Best Supporting Actor – Christian Bale: I don’t care if he’s a dick in real life, he’s good at his job and The Fighter was a great example of this. Yeah, I liked Renner and Garfield, but Bale was riveting.

Best Actress (Series, Drama) – Katey Sagal: I don’t watch Sons of Anarchy. Maybe I should, but it just straight up doesn’t appeal to me. Piper Perabo seems like an odd choice for a nomination, and I don’t really know about the other two, but every episode I’ve seen of Mad Men has been fantastic, so I generally fall back on it as my default choice when I’m uninformed about the others. (And anyone that was in Get Him To The Greek gets a thumbs up in my books).

Best Miniseries or Motion Picture made for TV – Carlos: I only saw The Pacific, but I’m kind of glad that the Hanks/Spielberg war machine isn’t automatically everyone’s number one. Maybe they’ll move on to different subject matter now. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed The Pacific, but I could use a WW2 break.

Best Supporting Actor (Series, Miniseries, Motion Picture made for TV) – Chris Colfer: I’ve been a fan of Glee since the beginning, but I have to admit that I’ve been lazy in keeping up with it. The Glee marketing campaign has just been a bit aggressive for me. Modern Family, on the other hand, is one of my favorite comedies out there and I never miss an episode. Cam rules and I think they picked the wrong gay character to teach Scott Caan that he’s not quite respectable yet.

Best Actor (Series, Drama) – Steve Buscemi: Boardwalk Empire is fantastic. If Scorsese and HBO want to make a TV show, you hustle your ass off to sign up, because you’re going to get nominated and deserve it. Not that anyone else in this category didn’t deserve it, but Boardwalk Empire is truly entertaining and wonderfully done.

Best TV Series (Drama) – Boardwalk Empire: See above.

Best Original Song (Motion Picture) – You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me: I didn’t see Burlesque and I’ve never heard this song. I hope I never do. I don’t think I could really care less about this category this year. Despite my love for music, no song really stood out this year.

Best Original Score (Motion Picture) – Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross: Remember when I said I love music? This is exactly why. Social Network was incredible on its own. The score took something incredible and made it untouchable. This score was truly one of the greatest things to happen this year in entertainment.

Best Animated Feature Film – Toy Story 3: I saw all of the nominees except for The Illusionist. I think The Illusionist probably should have won. None of the other four were really “best” at anything. Toy Story 3 was the best Toy Story movie yet, but I’m kind of done with that series.

Best Actress (Motion Picture, Comedy) – Annette Bening: I’m not really sure how they define “comedy” but, sure. Ok. My personal preference was Julianne Moore, but they were both great. Mark Ruffalo got way overlooked in this movie, but they all deserve recognition.

Best Actor (Miniseries or Motion Picture made for TV – Al Pacino: I only saw one of the nominations and I never thought I’d actually root “against” Pacino, but Elba was absolutely amazing in Luther and I was really really hoping he’d come out on top.

Best Actress (Miniseries or Motion Picture made for TV) – Claire Danes: Didn’t see any of them, and I don’t know when I will. Good for her, I guess.

Best Screenplay (Motion Picture) – The Social Network: I’m not going to complain about any award that this movie wins. It was one of my favorites and Sorkin is always one of the best.

Best Supporting Actress (Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture made for TV) – Jane Lynch: If this had been for her role in Party Down, I would be all over it. My aforementioned Glee-fatigue combined with my love for Modern Family leads me to the same conclusion as in their last face-off. Julia Stiles did have the best role of her career (in my opinion), though.

Best Foreign Language Film – In a Better World: I’m not cool enough to have actually seen any of these yet. I have to admit that I’ve been most excited for Biutiful, but I don’t really know what I’m talking about in this one.

Best Actress (TV Series, Comedy or Musical) – Laura Linney: My default vote is always Tina Fey, and I didn’t really see or care about the other performances.

Best Actor (TV Series, Comedy or Musical) – Jim Parsons: My standing distaste for The Big Bang Theory probably excludes me from voicing my opinion on this one. Any of the other nominees would have been better, in my mind.

Best Supporting Actress (Motion Picture) – Melissa Leo: The Fighter was awesome and as much as I hated her character, Leo was perfect. It would have been nice to see Kunis win, but I’m probably just saying that because I loved Black Swan so much.

Cecil B. DeMille Award – Robert DeNiro: Usually these lifetime achievement awards bore me. DeNiro might be getting a little bitter and crazy in his old age. You know you’re an epic icon when your jokes kind of sound insulting, but nobody says anything about it because they know you’re better than they are. Also, DeNiro needs to teach Pacino how to age gracefully.

Best Director (Motion Picture) – David Fincher: The four movies I saw in this category were four of my favorites of the year (where the hell is True Grit!?). Again, I’m just happy to see Social Network win as much as it can.

Best TV Series (Comedy or Musical) – Glee: See every other Glee win so far. Should have been Modern Family.

Best Actor (Motion Picture, Comedy) – Paul Giamatti: Sure. I only saw Jake’s move (and I’m not about to say that he deserved to win), so I can believe that Giamatti was awesome. That would be about par for him.

Best Actress (Motion Picture, Drama) – Natalie Portman: As much as I loved Winter’s Bone, I can’t argue with Portman for Black Swan. It was unlike anything I’d seen this year, enough so that I saw it again. Portman was her character, and I couldn’t possibly imagine anyone else winning this one.

Best Motion Picture (Comedy or Musical) – The Kids Are All Right: I’m still baffled as to the definition of “comedy,” but especially given how much I disliked Red, Kids is a great choice for “best” of something.

Best Actor (Motion Picture, Drama) – Colin Firth: Firth would have been my last choice for this one. I’m sure he was great, but I have just not been inspired to see The King’s Speech. I’m sure it’s beautiful and lovely and touching and magical, but I go to movies to be entertained and Speech didn’t make me want to run out to a theater. Eisenberg and Franco would have been my go-to guys, with a huge thumbs up for the underdog, Wahlberg, if it had gone his way.

