Fuck an intro!
Ed Says: Fuck Fred!
Ed Brubaker’s a gnarled, twisted motherfucker. He must be, judging by his grit-in-your-teeth, hard-boiled pulp noir series Criminal. The latest installment, The Last of the Innocent is the best yet. The title alludes to Seduction of the Innocent, a book written by a crackpot named Dr. Fredric Wertham in the fifties that very nearly killed comic books with paranoid theories and wild accusations that comics were corrupting our children, leaping to conclusions in a single bound. This book basically realizes his worst fears by presenting us with a tainted version of the most harmless characters comics have to offer. Intertwined with the usual amoral, nobody wins in the end crime story is a seedy, thinly-veiled group of characters that are essentially the cast of Archie Comics, grown up and gone horribly wrong. The flashbacks are illustrated to look just like the innocent Riverdale hijinks of Jughead and the gang, which makes all of the swearing, sex and pot-smoking stand out that much more, while the present day stuff has the usual skeevy “woke up in a pool of piss next to Ian’s mom” look, both handled excellently by Ed’s partner-in-crime, Sean Phillips. Proof! [Click to make it bigger]
It would be criminal of you to pass over Criminal. And crime does not pay, devil worshipper! Buy this shit NOW!
Southern Hospitality
Another excellent, grimy as fuuuuck comic book you should get right this damn second is Loose Ends. Set in a sweltering, sweaty, southern town, taking place mostly at a bar on a night where nothing ends well for anyone involved. Jason Latour proves as sick an author as he is an artist, and soaking in what he and The Kickstand Kids (the hurricane of awesome-ness known as Chris Brunner and World’s Greatest Colorist™ Rico Renzi) brewed up for us caught me off guard like a sucker punch and left me buzzed. I was reminded of the feeling I got the first time I saw a Tarantino film or the first time I heard Yelawolf. No hyperbole. These three guys are paving their own lane on the bones of your favourite comics with art that will assfuck your eyes in the ASS. Loose Ends indeed. Keep both eyes open, one on this trio and one on this book.
The Thunder Alley Rally
Alex, I’ll follow up Loose Ends with another one from “Comic Book Titles That Are Also Indicative Of Ian’s Sex Life” for $500…(beepbeepbeep) What is Rodd Racer? Hmm? Oh, I was just answering Jeopardy-style. You actually want to know what Rodd Racer is? Well, it’s a turbo-charged thrill ride about kicking ass with cars in the “Thunder Alley Rally” and gangsters and revenge and shit that’ll have you tightening your seatbelt and coughing up exhaust, brought to you by the unreal Toby Cypress. Seriously. Unreal. Like, fake. He’s too damn good to be true. Lookathisshit! [Click to make it bigger]
Different Strokes
Hey you know Zach Howard? No? You will. His art on The Cape, which has nothing to do with NBC’s dignity-devoid shitshow, is the shee-it, sho’nuff! Almost as good as…
“YOU COCK-SLAPPIN’, DONKEY-CRAPPIN’, MUTHA-LICKIN’, LAW-BREAKIN’ TRUCKER FUCK–!” (a/k/a “MY HATRED WILL FUCK YOU UP!”)
…the art on Butcher Baker: The Righteous Maker. So, straight up? The controlled chaos of Mike Huddleston’s amazing and intense bad-trip-on-acid/bullet-in-the-head artwork is the first reason you need to cop this. Reason number two? Straight from the horse’s mouth – writer Joe Casey: “We’re not trying to win a Nobel Peace Prize here… it’s a motherfucking comicbook where shit blows up and freaks try to beat the shit out of each other!” This is a motherfucker that writes a whole essay in the back of a recent issue about how excited he was the first time he saw a trailer for the 1989 Batman movie (hint: almost as excited as I was) and celebrates a bad review – where “Nameless Weirdo Woman” found #1 so depraved she posted video of herself tearing it up – as his favourite reaction to a comic he wrote!
Need more reasons to buy BB? Okey dokey. Ultra-vulgar and creative swearing, doorknobs shaped like dicks, stripper orgies, hard drinking, secret missions assigned by Jay Leno and Dick Cheney, uber-violence, a main character that’s a riff on the Watchmen’s Comedian (with a dash of Bisley’s grizzly depiction of Lobo) that drives a bad-ass rig with an Old Glory paintjob being chased by all of his (surviving) old enemies – named awesome shit like Jihad Jones, Angerhead and El Sushi – and a dumb-as-fuck, over-the-top amalgamation of Boss Hogg and Sheriff Earl McGraw (who says amazing shit like the quote above the first truck pic). PLUS it’s FREE online, for both your home computer and your mobile devices! Oh. And, the most important reason: ‘CAUSE I SAID SO!
Seriously, Who The Hell Delivers Pizza To A Sewer?
If all you know of TMNT is “Cowabunga, dude!” and weird pizzas and chewed-up-gum-lookin’ Krang and shit, go read the original comics and then meet back here in the fall when IDW and original creator Kevin Eastman dust off the real McCoy, Casey Jones and all! Twice as cool and three times as violent. So, Vanilla? You can take your Ninja Rap and stick it up your yeah, stick it up your yeah…
(Turtle Power’s still the shit though, sons!)
Don’t Call It A Comeback, They’ve Been Here For Years…
Somebody buy me Comeback Kings IMMEDIATELY! Bruce Lee assembles a motley crew of other dudes that faked their deaths (Jim Morrison, Andy Kaufman, Elvis, Michael Jackson, 2Pac) and kicks ass all over the globe. WHY CANT I FIND A COPY OF THIS?!
Fantastic Mister
I don’t give a motherfuck about Spidey-Spawn, I mean Haunt. BUT the extremely talented Nathan Fox is about to take that shit over, so I guess I gotta get that shit now. Thanks a lot Nathan. You and your fuckin’ super-talent, I tells ya…
100% Less Sparkle!
There are two legit reasons not to be reading the World War II storyline running through American Vampire and it’s sister series American Vampire: Survival of the Fittest. One: You can’t read. Two: You hate things that are the awesomest. (Actually, even illiterate mofos can drool over the one-two punch of Rafael Albuquerque and Sean Gordon Murphy on the art tip. So: make that ONE legit reason…) Sure, Stephen King bounced like ten issues ago, but Scott Snyder stepped up in them creep-shoes and kept the shit correct all by his-damn-self. What now, Pachuko?! Yeah, that’s what I thought! Turn off True Blood, slam a dresser drawer on your penis for owning Twilight, and then run, don’t walk, to the comic shop and catch up. Vampire Nazis and badass ragtag teams on secret missions await!
See you in hell, scumbags!
– Nuv
Nuv, I’m going to read this article tomorrow and then I’m probably going to put my foot in your ass!
Not without a stepladder, Half-pint.