgh Steelers 28
Green Bay Packers 24
What I hope will happen:
Green Bay Packers 31
Pittsburgh Steelers 10
And finally… my summary of the Pro Bowl.
- Probably not being taken seriously by anyone
- Real pros are getting ready for Dallas
- Ohhh look, everyone’s wearing khaki pants!
- Butt crack from Alex Mack, I saw that!
- Oops! I threw the ball to the wrong team again
- Why isn’t that streaking fan taking off his pants?!?!
- Larry Fitzgerald, you have the best ass around
– “Hail Mary” McLeod