Best Motion Picture (Drama) – The Social Network: While I was a huge fan of all four films that I managed to see from this category, I loved them all for very specific achievements. Black Swan was gripping and beautifully acted and directed. The Fighter stirred a passion in me that had me excited and rooting for the characters, as it was expertly crafted with strong performances. Inception was quite simply one of the most entertaining movies I’ve ever seen. It was cool from top to bottom; start to finish. The Social Network was something more though. It was the best movie all-around that I can remember seeing in recent years. Not only was every single person involved in it absolutely perfect at their job, but it managed to be socially relevant, ridiculously entertaining and somehow timeless. Not many movies can ever achieve that.

Ok, so maybe I cared a little more than I thought I would, but I have to try and maintain some animosity so that I don’t get upset like I did last year with Moon. If True Grit continues to get ignored, I might swear off award shows for good after the Oscars.

– Pig

Music:

I’m not a country or pop fan, so be warned that my music list is biased. I really don’t care about Taylor Swift or any of the 10-year-old phenoms that get 15 minutes of fame on Ellen, and then perform at award shows and win the hearts of housewives across the land. I want something that I can blast and can’t help but move my head or fist to.

The Walkmen – Lisbon
Overlooked and underappreciated for years, The Walkmen continue to put out amazing album after amazing album. If I had to pick an album of the year, this might be it.

Arcade Fire – The Suburbs
After years of only listening to a couple of songs of each album, I finally admit defeat. I’m officially on the bandwagon. This album rules.

Ghostface Killah – Apollo Kids
Note to young up-and-coming rappers: gritty beats that sound like they’re from the 70’s are infinitely cooler than something that is lost between a drum machine and a techno beat. Ghostface absolutely destroys on this album. I only wish Doom showed up on it, as they are an amazing team.

Black Keys – Brothers
Put this album in, set your iPod or whatever to repeat and put it down. That’s all you need to do. I could have this album play on repeat all day, every day and feel completely satisfied.

The Rest: Bonobo – Black Sands (Bonobo can do no wrong and this is his best album yet), Broken Bells (I called it last year and I was right), Cee Lo Green – The Lady Killer (if Fuck You doesn’t get stuck in your head whenever you hear it, go listen to country – and yes it’s “Fuck You” not “Forget You”), Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (Kanye finally woke up and realized that autotune sucks, better late than never), Dead Weather – Sea of Cowards (Jack White can do no wrong), Spoon – Transference (again, one of my favourite bands releasing one of their strongest albums), Get Busy Committee – Uzi Does It, Ratatat – LP4 (watch the music videos for Drugs and Neckbrace and enjoy), Scott Pilgrim vs The World – Soundtrack (it was a kick-ass soundtrack before I knew that Beck did covers on it -then it became incredible), Social Network – Soundtrack (Hell yeah Trent and Atticus – as good as the movie was, this soundtrack made it better), Wick-It The Instigator – The Brothers of Chico Dusty (I admit that I never got around to listening to Big Boi’s album, but after hearing it mashed up with The Black Keys, I don’t know if I’ll ever bother listening to the original. This one is too good).

Special Award For Outstanding Achievement And Organization: Misfits – Soundtrack. So, you already know that I love the show Misfits. Did you also know that every episode is chock full of songs that you either forgot about or never heard of, but instantly want to run out and put on a playlist? Save yourself the trouble of Shazam-ing or Soundhound-ing every scene by checking out the link that precedes this paragraph. The glorious people at the BBC know what’s going on and have provided an official website that lists every single song in the order it was aired in an episode, complete with a brief scene description to remind you of what song it was. Seriously!? Why doesn’t every TV show do this? It makes an already incredible show that much better.

Books:

Normally I read like a madman, but this year I found myself reading less than I’d like. For that reason, this list isn’t really fair to the industry, but there is one series that I really need to champion.

Joe R. Lansdale’s Hap & Leonard Series – This year saw the release of a new book, Vanilla Ride, and the re-release of the entire Hap & Leonard series. Lansdale’s action/adventure/mystery/bad-ass novels about two friends in Southern Texas are the most gripping, visceral, tough-as-nails tales you could ever read. Start from the beginning and read fast, because this coming March another chapter is coming and it’s sure to be as intense as the others. Be warned: once you read one of them, you’ll curse the heavens and ask yourself why no one has thought to make any of them into a movie, or better yet, an HBO series. They are full of everything a red-blooded male wants: tough-ass dudes, murder, suspense, martial arts, guns, rednecks, double-crossing, midgets and sex. There’s nothing better.

Honorable Mention For Best Gift I Gave To A Friend: 3DD: A 3D Celebration of Breasts. The name pretty much says it all. Tastefully photographed breasts presented in a coffee table book complete with it’s own pair of 3D glasses. It may not sound appealing, but I have yet to see someone not totally enthralled by it.

Games:

I wouldn’t be stepping on every R2AK contributor’s toes without dabbling in a little game wrap-up as well. So here are my few highlights of the gaming world.

The Kinect (Xbox 360) – If you thought the Wii was a great party system, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Technical reviews aside, The Kinect is some serious fun. The technology is a little creepy, but using your entire body as a controller is pretty freakin’ crazy and allows for some seriously hilarious times when you’re playing with a bunch of friends. Warning: playing for more than 10 minutes will induce sweating. This is perfectly normal and is a direct result of physical exertion. Most hardcore gamers will object to this, but most girls I know are more inclined to jump around and dance like a fool, than sit and quietly listen to you telling them how powerful your Level 32 Mage is.

