Miss Teen USSR

Let’s Do This, Long Weekend!

Posted June 29th, 2012 by Miss Teen USSR in Uncategorized

You know what smart motherf-ckers do? They book off the Friday before a long weekend. You are now reading the words of a smart motherf-cker.

A smart mofo who as of Saturday will have been married for five years. Nuv and I got married in Victoria in a hotel clustered around the inner harbour. After a long incredible day we sat in the hot tub on the private deck and… braided each other’s hair until 3 am. Yes. Startled awake the next morning we realized when you get married the day before Canada Day, your alarm clock is a really earnest cover band belting out Tom Cochrane songs across the water at 8am. So, eff Canada and all it’s highways pretty much. I only like Canada Day for the fireworks. The ones that are so big it looks like they are going to come down and burn your forehead off. So, there’s your warning. I’m not steering you towards any particularly patriotic plans. Let’s just have fun without any red and white face paint.

01 MegaCanada

The only thing you need to be doing Friday night is eating pie and watching Anami Vice’s new video for Til’ I’m Famous on repeat. It’s really great and not just because Nuv’s scandalously good beard is in quite a few shots.

If you’re up at a reasonable time Saturday morning (snort), go check out the West End Farmer’s Market, just one of the things I dearly miss from our old hood. When I was pregnant I would hoof it in a wide stance up the hill to get there, and control my breathing when I passed by people so they would think I was ok and not two steps short of hyperventilating and falling off the sidewalk into some skunk nest. There will be berries there. It is worth jostling with the dogs and the kids and the nerds with their reusable shopping bags.

02 WEFM

Saturday afternoon we’re going to check out the Hotel Georgia’s “secret” pool hangout. I’ll be the one staring at the pretty people and accidentally spilling something. Nuv will be the one with the samurai ponytail. Aka GREATEST COUPLE EVER

03 Hotel Georgia Rooftop Patio

Saturday night you could go see a movie (Moonrise Kingdom if you’re a huge idiot like me and haven’t seen it yet, or Safety Not Guaranteed if you miss The League as much as we do) OR find a way to see Aziz Ansari with us. Have we watched a single episode of Parks & Recreation this season? No. (We have a kid that likes to watch a slideshow of herself on repeat. This cuts into our viewing time.) Does that matter? Not at all. The dude is funny as hell and is one of a handful of brown guys that keep Nuv from not totally hating his kind. (See also Abed & Das Racist.)

04 Aziz Ansari Buried Alive

Sunday 11ish you should make pancakes. Or waffles and put crunchy caramelized bacon in the batter. Or pile the berries you picked up at the farmers market on top of a cloud of whipped cream and eat it all with a huge spoon. Don’t get out of your pajamas. Invite friends over and make drinks. This Peach Collins is sounding like my liquid soul mate. Make marshmallow cookies. Watch Boyz N the Hood and quote it forever. Sit on a porch or patio and discuss who would take who on Amazing Race. (Fun fact: Nobody would ever take me.) Find the fireworks. Find a roof near the fireworks. Parkour your ass up there.

"I gotta get drunk before my day begins / Before my mother starts bitchin' about my friends"

Monday it’s a slow slog into consciousness. Drink something hot and then make a smoothie and crank the knob to cold right before you jump out of the shower and you are golden. Set up a badminton net and whip a birdie back and forth. If it’s raining, go to an Asian dollar store and freak out and buy things you will never need or use ever. Pop into The Keefer Bar to see who’s winning the Bartender of the Year Tournament. Raise a glass. Eat in some Chinatown hole in the wall that’s open on a holiday and eat well. You need a gut full of carbs to sustain the mass quantities of beer you will be drinking at the El-P show at Fortune Sound Club.

05 ElPFortuneFlyer

(EFFWHYEYE - Timbre is putting on a helluva lineup this summer. Don’t be a dummy – buy your tickets now for King Khan & BBQ Show, Yelawolf & Lee Fields & the Expressions. Use your Pops’ bail money and get set. He never loved you anyways.)

Timbre Concerts Frequent Flyers

Then go back to your job on Tuesday morning and the weather will probably be awesome because Vancouver’s weather right now is a f-cking dick. But there’s only like a month until the next long weekend so don’t be bummy about life. Ok?

wildthings

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