Nuv: I commissioned Romita Jr. to do ten prints of you getting kill-fucked by the shit-monster from Weird Science (aka Bill Paxton) your mom (aka Bill Paxton). They’re being hung up on your wall high enough so you can’t reach them (6″ off the ground) as we speak.

Ian: Ian intro (done) Nuv wasting time and air (yep) and: Let’s do this!

Arthur “Art” Adams – Scarlet Witch

Ian: With an ever-changing sense of design, Art Adams has been an innovator in the comics industry since the mid-eighties. While a lot of his contemporaries (Rob Liefeld, Erik Larsen, etc.) fell into the trap of sticking to the ridiculously outdated look of the 1990’s, Adams paid tribute to pin-up artists of the past while pioneering his own style and producing some of the most beautiful cover work in comics today. Case in point, Wanda’s extraordinary rack from the cover of Avengers: The Children’s Crusade No. 3. Yowza!

Stanley “Artgerm” Lau – Mina Harker

Ian: According to Artgerm’s deviantArt, he did this sketch of Mina Harker (from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) at five in the morning in 45 minutes. If that doesn’t blow your mind, nothing will. Also, Mina Harker is my second-favourite character in Alan Moore’s best work (coming in just behind Captain Nemo). What do you got to say about that, Nuv “Pubegerm” Takhar?

Nuv: Nothing much. I won’t mention that a LOT of characters cum in just behind you. No need. My next choice will piss you off on enough levels all by itself…

Frank Quitely – Alan Moore

Nuv: The weird Wiccan writer responsible for arguably the greatest works in the medium, (Watchmen, The Killing Joke, his beard) as depicted by one of the most consistently original, amazing and innovative artists in the medium. From his unique figures to his detailed structures to the interesting framing and masterful pacing of his panel-to-panel storytelling, Frank Quitely is quite frankly 14,000 times the man Ian will ever be. And that’s just in height!

Chris Samnee – Daredevil

Ian: I love Chris Samnee and I love Daredevil and I hate Nuv, and therefore I love this picture. BOOM! DESCRIPTION DONE! In all seriousness though, no one working in the industry can touch what Chris Samnee can do with two-tone, two-dimensional images. Everything he draws is visually unique and this piece (a commission, I think) is no exception.

Cliff Chiang – Felicia Book

Ian: Cliff Chiang’s variant cover for American Vampire: Survival of the Fittest No. 1 is the kind of thing that gets fanboys in a lot of trouble. Generally I steer clear of variants, but this is the kind of image that’ll send a man trolling eBay like he’s Nuv in a tranny shop, and spending more money than he should. And it doesn’t help that vampire hunter Felicia Book is possibly the best character in the whole series.

Cliff Chiang – The DC Runaways

Nuv: “Hello Daddy, Hello Mom!” Cliff reimagines some of DC’s super heroines as the teen-rebel girl group, The Runaways. Also rad? He gets to draw one of them (Wonder Woman) monthly in her ongoing series. It’s less 70s, but no less bad-ass. Cherry!

Rafael Albuquerque – American Vampire 1955

Nuv: The first Rafael on this list, but not the last! Albuquerque’s been a BEAST on AV from day one, but my love of the 1950s made these two covers grab a stake and carve a special place in my heart. Stay gold, Rafael, stay gold.

Darwyn Cooke – Sue Storm

Ian: It probably took Darwyn Cooke less than five minutes to complete this convention sketch, but if he had one, I’d probably give Nuv’s left nut to own it. So that’s how THAT goes.

Francis Manapul – Wonder Woman

Ian: I already wish Manapul was on a book that I cared about and this image just makes it all the worse. As much as I love his art on The Flash, I care about the character about as much as I care about Nuv (not at all) and I’d much rather see him working on something else. For example, how does a guy draw a Wonder Woman pin-up THIS AMAZING and not get handed that book outright?

Nuv: Uhh, ’cause Cliff Chiang’s already killing it on that book. And ’cause Flash is consistently amazing with Manapul at the helm. I think the real question is: how do some people look directly at you without puking outright?!

Ian: Spoken like a true dickhead, Nuv. Touché.

Dustin Harbin – Tyrannosaurus Bats!

Nuv: I purchased Harbin’s “Behold! The Dinosaurs!” for my daughter’s bedroom, and this is the first print that’s gonna go up on my next kid’s wall. Harbin’s art gives me the same feeling I used to get reading Calvin & Hobbes. Spiff!

Andrew Hou – Wolverine

Nuv: Shee-it, we got mo’ dinosaurs than a MU’FUCKER ’round here, pa’tner! This shit is crack to anyone who used to be a 5 year old boy. And choosing to just show the before and after, leaving the actual battle to the imagination? Well played, Andrew!