The Rest: For the iPad – Osmos (seriously cool puzzle game) and World of Goo (loved it on my computer, love it even more now). For the Xbox 360 – Red Dead Redemption (probably the best game of the year, if only because you can ride around in the old west on a unicorn while shooting zombies) and Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood (next best thing to actually going to Rome). For the PS3 – Mafia 2 (worth it for the incredible 40’s and 50’s soundtrack), Gran Turismo 5 (realistic cars + horrible music = prettiest game that I never play), DJ Hero 2 (“2 turntables and a microphone” option. Nuff said).

I’m sure I missed a hundred things that should have been mentioned, but despite appearances, I actually tried to have a life in between watching, playing, listening and reading all of the above titles. I’m looking forward to taking a breather for a week and then starting all over in preparing for another year of indulgence with 2011, though.

– Pig

Movies:

I don’t know if there were less independent movies, crappy independent movies, or if I was just too lazy to hunt them down, but my list for this year reads basically like a recap of everything you’ve already heard a million things about if you ever leave your house. (Maybe that’s why I chose to include formats other than just movies?)

Social Network – I can’t push this movie enough. It was huge and it deserved to be.

Inception – If you didn’t love this, why bother seeing movies?

The American – Sure it may be slower than you might expect, but it’s also way way cooler and more beautiful than I expected any movie to be. Clooney + a bunch of Italians I’ve never heard of = magic.

True Grit – Jeff Bridges rules! Oh yeah, and Barry Pepper proves that no matter how mangled your mouth is, sheep-skin chaps can make you the coolest mutha out there.

Black Swan – Wow. Just wow. I don’t know where to begin. Just see it.

The Rest: Tangled, The Kids Are All Right, Gulliver’s Travels (yeah the movie isn’t great, but Chris O’Dowd is ridiculously funny every second that he’s on screen), Greenberg, Easy A (Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson steal the show as the greatest movie parents ever), Love and Other Drugs (exactly what you expect, but with an impressive amount of nudity), The Fighter, The Town, Ghost Writer, Shutter Island, The Killer Inside Me (a hard to watch, but great performance by Casey Affleck), Piranha 3D, Scott Pilgrim vs The World, The Other Guys, Kick-Ass, Toy Story 3, Solitary Man, and Iron Man 2.

Last Minute Addition: Winter’s Bone – Jennifer Lawrence carries this movie fabulously, but long-time favourite John Hawkes is absolutely incredible as her uncle Teardrop. This movie has one of the most incredibly filmed, understated, creepy, sticks-with-you-for-a-while boat scenes since the famous Corleone family fishing trip.

TV:

Ok. I’m going to break my rule here. I’m going to pick a favourite this time, ’cause one show blew me away episode after episode. (The rest are in no order.)

Misfits – I won’t make you wait. This is it. The best show on TV that I just warmed you up for. Dollars to donuts you haven’t seen it yet. Seriously, if HBO remade Heroes but changed it to be gritty, funny, unpredictable, realistic and about a bunch of kids doing community service, Misfits would be the result. Only it wouldn’t, because the BBC has a knack for casting people you’ve never seen and capturing a cavalier approach that makes everything seem a little more real than the super staged American counterparts. I can’t pump this show enough. The second season was only seven episodes long, but they were the best seven hours on TV this year, hands down. Make it a New Year’s resolution or whatever, but don’t be the loser that doesn’t get on it until Season 5.

The Rest: Damages, Justified, The Pacific, Boardwalk Empire, Bored to Death, Eastbound & Down, Luther, Parenthood, Modern Family (every single cast member is pure gold), Parks and Recreation (most improved show over its previous season), 30 Rock, Community (deadly funny, week after week, and the claymation episode shows just how committed they are to being original and funny at the same time), Dexter (this show never stops impressing me and Julia Stiles was awesome), Archer (funniest cartoon you’ll find), The Venture Brothers (second funniest cartoon you’ll find), An Idiot Abroad, Sherlock (BBC + Paul McGuigan = incredible!), ESPN’s 30 for 30 (I’ve only seen the ones about Iverson, Ricky Williams and Jimmy the Greek, but if the other 27 are this good, then I’m in for a long journey), The Walking Dead, BBC Life (UK Version only, screw Oprah), House, Mad Men, True Blood (officially just a soap opera now), Hung, Detroit 1-8-7, Raising Hope, Fringe and Louie (Louis C.K. is, in my opinion, the funniest stand-up out there, and he finally has a show that demonstrates his comedic prowess).

Cancelled Favourites: Terriers, Rubicon and Lone Star were all high up on my list, and all three got cancelled in or after their debut seasons. After seeing some of the crap that gets renewed, this really pisses me off. Terriers and Rubicon were both given full first seasons that were brilliant in their own rights, but were apparently too smart for the diabetes generation that sits in front of the TV all day every day. Lone Star only aired a couple of episodes, but it was enough to get me hooked and shaking my fist when I heard that it was cancelled. I guess space needed to be cleared for more garbage reality shows that don’t need to worry about being smarter than the food you’re choking on while drooling at the set. Party Down made it through a second season, but had its life cut tragically short after two brilliantly funny seasons. Track them down if you can, you won’t be disappointed.

Whew! That’s it for Part One. Tune in tomorrow for Part Two, which will cover Music, Books and Games! I’m sticking my nose in everyone’s genre. (Except Comics and Sports, but who cares about that crap anyways?)

– Pig

Fun Games For The Whole Family:

If you’re a puzzle nut, get the whole family together (especially Mother) and put together your very own model of the Bates Mansion from Psycho. If you don’t have the patience for models and board games are more up your alley, then sit grandma down and make her play a quick round of the Dexter Board Game. If serial killers aren’t your idea of holiday icons then you might be better off with the Godfather game instead. To be honest it doesn’t look licensed so there doesn’t appear to actually be any relation between the game and the movie, but the box will look cool on someone’s shelf.

