Father’s Day is coming! Unlike Ma, who weeps and holds her ovaries in with a shaky hand upon delivery of a handmade card and bouquet of weeds & yarn, your Pops is a savvier cat. With a slightly raised eyebrow, he’ll know if you did the run-out-of-time 7-11 scratch card tango. So, let’s not give him anything to lord over you. Cool? Here are some gift ideas that will make him proud to have shot you into existence.
Ties. Bow ties. Not just for professors. They are modern and vintage. Get Dad one or all of these Forage bow ties. And learn how to tie one too. That’s grown up sh-t.
Most Dads like a solid glass with some heft to it, filled with a splash of stiff sweet scotch. Don’t sully those swallows with ice. Avoid watered down son of a bitch sissy juice with whiskey stones. Little sandstone nuggets of awesome, they keep their sh-t tight in the freezer until you need them. (Pair with a bottle of The Balvenie. You’ll look like a f-cking genius.)
A Dad gotta eat on Father’s Day. Start the day off with a hot strong cup of coffee (you don’t need my help here – there are 4,000 coffee joints in this city) and a bag of Cartem’s bacon and bourbon doughnuts. Once he chomps in, he’ll be so mind blown that you could pop in a DVD of yourself talking and he wouldn’t know the difference. (They have tons of other flavours too – get a dozen and eat until you pass out together.)
For dinner, f-ck the usual. Once the Keg started not handing out complimentary bread, not even the hefty steak knives could have saved their rep. Support local food. Clever and delicious food. Try The Sardine Can, the new Spanish tapas joint on Powell Street. They’ve got small plates overflowing with tastes, smells and manly satisfaction.
On June 16, the day before Father’s day, the second annual V.I.C Fest takes place in beeyootiful Victoria BC. So, gently drug Pops and hog-tie him in the trunk for the sh-tty long ferry trip. For the big reveal, rip off the blindfold to start a full awesome day of music, food, beer, art and tons of bra-less Victoria hippy boobs!
When Dad inevitably ruins a perfectly good moment by bemoaning the fact that his generation’s music is better than yours, smile and agree with him. Then hand him these three albums (The Walkmen’s Heaven, Lee Fields’ Faithful Man & the Moonrise Kingdom soundtrack), lean in and whisper “I always loved you more than Mom.” DOUBLE CONFUSION.
A great book of photographs classes up any coffee table, even the one your Pops props his feet up on to watch the news that stores 6 remotes, jars of nuts and TV guides. Buy Pops the first volume of This Is East Van – a fine collection showcasing the (not so) little neighborhood that could – shot and conceived by proud residents of the East side. (Volume 2 is almost done – bonus Christmas gift, yeah?)
Girls can unabashedly get manicures, pedicures, waxes and other ridiculous spa treatments. Men are expected to be men – rugged, McQueen-esque, bathing with a sharp rock in a stream out back. Pampering is for pussies. So, chances are he’s never treated himself to a hot shave. Plop his ass into a barbers chair because, really, there is nothing girly about a straight razor (In Vancouver get your hot towel on at JD’s Barbershop or Bangtown Hair Saloon)
Dads like to read. That’s the #1 way they can artfully ignore us when we’re small. With a little help from Nuv (the coolest Dad around), here are some excellent comic choices to pick up for the old man. (Comics? Yeah. Their eyes are old – pictures help).
Graphic Novels: Batman, Vol. 1: The Court of Owls, Justice League Vol.1: Origin & Uncanny X-Force, Vol. 1: The Apocalypse Solution
Complete Series (both written by the bearded genius Jason Aaron): PunisherMAX & Scalped (wraps in August).
Individual issues: Before Watchmen, Saga & Manhattan Projects.
For li’l buddies to read with Pops: Superman Family Adventures & Darth Vader and Son.
And finally for sports Dads, this idea is pretty nutty. And expensive. But mostly awesome. A canvas mounted blow up of an old college football ticket.
I know, I know, there’s no way you’ll pull that last idea off in time. But there’s always next year. That’s the best part about Dads – they’re cockroaches, kicking around to always remind you they boned your Mom at least once. Happy Father’s Day!