Henrik Sahlstrom – Lobster Johnson

Ian: Who in the hell is Henrik Sahlstrom? I don’t know either but I hope he makes the CEO’s from Marvel, DC, Dark Horse and Image fist-fight each other to secure his services.

JC Richard – Fortress of Solitude

Nuv: A classy widescreen presentation of Superman’s home in the North Pole, with a barely perceptible red, blue and yellow streak flying off in the upper right corner. Fool them adult motherfuckers with this tasteful, minimalist painting, a grown-up way to display your childish tastes.

Ian: Your mom’s a widescreen presentation.

Jock – Hanna Promo Posters

Ian: I’ve never been very impressed with Jock as an interior artist, but his covers are consistently amazing and so, it would seem, is his corporate ad-work. I loved the movie Hanna, and when I saw that Jock had done a series of Hanna-inspired promo posters, well, like I wish Nuv would do next time he’s near a window, I flipped right out. Great stuff!

Nuv: Nobody’s ever been very impressed with Ian’s jock.

Dan McDaid – Michael Jackson

Nuv: The funk of forty thousand years, bitches! I did a fuckin’ high kick just like Michael when I first laid eyes on this pop masterpiece. (Too bad Ian wasn’t standing in for the other lead in this piece.) McDaid is the correct answer to the question “Who’s Bad?!”

Eric Canete – Luke Cage

Nuv: Sweet Christmas! Ian lost a bet and had to be nice to me for a week. It happened to be a week where he would be attending a comic convention that the inimitable Eric Canete was also attending. BOOM: signed print of Luke Cage fighting three tigers like a BOSS. Paid for by Ian. Enjoyed by Nuv.

Phil Noto – Jean Grey

Ian: Phil Noto is a modern great. Every comic book cover (and interior) he does is extraordinary and I’d honestly buy just about anything he put pencil to. He also maintains two awesome Tumblr pages (1 and 2) where he regularly posts new images that will inspire you to either a) become a better artist or b) quit drawing forever. Why? Because Phil Noto is the king.

Phil Noto – Super(Mad)Man

Nuv: Noto does indeed wield his pencil with an iron fist. I’ve always dug this pic, portraying Mad Men’s Jon Hamm as a commanding, stern-but-just Man of Steel. Anyone who’s heard this dream casting call (including Noto, apparently) agrees that it’s a perfect fit. Like Ian’s mouth and peens.

Ian: And like Nuv’s neck and a noose.

Sam Wolfe Connelly – Nightcrawler

Ian: Sam Wolfe Connelly has a style that will immediately remind you of James Jean and Joao Ruas. You guys, I’m talking about gorgeous graphite and digital colour works! He also has a habit of using Marvel characters as his subjects, which pretty much makes him a genius. Love this Nightcrawler? I knew you would! For more examples, check out his Captain America and Wolverine pieces! Holy smokes!

Rafael Grampa – Batman

Ian: Rafael #2! His last name is fuckin’ GRAMPA! And like most Grampas everything he does is tougher than anything you’ll EVER do. Now get off his damn lawn! Damn kids.

Kagan McLeod – The History of Hip Hop

Nuv: Kagan not only put together the tome of amazingness that is infinite Kung Fu, he not only illustrated a flyer for the Toronto Ghostface Killer show last year that belongs in a fucking museum, he not only seduced your woman with his pen and slapped your little brother with his deadly art hand, he also constructed THE GREATEST POSTER OF ALL TIME! The History of Hip Hop is exactly that: edutainment in the form of the headshots of 469 (!!!) rap icons on one side, facts and recommended listening for every one of ‘em on the reverse, and supreme quality to match the sheer quantity. It ACTUALLY might be bigger than Hip Hop, word to Dead Prez! Kagan was nice enough to sell me a few (so I could frame both sides) AND he even threw in a few extra for YOU crumbs, just ’cause he’s Nicer than Pete! You want one? Here’s how…

All you gotta do is comment below with your own hip hop history. Tell us who the first rapper you remember hearing was, and the one song of theirs you recommend. The first three mofos to do so, WIN THE POSTER FREE OF CHARGE*. Ready, set, SKIP IAN’S PARAGRAPH!
*shipping not included

Ian: Well that’s it for now! But don’t worry folks, my folder of awesome comic book art is huge and my predilection for not writing real articles in a timely manner will ensure that we’ll have plenty more art shows as the year goes on. Think of it as the Review 2 a Kill equivalent of a sitcom clip-show. Except, you know, not sucky to the max.