For The Little Ones:

It’s always tough to find that gift that’s cool, but soft and harmless if repeatedly smashed against siblings. What’s softer and safer than a crochet play-set? If you were thinking a crochet play-set recreating the infamous scene from The Exorcist complete with crochet vomit, then you’re bang-on! If they’re old enough to play with something a little more interactive, and if they’re as excited about the new Tron movie as I am, then get a couple remote control Tron Light Bikes and scare the crap out of the house-hold cat.

Stocking Stuffers:

OK so maybe a gun isn’t exactly a stocking stuffer, but if it’s the Golden Gun of James Bond fame, it’s pretty freakin’ cool. For all other things stocking related, just spend some time over at thinkgeek.com. Seriously, you can find chopsticks that look like light-sabers (or samurai swords), pizza cutters that look like the Starship Enterprise and light-up t-shirts recreating the battle between Luke and his father (sorry for the spoiler). That’s literally only the tip of the iceberg, there’s some seriously nerdy stuff over there.  If you really want to treat a nerd this year though, you can’t do much better than a 500GB hard drive disguised as a DeLorean straight from Back To The Future.

Sittin’ Round The Fire:

Some of the best holiday memories come from sitting around the living room with friends and family, enjoying company, stories and a few drinks. This year do it in style! What better chair to sit in, than that of Captain James T. Kirk. For a conversation-piece, you can also spend some serious coin on a limited edition Taschen Taxi Driver coffee-table book with some amazing photos. Complete the affair by sipping on some of Coppola’s very own wine, but be sure to protect your coffee table with some authentic Dexter blood-slide coasters (and yes, they come in wood box to store the slides, just like Dexter does).

The Mother Of All Gifts:

Why not save up for one huge gift that will make everyone happy? The catch: you’ll have to move to Staten Island. For a mere $2.9 million, you can buy the actual mansion used in The Godfather. I know what I’m asking for this Christmas.

– Piggy

The Walking Dead (2010) – This Halloween, AMC spewed a mouthful of holy water at the Vampire community and delivered one of the most amazing Zombie features ever, and it was on TV?! AMC has proven over and over with Mad Men, Breaking Bad and Rubicon that they can deliver unbelievably quality programming without having to rely on nudity or swearing. Instead AMC has focused on telling unique stories without selling out characters or mood by adhering to deliberate pacing and commitment to tell each story in the best way it could be told. With the Frank Darabont-produced The Walking Dead, they have done it yet again and given Zombies the attention they deserve. I’ve never read the graphic novel that the show is based on, but the Darabont-directed first episode was better than most movies. The effects on the Zombies are absolutely incredible and must demand a budget far greater than what is normally allocated to television; the story and characters are sympathetic, interesting and acted to perfection; and the gore is the perfect amount of “oh wow, I can’t believe they showed that on TV” without being “enough is enough guys, I don’t need to see that”.

I’ve only seen the lead actor, Andrew Lincoln, in 2000s Gangster No. 1, but he is absolutely perfect as the Deputy waking up from a coma to find his wife and child missing in a world overrun with the undead. The first episode also featured Lennie James, who was fantastic in the underappreciated Jericho, and I can only hope that his character returns for more episodes as his plight was equally as riveting as Lincoln’s.

I know that this column is usually film based, but the 90-minute first episode of The Walking Dead is seriously about as good it gets. That being said, it inspired me to look back at some of my favorite Zombie movies over the last couple decades, and they are as follows.

Evil Dead 2 (1987) – Part sequel, part reboot, Evil Dead 2 shot Bruce Campbell to B-movie stardom as Sam Raimi made his mark instilling terror using just a camera moving fast through the woods. As campy and horror filled as this movie was, it was equally as funny. I don’t really know how to describe it, but if you’ve seen it, you probably love it; and if you haven’t seen it, you really need to. Sure Army of Darkness was more successful, but nothing beats watching Campbell fight with his own hand. Many have tried to duplicate this seamless blend of humor and horror, but nothing holds a candle to this movie.

Dead Alive (1992) – Long before his obsession with Hobbits, Peter Jackson disgusted the world with one of the goriest living-dead movies I can remember. Sure you can go watch a Hostel movie or a Saw movie and get more gore than you could ever want, but something about the low budget ooze-fest featuring a Zombie-killing priest that “Kicks ass for the Lord!” just elevates it to a level that modern Gorrors could never understand. Infected by a Sumatran Rat-Monkey, the guests and hijinks at the famous dinner scene will stick with you forever. If anything was ever going to give Evil Dead 2 a run for its money, this was it.

28 Days Later (2002) & 28 Weeks Later (2007) – In 2002 Danny Boyle and Alex Garland did two incredible things. They introduced us to Cillian Murphy, and they added one small but terrifying feature to the Zombies we had grown accustomed to. They made Zombies fast. Take all of those movies where you have a hundred Zombies groaning, moaning and slowly marching towards their victims. Now imagine if all of the Zombies were Usain Bolt. Which is more terrifying?

Five years later, a sequel came out with one weird twist: different director, different writer, none of the original cast, but it was still super entertaining. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo (who was responsible for one of my favorite Spanish-language films, Intacto) took over the job of bringing the British, Olympic-sprinter undead to the screen with the help of Robert Carlyle (in one of the most incredible opening scenes ever) Rose Byrne and Jeremy Renner. Entirely different from the original, this one is definitely worth watching, especially the scene shown through a rifle’s night-vision scope.

Dawn of The Dead (2004) – Way before 300, Watchmen and the upcoming Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder injected new life into North America’s Zombie movies with his remake of the George A. Romero classic. Danny Boyle showed us how Zombies can be worse when they’re fast, but Snyder added new terror by showing them in the daylight, by the hundreds. Never before has a mall felt so claustrophobic as when it’s surrounded and filled with Zombies. The black humor and relentless bloodshed in this remake, cements it as one of my favorite Zombie movies of all time. While there were great performances by Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, and Mekhi Phifer, each one of them had scenes stolen by the hilarious Ty Burrell making an appearance 6 years before landing a starring role in Modern Family. If you like him on TV, you’ve got to see him fighting Zombies.

