Let’s get straight to the point. Despite what Ian will try and tell you:
a) Flashpoint does not suck, and even if it did, he wouldn’t know because he hasn’t read it.
b) Fear Itself started strong but is turning out ’meh’ at best. He’s giving it a pass because, like the plot itself, he’s all about dudes hammers raining down on his face.
c) He was indeed the fourth Rice Krispies Elf, but they kicked him out of the band. “Snap! Crackle! Pop! Shitface!” just didn’t have the same ring to it.
So fuckwhatchaheard, sons: Flashpoint is the shit! Even if altered timelines and shit make your brain hurt, there’s something for everyone, both in the excellent main series (which, come August 31st, will end up being the swan song for the DC Universe before The New DCU rises from the ashes) and the Baskin Robbins-ass array of spin-offs and mini-series!
Flashpoint’s alternate reality storyline has allowed for some funhouse mirror versions of our heroes, like India’s own dapper tea-drinking despot, The Outsider. And the kid-friendly, begging for a big screen Harry Potter-style franchise, spelled out for you S.H.A.Z.A.M. Agents.
And the prettiest bitch in the pack, Deadman & The Flying Graysons. A fun read, but most notable for the retardedly radical covers by “My Work’ll Make Other Artists Jump Off A” Cliff Chiang. CC is so inhumanly cool I’m going to buy Wonder Woman in September when he illustrates it. (Seriously.) Back to the lecture at hand: I would frame each and every one of these like they were Ian in a death penalty state.
As pretty as those covers are, they aren’t the best thing to come out of Flashpoint. Naw. As usual, the coolest mu’fucker in the room is Batman. Twice! Not only is his the freshest take on a classic character in Flashpoint proper but he also gets his own spin-off, one of the best mini-series I’ve read in a while – Batman: Knight of Vengeance. The ‘capital-C’ crazy twists in his storyline made for two of the best cliffhangers I’ve read in a while. Gather ‘round, motherbitches. This one’ll kill ya…
One: Batman’s identity. In this world, Bruce was the one that was shot, while his parents survived, leaving a vengeful, merciless Thomas Wayne as the even darker, more violent Batman. While he still kicks the fucking hell out of crime, and runs Gotham, the similarities end there. Gone is the philanthropy of Wayne Foundation, replaced by Wayne Casinos. The familiar Batcave full of gadgets or mementos is replaced by a lone desk, a lamp and an angry old man. (So, basically Ian’s house.) Sounds pretty rad, right? Motherfucker, that ain’t even SHIT yet…
Two: An even bigger kick to the nut-duffle is the reveal of this world’s Joker. Harvey Dent’s twin (natch) children are kidnapped. Commissioner Gordon foolishly sets out to rescue them sans Batman to prove a point. He finds the boy, bound and gagged, and lurking behind him in the shadows: The Joker! He puts him in the crosshairs and BANG! The Joker falls. He approaches the body, with Eduardo Risso’s pitch-black art heightening the mood and finds [SPOILER ALERT - highlight the following invisible text to ruin the twist] the body of the girl twin, who had been stood on a stool, gagged and bound also, and draped in Joker’s purple coat. As Gordon comes to the sick realization that he just fucked up large-time and capped a kid, he is cut to shreds by the real Joker before the not-quite-in-the-nick-of-time Batman’s eyes. Batman screams at Joker “What have you done this time… MARTHA?!” You see, on this world, driven mad by Bruce’s death, his motherfuckin’ MOM becomes the Joker! [END SPOILERS - we now return you to your regularly-scheduled text you can see with your eyeballs…] The shit is BANANAS! And the subtle easter egg nods to The Killing Joke in #3 bring the series to a poignant, pitch-perfect close.
Three issues long. $9 in total. Stand-alone, meaning the easily-confused and anti-fun Ian, for example, can skip the main Flashpoint series and get a complete story in these pages. Crafted by the very same super-elite squad of comic book creators responsible for the ice cold 100 Bullets: writer Brian Azzarello, the aforementioned Risso, and, cheating on PunisherMax, Dave Johnson on the covers. Look here, you scumbags can’t afford NOT to pick up Batman: Knight of Vengeance, see?
Now – nothin’ up my sleeve – watch me turn this article into one sentence: Ian’s mouth is one size fits all for dinkies and Batman’s foot is the exact shape of your ass!
Presto fuckin’ change-o!
– Nuv