Put two in the air!

– Ian

Leaving the grocery store the other day I checked out the toy vending machines (like all grown men do) and noticed that one of them has the most awesome Marvel figurines EVER inside! Well I happened to have the coin so like a sucker I stuffed my twoonie in the slot, prayed to Stan Lee for a Daredevil figure and turned the crank. And wouldn’t you just know? Ka-BOOM! Against all odds down came that iconic red-horned head! Now the protector of Hell’s Kitchen is also the protector of my kitchen. Hooray! Here’s a picture to make Nuv die of jealousy.

Anyway, let’s hand out the awards for the last two weeks in comics!

BEST JUMPING-OFF POINT: The award for Best Jumping-Off point goes to Animal Man #3. You know, sometimes you have to read a comic for a long time and spend a lot of your allowance money before you realize the book you’re reading is no good. Luckily this isn’t one of those books. Travel Foreman’s repulsive art was on thin ice from the beginning, but issue #3 is the last straw. Like Nuv’s face, every single panel in this book was a grotesque chore to look at. BLEH GROSS!

BEST KOOL-AID MAN REFERENCE: Nothing trumps awful art like great art, and brother, you can’t do better than Joe Madureira’s Avenging Spider-Man #1. We all knew it was gonna be something very special, but I had no idea it would be this fantastic! The only exposure I’d ever had with the legendary Joe Mad was through the epic video game Darksiders (creative director) but if this is what his comic work looks like, I’m gonna have to go find some Uncanny X-Men and Battle Chasers back issues.

BEST JAWS REFERENCE: I’ve always been a massive fan of the original Jaws movie (who isn’t?) and there’s always been a special place in my heart for the original Peanuts comic strip. So when Charles Foreman sat down a couple of months ago and mashed Spielberg’s story with Shultz’s style, well, genius happened. Check this out!

BEST WTF?!!??!? MOMENT: Remember when Infinite Vacation put out its first couple of issues? And we were all “What a clever and quirky story!” I really liked the low-level danger and some cute romance-y stuff! Well after a long delay the third issue finally came out last week and I’m guessing that sometime after issue #2 was released, Nick Spencer lost his goddamn mind. Have you read Infinite Vacation #3?! Hey, if you like torture, rape, cannibalism and genital mutilation, I HAVE GOT A BOOK FOR YOU. I had to check the front cover to make sure it was still being published by Image and not the idiots over at Avatar Press. Jeesh. I’m still gonna pull the last two issues of the series, but if his was an ongoing book I’d seriously consider dropping it just for the bait-and-switch alone.

BEST BADONKADONK: I try (and fail) not to talk about American Vampire all the time but it must be said that veteran artist Jordi Bernet is doing a pretty swell job as fill-in artist on the current “Beast in the Cave” storyline. In particular, the native vampire queen’s derriere in the last issue. Now, I’m not generally the type to go objectifying the ladies in this column, but Jumpin’ Jimminy! For an ancient monster who has lived countless years in a cave starving in self-exile, baby got back. That’s all I’m sayin’.

BEST EXAMPLE OF EVERYONE BEING WRONG EXCEPT FOR ME: All I read on the interwebs these days is people bitchin’ about Fear Itself. They bitched the whole way through Matt Fraction’s magnum opus and now with the arrival of aftermath issues 7.1, 7.2 and 7.3, people are downright fed up. Fed up with what? Awesome comics? Get your balls out of Bendis’ purse and form your own opinions. Opinions like mine? (wink, wink) If you read 7.2 last week you’d be as stoked as I am for the new year’s Thor comics! That book is going to continue being epic as long as Fraction is running the show and I just can’t wait.

AND FINALLY, THE AWARD FOR BEST SHILL-O-METER BOOK: Marvel put out a big fat preview of the events they have coming in 2012 and called it ‘Point One’. Basically they’re playing catch-up with DC. But here’s the kicker. The book was solicited at $5.99 (ridiculous!) but everyone knows Marvel shipped a LOT of extra copies to each comic shop. What good comic shops did was drop the price on the book right out of the gate. What huckster shops did was sell it to suckers at full price. Anyway, there’s a great preview for the upcoming Defenders comic written by good ol’ Fraction and drawn by my number one choice for a married-couple three-way, Terry and Rachel Dodson. DECENT! And the rest of the book is okay too, if you like Nova and Phoenix and Scarlet Spider. Eh. Meh. Nuh.

Anyways, party on everybody! Until next week!

– Ian

Seven Warriors review OVER!