Shaun of The Dead (2004) – I only threw this in to prove why I’m justified in hating it. Watch all of the above and then watch Shaun of The Dead. Then try telling me that it’s even watchable. It isn’t. Then go watch last year’s Zombieland (and read my write-up) to see how Zombie comedies are done.

While Halloween may be over, AMC’s Walking Dead is just starting and I’m looking forward to some quiet Sunday nights, just chilling at home with some Zombies.

– Pig

[Editor's Note: Click here to read Image Comics' The Walking Dead #1, in full, for free!]

That one theatrical journey happened to be the recent comic book adaptation, Red. Having not seen any of Robert Schwentke’s previous directorial features (other than the also mediocre Flightplan (2005)), I didn’t have any grand expectations of fantastic special effects, breathtaking action or riveting story. Lack of expectation is probably one of the few things that made Red watchable. It’s not that Red was a horrible movie by any standards, but I’m getting tired of people just going through the motions and calling it a movie. Movie and film have always been considered an art form, and no one is impressed when art is paint-by-numbers.

First, the story: Some people want to kill some people, so they have to run around and survive while figuring out the “who” and the “why”. Let’s throw in a conspiracy that isn’t very interesting or surprising, and an entirely unconvincing romance. Sounds like a million other cookie-cutter flics. But wait! Here’s the part that makes it unique, special and worth your $15 at the theater… are you ready? All of the main characters are… wait for it… wait… they’re… old. Yup. That’s the big draw. They’re old. And even that’s a stretch. Morgan Freeman is supposed to be 80 in it. At 73, Freeman hardly looks or acts like a man in his 80s, but the fact that he’s 80 means that we’re supposed to be in awe that he and his buddies are still walking without assistance; the rest of the crew range in age between 55 and 65, barely old enough to be considered retirees in normal jobs. I don’t know anyone that’s seen a recent Bruce Willis movie and wondered where his walker or respirator is. Hollywood stars, by definition, try to stay young looking forever. Helen Mirren is the second oldest, and she’s still seen as an example of how women can stay sexy regardless of their age. What’s worse is that this movie is billed as an action-comedy. Every single “joke” is based on their age. Not a single joke is funny on it’s own, and the sprinkling of them throughout the 111 min journey only makes the attempts at being funny, more boring.

None of this is surprising once you look further and discover that the Hoeber brothers responsible for writing the screenplay, recently bored audiences straight to video with their last comic book adaptation, Whiteout. To be fair, Whiteout was at least remotely interesting, but only because Dominic Sena is a marginally better director than Red’s Schwentke.

Despite all of my contempt for what went on behind the scenes, I do have to admit that I sat through the whole thing and didn’t hate it (I just disliked it). The primary reason for my tolerance was the cast. The main crew consisted of the aforementioned Willis, Freeman and Mirren with Mary-Louise Parker and John Malkovich filling out the ranks. All five were extremely watchable, but if you’ve seen any of their movies in the last 20-30 years, you already know that. The one thing that Schwentke got right was the cast. If you’ve got a story full of boring stereotypes, the most you can ask for is the best character actors out there to play them. With Willis as the tough guy lead, Freeman as the sage friend-to-all, and Malkovich as the one with the screw loose – casting mission accomplished. Mary-Lousie Parker has always been charismatic and her turn as the “innocent love interest, in way over her head” she was just as charismatic as ever, but with a hint of under-used and boring just to remind you that the movie isn’t near what it could be. Helen Mirren is the one anomaly. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to seeing her in an action role, or maybe it’s because she’s one of those actresses that never lets you down, but I actually have no complaints about her role. She did the best she could, in a movie that felt like it didn’t really care to try and be anything.

I always like seeing Karl Urban in movies but like so many others in this film, he was restricted by boring writing and was truly wasted. After his incredible Dr. McCoy in Star Trek, I really hoped that his follow-up would put him on the map in a big way. Red will not do this for his career. Similarly, all of the secondary characters that I would normally look forward to seeing were all under-used and poorly written – Richard Dreyfuss, Rebecca Pidgeon (in a role not involving David Mamet’s pen?), Brian Cox, James Remar and Ernest Borgnine.

Maybe I’m being a bit harsh on the Schwentke and the Hoeber brothers; I never read the graphic novel that Red was adapted from. Maybe it was boring and poorly written too, but I don’t think that’s a valid excuse. If you’re going to make something into a movie, you should make it into something that you want your name attached to. You should make it your own. I can’t help but think that the source material isn’t the problem. I think that like so many other comic adaptations these days, the director and screenwriters approached it with a “hey, the comic book is basically a storyboard, so all we have to do is get the right actors, set up a camera and count the cash!” That approach has spawned garbage like Batman Forever, Elektra, Wolverine, Hellboy and the The Losers (more “forgettable” than “garbage”, but not really worth seeing). While the cast prevented me from hating it completely, I’m afraid that Red will have to reside in the “comic movies that failed” category. I wouldn’t recommend spending more than the cost of a rental to see it.

I know I probably just pissed off a bunch of fan-boys (and girls) by dubbing Hellboy and Wolverine “garbage”, but they were. Just cause you love the comic, doesn’t mean you have to love the movie. I mean they both had a series of scenes that involved slicing, dicing and/or shooting without a drop of blood!? Give me a break.

With directors like Christopher Nolan proving that comic books can be turned into film and still stand as art, there’s no room for people to phone it in. Note to Hollywood – If you can’t find the right director, don’t ruin something people love by making it anyways. That just pisses people off. For the record, with the recent announcement of Darren Aronofsky helming the next Wolverine, I’m actually willing to forget how much I hated the first one because I’m happy that after 3 X-Men movies and one solo one, someone might actually get it right this time.

