So anyway, the other night I got blackmailed into attending a “social outing” with the arsehole Nuv and the people he pays to be his friends. And then wapow, the topic on the best of the New DC 52 comes up. After many harsh, unforgivable words we got down to business and worked out our (dis)respective TOP FIVE PICKS. My top five, of course, has twelve.
These are the new additions to my monthly pulls. Enjoy suckas!
There’s nothing certain in life but death and taxes. And the fact that Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s Batman is the crown-jewel of DC’s entire re-launch. And the fact that as long as Nuv lives, local EMS crews will be responding and removing objects wedged in his anus.
I’ve never really cared about Wonder Woman, aside from her role as “Most Smoochable Member of the Justice League”, but this book is amazing and I’m really looking forward to reading it every month. Side note: Nuv’s MSMJL is Superman’s red underpants. Overpants? Anyways, they’re gone! GET OVER IT NUV.
He’s a space fish with a heart of gold. Sometimes vans get flipped over! Where one stands at the shore, two stand because MERA! In summation, I’m buying this book but I’m NOT PROUD OF IT.
I’m not pulling it, Venus is! But you know what? I like it too. Babs has been in that wheelchair LONG ENOUGH I tells ya. That Limey kook Alan Moore shot her like, forever ago? Hello? Anyway, she’s crime fighting again (with 100% more running and kicking!) and I’m down like James Brown.
It’s funny how Scott Snyder made Swamp Thing (a character NO ONE cared about since Alan Moore was sane) one of the big hits of the new DC universe. Choose your own dis!
If you choose “You want funny? No one has EVER cared about Nuv!” go to page 231.
If you choose “I’d like to see Nuv get a ‘big hit’ from a Greyhound bus!” go to page 74.
Let’s face it, this comic could be called Manapul Monthly and feature homeless people converting shopping carts into makeshift Canada geese barbeques and it would sell just as many copies. Sheeeee-IT! I’d even read a mother flippin’ SUPERMAN comic if Francis Manapul was drawing it.
If I hadn’t agreed to read all 52 #1’s, there is no way I would have given this book the time of day. If it was like “Pardon me, can you tell me what time…” I’d be like “Go fuck yerself Demon Knights!” Anyway, as it turns out I found a Justice of the Peace willing to perform the ceremony and now the first two issues and I are GETTING MARRIED next SUNDAY at the Unitarian Church!
Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E.
Alberto Ponticelli’s art reminds me of a shakier (but not sloppy!) Sean Phillips and Jeff Lemire is rightfully gaining popularity for his creepy-cool stories. The second issue is even better than the first and you know what? Nuv Takhar will personally pay each of our readers $20 if Lemire and Ponticelli aren’t co-CEOs of DC comics by the tenth issue.
I brought this one home only to have it snatched from my hands by the lovely and thieving Venus Toshiba. So we’re pulling this one alright, although I have to wait my turn to read it. Sad story, you guys! Oh, and it doesn’t hurt that Mahmud Asrar’s art is a gorgeous cross between Tim Sale and Francis Manapul.
Everyone knew J.H. Williams the THREE was gonna bring his A-game since before this book became his baby. Hell, even I knew that and I can’t stand babies! Also, the second issue has amazing fight scenes with cutaway x-ray panels showing fist-and-foot-fractured bones. AMAZING!
This comic is like this column. You can’t have a good thing (me) without something gross (Nuv). I didn’t really want to pull Animal Man because I don’t like the art very much, but the story is gonna smash into Swamp Thing in a great big way and I don’t want to be stuck with half a story. Meh!
My therapist says I can’t stay mad at Jim Lee forever over the FIASCO OF LATENESS known as All-Star Batman and Robin. He also said I couldn’t set his desk on fire and peel out of the parking lot hoisting the middle finger while cranking Tom Cochrane’s Life is a Highway. Ka-pow! INCORRECT ON ALL COUNTS! Anyhoo, Justice League is pretty sweet and there are only two members so far.
Also, technically, this book is the first of the New 52 to be late. Yeesh…
Anyway, that’s it for my 12-issue subscription additions! How am I funding it all, you might ask? Well Nuv has hipped me to opportunities in the booming after-hours bathhouse masseur industry, so that’s always an option. Also, the guys at my local comic shop (THE CONNECTION REPRESENT!) have an amazing discount system for regular customers. Also, I dumped a bunch of Marvel comics.
HOLY SHIT WHAT?! More on that next week?!
– Ian
Good stuff, Ian.