Rolling on the Marvel train, have you had a chance to check out Daredevil yet? The fifth issue just came out with Marcos Martin taking over the pencilling duties and you know what? IT’S STILL THE BEST COMIC MARVEL IS PUTTING OUT. You almost can’t tell the difference between Paolo Rivera and Marcos Martin’s styles and that’s a very good thing indeed. The issue has a bit of romance (way to go Foggy Nelson!) and a whole lot of action (way to go Foggy Nelson!) You know, people always accuse Daredevil of being a half-assed Batman rip-off, but you know what? Your face is a half-assed Batman rip-off.

Let’s talk about more Marvel stuff! Captain America and Bucky #623, y’all! Sure, I only started picking up this book because Chris Samnee was drawing it, but if he and Ed Brubaker aren’t immediately handed Eisner awards for this issue I don’t know what. This issue finds Bucky leading a rescue mission into what he soon finds out is a Nazi concentration camp and I don’t know if Brubaker was reading a bunch of Art Speigelman’s stuff before he wrote this one, but man, is it heavy. Much more serious than anything I’ve ever read by Bru in the past (and I’ve read almost everything). And Samnee, who usually brings a sense of light-hearteness to everything he draws, really brings the horror of the Holocaust home. Despite the tone and the subject matter though, the issue isn’t miserable to read, and it’s probably the best pencil work of Samnee’s career. Altogether, one of those comic book surprises that makes picking up new titles so rewarding.

Oh, and speaking of the “best comic book a publisher is putting out” anyone heard about this DC comic book called Batman written by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo? Well the kids at R2AK lost our collective shit after the first issue came out and babies, I’m here to tell you that the second issue is every bit as perfect as the first. If I had to drop every comic book except for one, Batman would be the winner. Simple as that. Go buy it! Please! I’m begging you to do yourself a favour and go buy the first two books right now! I mean jeez, issue two features Batman ripping around on the Batcycle (on top of a frickin’ TRAIN) playing chicken with a frickin’ helicopter. YES! YES! AND YES!

Now, not to take a turn to negative-town, but I was SO ON-BOARD with Voodoo until the last panel of the second issue. What the shit DC?

And to wrap it up on a Marvel note, did you guys happen to check out the first issue of Wolverine and the X-Men? Now, y’all know I personally didn’t care for the Schism event, but I was always excited about the aftermath. Well this comic delivers in a great big way! First off, of the two titles (Uncanny X-Men #1 being the other) this one landed the best writer – Jason Aaron – and BY FAR the best artist – Chris Bachalo. Also, the best assembled team. Seriously, not to disparage the “other half” of X-Fandom, but who would choose Uncanny over Wolverine and the X-Men? Nobody. It’s an extra-sized issue that follows Headmaster Logan(!) and Headmistress Kitty Pryde as they lead a couple of inspectors on a disastrous tour through the newly-built Jean Grey School for Higher Learning. Calamity central! What a fun issue. I can’t wait to read more of this!

And that’s it for the news! I was away last week receiving the Pulitzer Prize for awesome comic-book journalism, and while I was gone you guys were left to suffer through an article consisting of a grown man’s obsession with Prince(?!) and a run-down of the questionable-at-best rappers coming to town. Yeesh… But don’t you worry kids! Daddy’s back and it’s allllllllllll gonna be okaaaaay.

– Ian

So Live Nation sez to me “Hey Nuv. Guess who’s coming to town.” And I’m like “Who?” And they’re like “Prince.” And I’m like “Uhhhh…” for like three hours until my throat fell out. They patiently waited while I disposed of the leftovers of my new throat in a bathtub of ice and even assisted while I performed self-surgery so I could finish my thought: “…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (And THAT, in case you didn’t know, is what it looks like when you type what it sounds like when doves cry.)

I’m typing this in fingerless gloves fashioned from a golden brassiere right now just to get the word out to you melonfarmers (TV edit for m*****f******. Prince don’t swear no mo’. Respect royalty, motherfathers!) so’s ya don’t miss out on a for real, 100% legit, bona fide once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see a living legend of live performance Hendrix the holy h*** outta some guitars, falsetto the f*** outta some mics and purple the s*** outta some rain! When MJ died I decided: any acts that are MUST-SEE can’t be left to see “next time.” There might not be one. Conclusion? When opportunity knocks let that b**** in and party like it’s… well, you know.

PS, Live Nation: When you told me my favourite artist of all time was coming to town? What I meant to say was “HOLY F***** S***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Don’t Throw Rocks…
Jay-Z and Kanye West: Watch The Throne Tour
Rogers Arena • Sat Dec 17 & Sun Dec 18 • Buy Tix Online Here

Don’t sit alone at home watchin’ your bone. Accept Live Nation’s cordial invitation to come to Rogers Arena Dec 17 and Watch The Throne go hard as motherfucker! All the cool kids are doin’ it!