- Pig

The Town – Ever since Good Will Hunting, audiences watched with grave disappointment as Ben Affleck made crap movie after crap movie. Sure there were a few exceptions in the mix, but for the most part Matt Damon went on to a successful career while Ben seemed to be taking anything with total disregard for quality. Then in 2007, we were treated to Gone Baby Gone and there was the answer: Ben Affleck needs to be off camera if he’s going to have his name attached to a project worth watching. Here, in The Town, he takes it one step further and shows that as long as he’s writing/directing he can also act. I was worried that the trailers gave away too much, and that a decent movie might have been ruined by all the hype, but I’m extremely happy to say that it wasn’t. Regardless of what you know about the story, it’s extremely entertaining from start to finish. There have been a lot of comparisons drawn between The Town and some other heavy hitters over the last decade, but be warned: The Town isn’t the best at what it does. It’s good, but it’s far from original so don’t go in expecting anything more than a bunch of actors doing their jobs well to deliver entertainment. No one drops the ball, and a few are even great (like Jeremy Renner and Rebecca Hall) but for the most part it’s just a heist movie. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good heist movie and I really liked it, but I think any award buzz is a bit premature and may be founded on people’s desire to want to see Ben do well. The supporting cast is really what made the movie so watchable for me. Smaller parts that could have been wasted on lesser actors, instead were played out by some of my favourites: Jon Hamm, Pete Postlethwaite and Chris Cooper. I hope Affleck has learned his lesson and sticks to only acting in things he would have written or directed because while The Town wasn’t the best movie of the year, it was certainly one of the best of his career.

Solitary Man – Ok. This one’s a little out of date. I meant to write about the Wall Street sequel, but I haven’t had the chance to watch it yet. A couple of weeks ago, in anticipation for The Social Network and Wall Street 2 Electric Boogaloo, I decided to watch the Jesse Eisenberg/Michael Douglas pairing in Solitary Man because I missed it in the summer and thought it would make a good transition piece for the new releases. In all honesty, seeing Solitary Man is what helped keep me away from the Wall Street sequel. Solitary Man stars Michael Douglas as a rich and powerful man who loses his money, his friends and his family due to hubris. Sounds a lot like Wall Street, right (Susan Sarandon’s even in both)? The problem: Solitary Man was amazing! There is no way that I would enjoy Wall Street 2 if I watched it right after this, and I’m a huge Gordon Gecko fan! As much as I enjoy Josh Brolin and Eli Wallach (who are both in WS2), Shia LaBeouf is no match for Solitary Man’s fantastic cast consisting of the aforementioned Sarandon, Danny DeVito, Mary-Louise Parker, Jenna Fischer, Imogen Poots, Richard Schiff and the always-awesome Jesse Eisenberg. There is a sad and tragic aspect to Solitary Man but more importantly there is a huge dose of humour and humanity (2 things I can’t picture Oliver Stone nailing quite right). Solitary Man focuses on Douglas’s relationships and interactions with those around him and each one-on-one interaction is beautifully tailored to the actors/characters involved. Douglas and Eisenberg’s relationship reminded me of one of my favourite Eisenberg films, Roger Dodger and maybe that’s why I felt so strongly about this film, but it’s truly one of those gems that I think was overlooked or forgotten by too many. I’ve loved DeVito in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia for the last few years, and I had kind of forgotten that he’s not a creepy weird lowlife all of the time. His turn in Solitary Man reminded me that way back when, he was Martini in Cuckoo’s Nest. If you’re on your way out to Wall Street and you’re having second thoughts, stay at home, rent Solitary Man and, like me, you may not want to bother seeing Wall Street at all.

The Social Network – Never before, in my life, has so much hype preceded a cinematic release. I actually looked and looked, trying to find a negative review of this film. That review doesn’t exist yet. Heads up: you won’t find it here either. Let me start off with the worst part of the movie: the end. It isn’t that the movie has a bad ending; it’s the fact that it ends at all that is so disappointing. It is a full two hours of pure dialogue. Credit is due to Mr. Sorkin, as those two hours of dialogue are the most fast-paced, gripping and entertaining two hours of dialogue I’ve ever watched. I won’t be super shocked if The Social Network fails to earn individual accolades, but I will be shattered if it doesn’t win awards for best picture. It’s not that the individuals don’t perform, every single one does. It’s that the movie becomes so much more than any individual; it truly is the sum of its parts. To begin with, the powerhouse combination of Fincher behind the camera, Sorkin behind the pen, and Reznor behind the music are capable of making absolutely anything riveting and emotional. Throw in an incredible cast that actually feels hand-picked for the roles and then make the movie about a topic that is so socially relevant that if its subject matter isn’t already something you’re obsessed with, you know at least 20 people that are.

Facebook isn’t a tool anymore, it’s a way of living that has been embraced by different generations all across the globe. The internet changed the way we share information and Facebook changed the way we interact with each other through this inescapable medium. I don’t know if it is humanly possible to better capture this modern obsession with more grace and finesse than The Social Network.

Jesse Eisenberg has long been a favourite of mine, and he was born to play this role. Like Mamet and Ricky Jay, it feels like Eisenberg has always been meant to speak Sorkin’s words. His delivery seems to me to be what Sorkin imagines when writing. The tennis match that is every conversation in The Social Network is beautifully handled by all of the cast members, but Eisenberg has the facial expressions (and lack thereof) to deliver these words as if they were his own. I only wish this movie had come out in time to save Sorkin’s incredible and cancelled far too early Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip.

