I took last week off on account of having a hangover for a solid week, but I’m back, the headache is gone and I’m gonna get you ready for Week 7. But first, we pick up the pieces from Week 6.
The 49ers
What’s up with these assholes? They’re the fourth highest scoring team in the league and they’re ranked third in fewest points allowed. That’s helped them to a 5-1 record and forced the rest of the NFL to finally take notice of a team from the hugest pile of crap division ever: the NFC West. This division is awful, and being on the west coast, we see this horrible division often on TV. I’ve hated that forever but this season I’ve been able to watch this 49ers team turn into a contender, and it’s been fun. They’re a really balanced team, they’re young and full of piss and vinegar and moxie and grit, ya see. They have a now famous fiery coach, and they shut down the run as well as any team. Their D overall is intimidating as they can cover well too, mainly thanks to this dude. They also have one of the best running backs in the game, Frank Gore. If he stays healthy this team is making the playoffs easily, so easily in fact, I’m predicting they’ll have twice as many wins as any other NFC West opponent by the end of the season.
The Dolphins
You idiots looked terrible. You ruined my Monday night. I hate you. Okay, so I don’t usually hang the coach out to dry, and the offense was just ridiculous, but Tony Sporano is done. The game against the Jets was a disaster from a coaching standpoint. C’mon man your team doesn’t have a win yet and you decide to punt instead of going for a 52 yard field goal?! Oh, and with 10 seconds left in the half, ball on the 50 yard line, you decide to take a knee instead of going for a shot at the end zone?! I’d be furious if I was a Dolphins fan. Actually… I am furious anyways. Eat shit Sporano, you made the Jets look a lot better than they are.
The Giants/Bills game
Thanks guys. That was a neato super duper nifty game. Lots of running back awesomeness, rad interceptions and no spazzy coach shoulder-shove fights. I like these two teams. They’re complete, they’re coached well, their fans are loud and New Yorker-ish and most importantly, they’re exciting to watch. The Bills have cooled off a little bit but they’re still a playoff team, and they were playing a Giants team that shouldn’t be f’d with. As for the Jets… (wavy hand) meeeehhhhhh, play well against a tough team and then come talk to me or else ahhh fahgettaboudit.
Various Rants
Hey Redskins: Keep Losing ya filthy old jerks. You won’t see the playoffs.
Hey Cam Newton: Hang in there kid, you’ll be fine once you get traded.
Hey Dallas Cowboys: Uh oh. Two losses in a row. I can’t help but snicker.
Hey Raiders: You’re looking not shitty, same goes for your next two games (vs KC & DEN).
Hey Sean Peyton: Break a leg, coach! Ohhhh… too soon?!
Hey Green Bay: Go easy on Minnesota next week. This is gonna be bruuuutal.
Week 7 Preview
My Bucs play host to the Bears. In England. In front of people that don’t want or need the NFL in their lives but dammit if it isn’t getting crammed down their mouths anyway! This should be a rad game nonetheless because of the ground battle between Forte and Graham.
Atlanta takes on Detroit and this game will be rad to watch because it will mostly take place in the air. Megatron will do his thing this week after having a quiet week, quiet meaning he didn’t get two touchdowns. What a loser! Maybe he’ll get four this week to make up for it.
This week coming up is bizarre. Not one match-up features a winning team playing another winning team. This won’t be a good week for the loser teams as they come to terms with the fact that they are, in fact, losers.
– Jay Haddow