In About Two Weeks A Teacher Will Begin To Speak…
KRS-One @ Fortune Sound Club – Tue Nov 15
Tix available @ Beat Street, Highlife, Dipt, Zulu, Red Cat & Online Here

The Blastmaster brings the boom bap to Fortune Sound Club. If you attend this show (Nov 15) you will physically transform into hip hop! It might manifest in the form of dreads, or it might make you slap a fat dude in a moo moo off stage and take his mic. Either or…

“But, but, but, but wait it gets worse!!”
Onyx @ Fortune Sound Club – Tue Nov 22
Tix @ Underworld, Dipt, Zulu & Online Here

HoldDaFucUp!! Not ONLY did these motherfuckers have a track called Blac Vagina Finda. Not ONLY did they pen Slam, one of the all-time great hip hop anthems. Not ONLY did they make calling someone Sticky Fingaz a compliment rather than something your mom busted you with once in Grade 9. They ALSO up and made my day when they announced they’d unleash that unholy, inimitable rasp on the greatest speakers of forever-ness at Fortune! If you come to the show, they’ll make yours too. Dun-duh-nuh! Dun-duh-nuh!

‘The Avengers’ Assemble

All of Marvel’s big guns come together and compete with the Dark Knight himself for the right to cinematically bukake next summer. Downey Jr. has the line of the trailer on two separate occasions! Here’s a sneak peek pervs:

‘Chronicle’

Friday Night Lights‘ last QB stars in this “found footage” style film about some punk-ass teens getting kick-ass superpowers. Shades of Akira (which is never a bad thing) but the presentation makes it all feel unique.

The 2011 BET Cyphers

I’m not huge on awards shows, but BET’s changing that with their Cyphers. All the good things about rap in one place. The first vid is the best. Yelawolf is siiiiick and Royce kills it too (”Hi Rihanna”), but the Cypher is unsurprisingly owned by the head honcho of Shady Records. Eminem already murdered the alphabet. Last year he pissed on it’s grave. Now he’s just desecrating it’s corpse. Absolutely bananas! (Make sure you watch to the end for him.) The second one is solid as well, with top-notch showings from Big K.R.I.T., Machine Gun Kelly, Kendrick Lamar and B.o.B. in beast mode. (Oh yeah: old ass Tech Nine is there too.) And the last verse on the third video (courtesy of Skillz) is nutso mango! “Y’all never came in like Jay-Z’s moustache”?! SHITDAMN!!

Shady 2.0

Indie Meets Mainstream

Skillz

Community: Remedial Chaos Theory

Anybody that’s not on board with Community yet, you’re missing one of the most consistently hilarious and creative shows on television. Don’t be a jerk to yourself. It’s a weekly dose of smart comedy, packed to the brim with pop culture references, homages to great movies, meta-commentary on the characters, (like talking about Shirley being the least popular of them in episode, a way to acknowledge and comment on the fact that she’s also the least popular character in real life among fans) and all-around mega-awesome-ness. Oh, and the naked, tiny-genital’d Chinese trunk-dude from The Hangover is all up in this motherfucker too. Anyway, if you’re one of those mooks that’s still on the fence: BAM! Here’s one of the smartest, and funniest, episodes yet, divided by “chapter.” Watch it in order. The way it builds to the madness of “Timeline Five: Troy” is masterful. (Or, short attention span suckas, just skip straight to “Timeline Five.” Even out of context it’s the best shit EVER!) If you don’t like this, you won’t like the series. And I won’t like you. And you should be ashamed of yourself. Dick.

Timeline One: Annie

Timeline Two: Shirley

Timeline Three: Pierce

Timeline Four: Britta

Timeline Five: Troy

Timeline Six: Abed

The Prime Timeline: Jeff

Epilogue: Return To Troy’s Timeline

Batman: Arkham City

The first installment in this video game franchise (Arkham Asylum) is not only the best super-hero game ever, but one of the best games ever PERIOD! From what I’ve heard, the second one pulls a ‘The Dark Knight’ and tops it. Someone buy me this shit on the PS3 now and shit!!

Batman: Year One

Stupid family. All, takin’ up my time loving me and shit. Don’t you know I gots to watch this mu’fucker right here?!