Andrew Garfield and Justin Timberlake live and breathe their counterparts to Eisenberg’s Zuckerberg and you can’t help but empathize with all of them. I was shocked to discover that the identical twins in the movie were played by the same talented actor, Armie Hammer, as his ability to play both so well is enhanced by Fincher’s ability to mask any hints of special effects. Not to be outdone by his actors, Fincher films every single scene beautifully and midway through the movie shows us a regatta for 45 seconds that makes you wish he’d make an entire movie about the sport. It’s only when you try (and fail) to find faults with The Social Network that you truly realize how masterfully put together it is.

Reznor’s ability to conjure up emotion with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) instrumental pieces further establishes his status in the music industry. The beautiful Rooney Mara appears for only a short bit of this movie, but any doubts I had about her and Fincher teaming up for the upcoming remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo were quickly expelled as she did just as fabulous a job as everyone else. Similarly, if this is any indication of Andrew Garfield’s talent (which I’ve been hearing about since the UK’s release of Red Riding), then we may finally have the Spider-Man movie that real fans have been waiting for (sorry Raimi, but you lost me at Kirsten Dunst).

Through all of it, my favourite parts were those where we were given the chance to see Zuckerberg’s detached genius through the eyes of a normal person, Rashida Jones. As a member of his legal team, Jones is the one main character that isn’t living in cyberspace and her few short conversations with Eisenberg really put the whirlwind on pause for short moments to put us in touch with the human side of what’s going on. In many ways she represents how we used to interact, as Eisenberg invents new ways for the plugged-in, digital children of the world to socialize.

Immediately upon returning home, disappointed that the two-hour affair wasn’t a four-hour affair, I downloaded the soundtrack and played it in my headphones to relive what I had just watched. It satisfied my cravings in the short-term, but I have to see it again. Do yourself a favour and go see it. Even if you don’t love it, you’ll understand why everyone else does and you’ll be able to chat with your Facebook friends all about it.

With The Town’s childhood friends that would take a bullet for each other, Solitary Man’s relationships that are put to the test by one man’s inability to connect with himself and The Social Network’s perfect look at what the word “friends” means, I wish I’d been able to see these movies with real-live, actual friends of my own. Maybe I’m too old-fashioned.

– Pig

In returning to share the films I love with you, I went back and watched some films that I had always intended on watching, but never got around to. Why the hell did it take me so long to get up to speed? I, like so many others, fell victim to marketing. Over and over again, I’d rush out to see the star-studded major releases that “needed” to be seen on the big screen, and assured myself that I’d go see the film-festival award winners later that week. Then something else big would open and the art-house films (the movies that were more than just popcorn for the senses) would again get pushed back for something that made more money. Here are some of the weekend battles that I’ve finally gone back to revisit.

The Dark Knight vs. Transsiberian (July 18, 2008):

Poor Transsiberian never stood a chance. It wasn’t enough that The Dark Knight was a long-awaited sequel to a successfully rebooted franchise, had more stars than an Ocean’s 11 sequel, and the Oscar award winning performance of the late Heath Ledger. If you didn’t like it, then don’t bother reading anything posted on this website… ever. Lost in The Dark Knight’s shadow was Brad Anderson’s third amazing film in a row (following The Machinist and Session 9, two of my favorites).  With great performances by Woody Harrelson (one of the most watchable actors there is), Ben Kingsley, Emily Mortimer and Kate Mara (who I’ve always felt should be in more movies), Transsiberian continues Anderson’s trend of telling stories in uniquely gripping settings, relying on storytelling rather than special effects. The story is told in such a way that you try and piece together what you think is the mystery only to find out that you were right, but that there is a whole other piece of the puzzle you never even knew was being developed. Directing episodes of amazing television (The Wire, Treme, Fringe and the upcoming Boardwalk Empire), he also has a few big screen projects in the works that I will not let myself miss. Not again. Not ever.

Shutter Island vs. The Ghost Writer (February 19, 2010)

It’s hard to blame anyone for rushing out to see Shutter Island. Despite the divided reviews (I’m on the “I loved it” team), Scorsese alone is enough to command your attendance at a theater (and shortly, in front of your TV with the aforementioned HBO show Boardwalk Empire). Add in a killer cast and a throwback “trapped on an island/insane asylum, murder/conspiracy mystery” and Polanski was doomed. Still, the buzz about The Ghost Writer’s quality kept it high on my list of “inevitably, eventually, I must see this”. Boy am I glad I did. Forget the supporting cast (I know, I can’t stand Kim Cattrall, either) this movie could have been just Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan and Olivia Williams. It’s not entirely unpredictable but it is captivating in its deliberate unwrapping.

The final scene in this was so perfectly filmed that I have watched it a few times since. I’m glad that Polanski has managed to survive through his legal troubles and continues to make movies that make we wonder if there are enough story-telling directors left to keep making art when so many others are resting on the crutches of special effects and gimmicks.

The American vs. Machete (September 3, 2010)

Ok, so The American vs. Machete isn’t quite the same as the above pairings, but they came out on the same day, they’re current, I saw both and I wanted to mention them.

First, Machete. We all knew what to expect and that’s exactly what we got. Nothing more, nothing less; just a 90-minute version of the trailer. Everyone in it did a fine job with what it was (I actually didn’t hate Michelle Rodriguez, and Jessica Alba was fine, except for her one unbearably bad speech). The “bad-guy” triple threat of De Niro, Seagal and newcomer Don Johnson were great, but I can’t help but feel that the high budget somehow made Machete less than it could have been. The result was a tongue-in-cheek movie that felt like it was trying to be a real movie. Having recently seen (and loved) Piranha 3D, I couldn’t help but compare the campy intents of the gore, and I have to admit it but Piranha did all of it better. Maybe if they had kept the Grindhouse wash to the film it would have embraced its B-movie roots more, but it felt a little forced, which is not what you want when you’re going to see an action-gore-fest. It is great to see Danny Trejo getting a starring role, and he is the only part of the movie that is perfect.

