Extra! Extra! Read all about it: DC Comics announced today that this summer will see the blockbuster release of a series of Watchmen prequels, under the banner of ‘Before Watchmen.’
While knee-jerk reactions about fucking with a classic will cause an internet fanboy apocalypse, the controversy/curiosity will result in much wanted attention and boatloads of money for an industry that doesn’t generate enough of either. For those that are offended by this project, the solution is simple: DON’T BUY IT. For those that feel this will sully the original: DON’T READ IT. I have a friend who every time he watches the movie Heat [SPOILER ALERT, THOUGH IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HEAT YET, ALLOW ME THIS OPPORTUNITY TO REQUEST THAT YOU EAT SOME SHIT] stops it before DeNiro gets killed, because he wants him to get away and has convinced himself that’s where the movie ends. Weird as fuck? Yes! Does it provide him with a more pleasant existence? Yes! Ignore this comic if you’re not feelin’ it. Let your money do the talking instead of your keyboard. DC doesn’t give a shit what mom basements the world over think about this.
On The One Hand: Godfather II. On The Other Hand: Phantom Menace…
Me? I may be setting myself up for disappointment, and maybe I’ll get fuckin’ Jar Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd and 'I'm a person and my name is Anakin!' and all that shit.» Or maybe I’ll get Pacino and De Niro, and flashbacks to young Vito Corleone’s revenge on Black Hand gangster Fanucci, and “I knew it was you, Fredo.”
Train wreck money grab or masterpiece sequel, either way? These books are gonna be some sexy motherfuckers! Just LOOK at the creative teams below…
BEFORE WATCHMEN
RORSCHACH (4 issues) – Writer: Brian Azzarello. Artist: Lee Bermejo
MINUTEMEN (6 issues) – Writer/Artist: Darwyn Cooke
COMEDIAN (6 issues) – Writer: Brian Azzarello. Artist: J.G. Jones
DR. MANHATTAN (4 issues) – Writer: J. Michael Straczynski. Artist: Adam Hughes
NITE OWL (4 issues) – Writer: J. Michael Straczynski. Artists: Andy and Joe Kubert
OZYMANDIAS (6 issues) – Writer: Len Wein. Artist: Jae Lee
SILK SPECTRE (4 issues) – Writer: Darwyn Cooke. Artist: Amanda Conner
Each week, a new issue will be released, and will feature a two-page back-up story called CURSE OF THE CRIMSON CORSAIR, written by original series editor Len Wein and with art by original series colorist John Higgins. There will also be a single issue, BEFORE WATCHMEN: EPILOGUE, featuring the work of various writers and artists, and a CRIMSON CORSAIR story by Wein and Higgins.
Darwyn Cooke! J.G. Jones! Jae Lee! Lee Bermejo! TWO motherfuckin’ Kuberts!!! Sheeee-it, son!! Even Micro-nuts himself, Ian, is bound to be down with Cooke, Amanda Conner and Adam Hughes on board!
I’m in, DC. Don’t fuck it up. EVERYBODY’S Watching…
– Nuv
Your name is YOU CAN’T FUCKING ACT AND SHOULDN’T EXIST AND ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN FRAN DRESCHER, ROSANNE BARR AND GILBERT GOTTFRIED’S VOICES COMBINED, JAKE! Do you realize, you little prick-face, that up until you pranced along, DARTH VADER WAS COOL?! Really, The Sixth Sense kid is out there, and we got this little douche-swab?! I blame your father. If he had just PULLED THE FUCK OUT and wiped off on the mattress…
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Heat totally should have ended when they out on the tarmac stalking each other. The camera should have panned up as shots went off…. and then the credits.
Yeah, that would’ve been rad
The original comic was gross to look at and boring to read. So this’ll be a guaranteed improvement no matter what. And to all the losers who already hate the prequels / things that are awesome / the fact that I slept with their moms (http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=poll&id=85&view=results), eat balls you nerds!
Also, I stop Heat before Val Kilmer gets killed because Kilmer is a dreamboat and it kills me when they kill Kilmer.