Everybody Was Kung Fu Blah Blah

You guys HAVE to read Wolverine #17. I won’t spoil it, but if the line “Is it true that Kung Fu-related deaths are already up by 200% over last year?” doesn’t interest you, you’re shittier than the dickhead adult from Footloose! It’s mo’ fun than a motherfucker! Jason Aaron’s beard wields dark magics that grant him savage writing abilities. With Hulk, Wolverine & The X-Men, Wolverine and PunisherMax… fuck, other than Uncanny X-Force & Daredevil my entire Marvel pull list consists of Jason Aaron-written titles. Anyways, Wolverine #17: Cop that shit and get caught up before next issue. Fat Cobra!

Oh, and if you like that, you’ll love this too: Secret Avengers #18 starring Bruce Lee Shang Chi and illustrated by (no stranger to Kung Fu-related deaths) David Aja. Hi-yaaaa!!

The Dark Arts of Andrea Sorrentino

[Said in my best Homer Simpson "yell-whisper" while motioning with my thumb] Check out this motherfucker! BONKERS!!!

Shamone! by Dan McDaid

“This is the best thing your eyes will ever see…” is a line usually followed by the unveiling of my peen. Here’s the second best thing!

Yo, Milk! Cheese! M.O.P.! Play me out…

– Nuv

So the issue came out last week and after reading it over a couple of times just to spite Nuv (illiterate) I gotta wonder if this wasn’t a bad idea. Don’t get me wrong, the issue is pretty excellent in itself. Bendis is rolling along with his Office-like narration panels and I’m still enjoying it. The action is great, mostly featuring Daredevil smashing the living bejesus out of Nazis and their machinery while defending the Avengers mansion (with Luke Cage’s baby inside.) And even though I’m not generally a huge fan of Mike Deodato’s art, the layouts and facial expressions definitely make the issue stand out.

So what’s the problem?

Well, I guess the thing I don’t like here is the exact same thing I loved about Bendis’ run in the 2000’s. It’s dark. It’s heavy. It deals with all the old themes of guilt and remorse and loss and everything that caused everyone to grow tired of the character and the book (and Nuv) YEARS AGO. It just wasn’t fun anymore.

In New Avengers #16 Luke Cage goes on for ten panels about how much Matt’s “lost” and “suffered” and “demon driven”. Two pages later Daredevil’s swinging a Gatling gun around with a ruined uniform and blood all over him and a face that’s at times furious and deeply miserable. Basically, it’s ten-years ago all over again.

Nowadays there’s a new Daredevil in town, you know? And Mark Waid is doing a great job at pulling the character out of his miserable stupor and making the flagship book fun again. And while it’s great to see Daredevil on an Avengers team I honestly hope he’s not going to be a central character. Bendis had a great run with good ol’ horn-head but the torch has been passed to a couple of great writers since then. Oh, and Andy Diggle also.

New Avengers remains one of the best books Marvel publishes and I’m really looking forward to the direction it takes after Fear Itself. I just hope Bendis has the good sense to look forward more than he looks back because nobody wants to see sad-sack Matt Murdock for a very long time. Similarly, nobody wants to see numb-nuts Nuv write for this column ever again, but unfortunately he owns the site so it’s bound to happen.

What are you gonna do?

– Ian

Remember two weeks ago when Nuv was all “Blabbity schwah!” about the new Daredevil book and we were all “Pssssh” in front of our computers? Well, in un-Nuv-like fashion, he did manage to get one thing right when he realized he shouldn’t “say too much more.” Obviously, Nuv knows as much about Daredevil as he does about heterosexuality.

Me, on the other hand? I love the Man Without Fear! I love Matt Murdock so much that I’m not afraid to say cold-hard truths that need to be said! For instance, you know, DD has been a little too heavy for a few too many decades now. That’s a fact! It’s gross how all of Matt’s lady-types end up dead or in the insane asylum or (like all of Nuv’s past girlfriends) living with regret and self-loathing. All of Matt’s friends have either died or turned their backs on him at one time or another. Family, dead. Catholic guilt. Jesus, after Andy Diggle’s disastrous run everyone in New York thinks he’s an idiot, Captain America included! That takes some doing, to make Cap think you’re a weasel. I bet Chris Evans thinks Nuv is a weasel. Just sayin’.

From Daredevil: Born Again aka the most miserable comic book ever written. Guess who’s a junkie-prostitute? That’d be Matt’s girlfriend Karen.

But if you want to go find a different Daredevil, a more free-wheeling and adventurous Daredevil, you have to drudge back into the origin of the character and you know what you’ll find there: schmaltz. Back in the days of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, Gene Colon and John Romita Sr. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s a certain charm there but have you ever tried to sit down and read one of the black & white Marvel Essentials collections? Yeesh. It’s almost as if the writers didn’t trust the artists to tell a visual story. Always overcompensating with exposition like “I am now looking at the lightpost! I’m having feelings of sadness that probably can’t be drawn on paper!” And the artists were producing work that a) would get covered up by too many word bubbles, b) they were paid buttons-per-page to sweat over and c) would never be their intellectual property in the end anyway. Oh wait, all of these things were true and it shows.