Now back to The American, an Anton Corbijn film, another director like Polanski who has mastered the art of subtlety and nuance. Some friends of mine saw it in another city and were underwhelmed; I can only imagine that this is the result of ignoring the trailers and just focusing on the words “Clooney” and “Assassin”. It’s not an action movie in the contemporary sense; it’s so much more.

Maybe because it felt like Three Days of The Condor, which has always been high on my list of favorites, but I was riveted by every single shot and every single performance. It was a welcome change to see Clooney act alongside of a cast full of Europeans; refreshingly free of the go-to Hollywood stars. This added to the belief that he really is as charismatic as he seems, and it turned the focus on to the story and the mood, rather than the faces and names. Every single actor/actress was absolutely fantastic with the standouts being Violante Placido and Paolo Bonacelli as two very different people, trying break through the mysterious outsider’s shell and know who this American is. From the opening scene in Sweden through every shot in Italy, Corbijn brings his music video history into creating absolutely beautiful scenes that enhance, but never distract from, the story unfolding. Yes, you’ll probably predict almost everything, but since when does that have to be a criterion for quality? I’d rather see something old, done perfectly than something original butchered. I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t managed to see Corbijn’s previous film, Control, but I aim to rectify that immediately.

The next fight I’m looking forward to:

Due Date vs. 127 Hours (November 5, 2010)

With The Hangover and the Iron Man movies fresh in everyone’s minds, it’s a no-brainer that Due Date is going to be huge. Who isn’t going to rush out to see RDJ and Zach “Between Two Ferns” Galifianakis go head to head in a road trip movie? I know I’ll see it.

I’m also going to make a point of putting aside time to see 127 Hours. Hell, I’ll probably see it first just to make sure I don’t miss it. I’ve already expressed my draw to Kate Mara, but add to that, James Franco, who’s been gold ever since Freaks & Geeks, as well as Lizzy Caplan, who proved with True Blood and Party Down that she is one of the most entertaining actresses out there. And let’s not forget that despite a couple of missteps (see: The Beach, A Life Less Ordinary or rather, don’t), he’s a pretty bankable director (Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, and 28 Days Later are enough without even mentioning his Slumdog success) and this film is generating quite the buzz in the film-fest circuit.

Me vs. Me (endless battle)

As long as the rules of Mad Men apply, it will always be desirable to drink heavily, womanize and succumb to advertising. With The American’s box-office success of late, I’m happy that the non-Hollywood films still have a fighting chance in an industry that can be so money driven that they’d actually remake Death At a Funeral and I can’t help but feel that I’m part of the problem when I shell out $15 to see The Expendables, only to wait 2 years and pay only $5 to see something as good as Transsiberian.

– Pig

Not since ’Avatar‘ have I found this many people that start conversations with, “Have you seen it yet?” Only with ‘Avatar,’ they were waiting with baited breath to talk about how “cool” this looked, or how “awesome” that scene was. With ‘Inception,’ it’s different. It looks amazing. Christopher Nolan has already proven that he can make a visually spectacular action-adventure. (See: ‘Batman Begins‘ and ‘The Dark Knight.’) Nolan has also proved time and time again that he can challenge you and entertain you at the same time (see ‘Following‘ and ‘Memento‘). With ‘Insomnia,’ he showed his finesse for storytelling without hand holding, and his ability to corral big names into a movie with more mood than ego.

With ‘Memento,’ especially, he showed that complexities don’t have to be trivialized for the sake of gripping entertainment. ‘Inception’ takes every single one of those strengths to the next level and combines them into one, spectacular film. When people have been talking about ‘Inception,’ “how it looks” is a given (read: cool), people talk about what resonated with them and left them thinking. Hearing people talk about different interpretations and meanings of storytelling tidbits, scares me in a “the psycho ‘Lost‘ fans have a new fix” way, but it is awe-inspiring to say the least.

I think I’m done gushing about Nolan here, but I haven’t even started with the rest of the cast. Ever since Scorcese, I’ve accepted that Leo is more than just a star; he’s great at what he does, and he does it again. I can’t express how happy I am to see Tom Hardy in something high profile. ‘Layer Cake‘ on your resume is a gold star in my books, but Hardy’s portrayal of ‘Bronson‘ blew me away, and I’m excited to see him in ‘Mad Max: Fury Road‘ (or anything else for that matter). His “Forger” in ‘Inception’ was one of the most entertaining characters in a group of heavy hitters. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is no slouch either, often playing the straight man when Leo is at his most emotional. The rumour mill suggests possibilities of JGL playing The Riddler in Nolan’s next Batman adventure, and I have no complaints at all about that one. If ‘Inception’ didn’t confirm that he’s officially broken away from his ‘3rd Rock‘ beginnings, see ‘Manic,’ ‘Brick,’ ‘The Lookout‘ and ‘(500) Days of Summer.’ By the pure definition of acting and character growth, realization and discovery, Cillian Murphy acts the hell out of this movie. Rounding out the cast is the ever convincing wizened Ken Watanabe, the hypnotizing Marion Cotillard, Michael Caine-Nolan (after this many consecutive collaborations they have to be related) and Ellen Page who is great as usual…… and 12 years old as usual. For her sake, I really hope she starts to at least look like she’s aging.

I really don’t want to spoil the movie by giving away anything, but rest assured, unlike Spielberg and Lucas, Nolan is as good a writer as he is a director. Not since La Haine’s parable about the man falling off the skyscraper (look it up, forget that. Watch ‘La Haine!’) has a tactfully repeated piece of prose been used so effectively as Nolan’s … Sorry. I’m not going to ruin it. You’ll know it when you hear it.

I’ve been in hiding for quite some time, but I’m poking my head out to say, “See ‘Inception!’ ” I dare you to see it, and not talk about it with someone.In fact, I double pig dare you.

– Pig