For those of you just tuning in, DC has rocked the comic industry with some bombshell announcements, including ending their current line of comics, relaunching the following month with 52 new #1’s and releasing every title digitally, day-and-date with the print edition. Ian and Nuv, joined by “Macho Man” Mark Campbell, play 52 pickup and guide you through the new DC Universe. Need to play catch-up? Follow the links below…
Mark: The success of an anthology book in the current market is always a crap shoot, entirely dependent on top tier creative teams. This would have been a great opportunity for DC to skip the monthly book and just release a series of high quality graphic novels under the DC Universe Presents banner. Spotlight the characters in the new setting, and promote the hell out of them. Collect two stories in each book: one by a well known creator; another with a lesser-known. Instead, they’re going monthly and the series will likely flop.
Ian: Flip that flop, Marko Polo! Jenkins, Chang, Sook and possibly Cooke? I’m pulling it right now!
Nuv: Unfortunately, kids, I can attest that the perv is indeed “pulling it” right now. DCUP (rad!) seems like it’ll be the spiritual successor to Solo and Wednesday Comics, DC’s previous artist showcase series. If the level of talent remains high, I’ll support this like “Sweet Valley” Ian’s training bra supports his little bee-sting titties.
Mark: Why don’t you leave him alone?
Nuv: Why don’t I shit in your shampoo bottle?
Mark: [rolls eyes]
Mark: Count me in. Snyder (more on him tomorrow) and Paquette make for a formidable duo. Francesco Francavilla has also been named in connection with Swampy, so I will simply direct you to his poster for the Doctor Who episode, “The Impossible Astronaut.” Look at that and tell me FF won’t rock this book.
Ian: Scott Snyder again? Yes! Vampire Swamp Thing!
Nuv: Though the character resembles Mama Explosivo’s great yeast infection of the late 70s (later dressed in hipster rags and raised to refer to itself as Ian), the elite creative team gets the benefit of the doubt.
Mark: Despite having the worst title of any of the 52, I like the concept. I don’t know if I’ll read it monthly or in trade, but I’m interested. I wonder though, do you serve Justice League Dark chilled, or at room temperature?
Nuv: Maaan, fuck vegetables!
Mark: This will be on my pull list. Not for me, but for my wife. She’s loved Demon ever since she saw him in the Justice League cartoon and shouted, “who’s the guy with fins on his head?” I texted her the solicitation copy for the book and she replied with a very enthusiastic “HOLY CRAP AWESOMESAUCE!!!” Cornell rocked the Lex Luthor-centric Action Comics and wrote two really good episodes of Doctor Who, so even though this is a “for the wife” book, you might catch me reading an issue or two.
Ian: Is that the rapping demon again? Maaaaannn…
Mark: The cover for this issue is absolutely gorgeous. Voodoo (see Wildcats Volume 2 for a great Joe Casey-penned story) is an interesting choice to headline a title. It sounds like DC will be using her story to explain the place of the Daemonites and Kherubim in the new DC Universe.
Ian: Ron Marz made me care about a Catholic heroine last year and Sami Basri almost made me buy Power Girl. So I’ll probably be powerless against this title.
Mark: What the hell is this? A comic adaptation of Twilight?
Ian: A vampire book not written by Scott Snyder? Oh like THAT’S going to fly. Also, maybe DC didn’t hear how hard Marvel was getting mocked for their vampire stuff last year?
Ian: I’ve been getting advance previews of this book for almost twenty years! It’s called Hellboy and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.
Nuv: Hellboy jumped from Dark Horse to DC? THE Hellboy?! Sweet! DC always needed a pretty but painfully overrated and boring piece-o-shit comic to adapt into a well-cast but even more boring piece-o-shit movie! Hopefully they can grab that crummy lump Gianfelice (now that your beloved man-on-man Viking romance comic Northlanders has been given the long-overdue axe) and complete the property’s transformation into sedative-on-paper. Oh, what? This isn’t Hellboy? Oh. Well, then, I’ll pass. Despite Frankenstein being built like me from the waist down. Gundick!
Ian: Kind of a cool concept! I’ll probably read this at the store until someone is all “Hey BUDDY! This ain’t a LIBRARY!” and I’m all “FUGGEDDABOUTIT!”
Mark: Never read the original and probably won’t bother with this one. DnA write great stories, so no slight on them, but this was cancelled once due to poor sales. Can they pull it off this time?
Mark: Midnighter has a spike on his chin. His CHIN. That is all I am going to say about this.
Nuv: Hey, Stormwatch! Let Martian Manhunter and Cornell go. They never did nothin’ to nobody!
Mark: See Voodoo, but insert the bad-boy of the Wildstorm world.
Nuv: Heh. “CAFU.” Sounds like the beginning of a Fu-Schnickens lyric. Still, if Wildstorm had one iconic character that deserves to live on, this is it.
Ian: Moritat’s art is revolting, so this looks pretty not-good. But Gray and Palmiotti have a fondness for Darwyn Cooke. So if that translates into more Cooke-drawn Western goodness, bring it on.
Nuv: Pfft! Moritat’s dope, and despite Hollywood’s successful attempt to convince everyone otherwise, so’s Jonah Hex. Justin and Jimmy have been quietly crafting a kick-ass western for DC for years, with one-and-done Eastwood-esque tales of few words and many bulllets. And bringing Hex to the Gotham of the late 1800s is comicbookawesomeyeah!
Mark: DC guns for the Call of Duty crowd…
Nuv: …and gets first-person-shot in the dick by low sales.
Mark: Look! More spikes! Everyone loves spikes, right? And big, Final Fantasy-style swords!
Ian: All masturbation jokes aside, this comic looks pretty lame.
Ian: Put Lady Blackhawk (Zinda Blake) front and center and I’ll read this book. Otherwise NO DICE!
Mark: What’s the count for black-ops/mercenary/ex-military books? I count six: Blackhawks, Deathstroke, Men of War, Grifter, Birds of Prey, and Suicide Squad. That’s six more books that don’t feature A-listers and are essentially competing with themselves for shelf space.
Nuv: My reaction to this rhymes with “Pooh Shivs Uh Clit.”
Mark: Great homage to King Kirby on the cover, but I could care less about this book. How long will DiDio stay involved with it? And how long will he hold off on canceling his own book? What, you don’t seriously think OMAC can hold up against Batman or a good 50% of the other books listed above, do you?
Ian: With Keith Giffen on the art, this book will never be late. If your only criteria for buying comics is that they’re never late, this is the book for you.
Mark: I wonder if Kevin Smith looks at the Suicide Girl on this cover and regrets naming his daughter Harley Quinn.
Nuv: Regarding Harley Quinn, I brought in Magic 8 Ball (Ian’s pimp, not the novelty item). He says “That shit is decidedly so, Mu’fuckaz!”
Suicide Squad? “Concept is sound.” (Bad guys get sent on suicide missions to work off their imprisonment; not everyone makes it back alive.)
Will I buy it? “Reply is hazy. Ask again later. Pee-imp!” (Nah.)
Mark: Do you even know what you’re talking about?
Mark: Sigh. I wonder if Mark Campbell regrets this assignment…