I’m not sure I understand what’s happening in these panels. Maybe more words might help?

So what’s a modern Daredevil fan to do? Wait around for things to change.

AND THEN SUDDENLY, light at the end of the tunnel. A new Daredevil ongoing series was announced – some would say WAY too close on the heels of the Shadowland fiasco – and with an entirely original team to boot. Mark Waid, the brains behind Kingdom Come (!!!) is gonna write the thing and even promises to “tone down the noir a bit and play up the high adventure…” Okay, Mark Waid! Good! But the pencils will suffer for sure right? I mean, big name on the story, means cost saving on the pictures right? Twice wrong! In a stroke of genius that makes me wonder if Marvel has some sense after all, an announcement followed stating that Paolo Rivera and Marcos Martin were to share artistic duties for the foreseeable future. And that, my friends, is called FANBOY BONER-FEST 2011!

And Nuv-be-damned if this book doesn’t deliver. Here are three things that really caught my eye in the first two issues (selected from A HOST OF OTHERS).

Waid really seems to be making good on his promise to make the book more swashbuckle-y. Daredevil really seems to be having a great time and the best example of this is where he stops a kidnapping at a mafia wedding. He even pauses mid-fight to plant one on the bride. Saucy! Also, inappropriate?

New Assistant D.A. Kirsten McDuffie. I don’t know what role she’s going to play in the title yet, but she’s a real firecracker in her first couple of scenes. She’s got Matt’s number and there’s no way he’s going to lawyer his way around her. It also doesn’t hurt that Rivera has something Alex Maleev never had: the ability to draw completely adorable women.

Clever fight scenes. Most artists working in the industry can draw a decent fight scene. Guy-hits-guy. Guy-throws-guy-into-car. But so far all of the brawls in Daredevil V3 have had a real special quality to them. From Captain America’s confetti gun (to throw off DD’s senses) to the tit-for-tat removal of Daredevil’s horn and Cap’s wing, these are some of the most entertaining pages I’ve ever seen in all my years reading the book. Great stuff!

Anyway, I could probably write pages and pages about how great this book is (and about Nuv’s more disagreeable traits) but I’ll suffice it to say that this is my favourite book out right now. I can’t wait for the third issue, which is scheduled for September 7th, also known as TOMORROW! Get it!

Tune in next week where we’ll probably be talking about the New DC 52. Or about how X-Men: Schism sucks despite Jason Aaron writing it. Or about why today’s creators spend so much time whining about shit on Twitter (I’m looking at you Bill Willingham, Adam Hughes and Stuart Immonen).

Peas out!

– Ian

The best move Marvel’s made in the last few years is handing Jason Aaron the keys to the X-Mansion. Wolverine has been visceral, gritty and fun as fuck to read since Aaron’s had him tangled up in his twisted beard of terror. He’s literally been to hell and back, running into characters like his father, that little piece of shit Puck, Sabretooth, the devil himself, and recently the Red Right Hand, a group of people wronged in some (horrible) way by Logan over the course of his long life, banded together with the sole purpose of torturing him in the worst ways possible. The highlight of Aaron’s run for me though is the new character Lord Deathstrike. He’s an impossibly kick-ass, silent assassin who has an assignment interrupted by the Canucklehead’s hijinks. Check it:

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Meanwhile, Aaron’s been moving the mutants towards their own Civil War in X-Men: Schism. Armed with five superstar artists and five issues, he’s leading to a Professor X/Magneto-level falling out between Cyclops and Wolverine. The lack of bro-ness  will result in the X-Men being split down the middle and forced to choose sides. On one side, Wolverine & The X-Men. On the other (assuming he survives) Ol’ One-eye will lead the Uncanny X-Men. I’ve been picking up Schism, and I’m definitely following Aaron, his Beard and Chris “Baby Got” Bachalo onto Wolverine & The X-Men. Kieron Gillen and Carlos Pacheco will probably kill it on Uncanny as well, but hey, this whole thing’s about picking sides, and I don’t like the fence, so fuck ‘em!

Dead Family, Punisher, Chicken, Egg

The funny thing is that all of the above aren’t even the best of Jason’s Marvel output. That would be PunisherMax. In between those bar-raising Dave Johnson covers, Aaron’s been crafting, for my money, the ultimate Punisher epic. But that’s a story for a whole other day and a whole other article. For now, take my word for it and pick it up. Or don’t and miss out. Your call, shitball…

Don’t Make Me (Battle) Chase You

Joe Madureira owned my attention with a pimp-grip in the late 90s/early 2000s. He’s about to do Avenging Spider-Man, a team-up book tailored to big action and cool shit he’s really good at drawing in the same way the early issues of Superman/Batman were for Ed McGuiness. So I guess Marvel will own another $4 of Nuv-money a month. And then the final issue will never come out, Battle Chasers-style. And then Joe Madureira will laugh. And I will kick this innocent dog I’ve taken hostage. Anyone wanna chant “Battle Chasers” with me, “Attica” style?

Tears Of A Dickhead

What else? Oh! Daredevil #1, courtesy of Mark Waid and the deadly duo of Paolo Rivera and Marcos Martin, rules! The story is zippy and smart and the art belongs in a museum. And #2 is just as good! I won’t say too much more. Micro-dong himself, Ian, is yelling at my house from the legally required 50 meters, that I’m “cutting his grass” because he wants to talk about his beloved Matthew Murdock. Who am I to stand between the love of a midget and a fictional character? Don’t you cry, Ian! He’s all yours! Don’t get staples in your wee pee pee, mmm‘kay? ’Nuff said and shit…

ANDI’MOUT!

– Nuv

HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED. I was thinking about all my awesome comics, looking at my short boxes all wistful like “Oh, I love you SO MUCH short boxes full of awesome comics!” And that’s when the most awful thought that EVER CROSSED MY MIND crossed my mind. What if I could only keep enough comics to fill one short box? For those keeping score at home that’s a mere 135 comic books. Now some of you will say “That’s a whole lot of comics!” which means some of you are completely CLUELESS!

Okay, wait. What? Here’s the keepers y’all!

AMERICAN VAMPIRE #1-5 • Writer: Scott Snyder / Stephen King • Artist: Rafael Albuquerque

God it’s hard to spell Albuquerque… Oh, hello there! Remember a year ago when I implored everyone to stop moaning about how they were sick of vampires, heed my words and buy a copy of American Vampire?  Well 14 issues in the series is still BALLS INCORPORATED. So good! But nothing beats the first five-issue arc. One thing is for damn sure: Snyder, King and Raffie’s dads could beat up your dads!

BATMAN: DARK VICTORY #0-13 • Writer: Jeph Loeb • Artist: Tim Sale

I own everything that Loeb and Sale have ever collaborated on. Even the stuff that super sucks. But if I had to pick just one set to fit in my box, it would be Dark Victory. I know that dumbass Nuv likes The Long Halloween better, but that’s only because it’s a direct rip-off of the Godfather movies which Nuv only likes because the Corleones get to make out with their cousins and nobody gets all judgy. Dark Victory, on the other hand, is probably the best thing to come out of the Loeb/Sale Awesome Alliance™. Jeph Loeb serves up a great story featuring the entire Batman rogues gallery and Tim Sale consistently turns in the best pencil work of his career. (Except for maybe Catwoman: When in Rome where he literally spends six whole issues drawing Selina Kyle in various states of undress. Meow!)

BATMAN: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE CAPED CRUSADER? #1-2 • Writer: Neal Gaiman • Artist: Andy Kubert

I’ve been a fan of Neil Gaiman’s fiction for a long time, so when I heard he was doing a two-part story on the possible deaths of Batman (as told by his friends and enemies) I had to have it. The only problem being that I didn’t even hear about it until my stupid co-worker at the time (guess who?) told me about it months after the issues had come and gone. Well long-story-short, after leaving a trail of broken bones and broken hearts I landed a set of my very own. Synopses: Batman is dead and everyone at his funeral has a different story about how it went down. Neat!

CATWOMAN #45 • Writer: Will Pfeifer • Artist: Pete Woods

I have the whole 83-issue run of Catwoman Vol. 3 and to be perfectly honest I haven’t really read ‘em. Well, I’ve read the Brubaker stuff. So why do I keep them around? Because the winsome Venus Toshiba gave them to me as a present and because I love Adam Hughes’ 39-issue cover run. Gorgeous stuff, but my all-time favourite cover was issue 45, which I was sure to tell the man himself that when I went all fanboy on his ass at Emerald City Comicon earlier this year. Sweet!

DAREDEVIL: HARDCORE #46-50 • Writer: Brian Michael Bendis • Artist: Alex Maleev

Bendis and Maleev’s epic stint on Daredevil made it the greatest ongoing superhero title ever published. Better than Frank Miller’s crusty old crap from the 80’s, better than anything seen before or since. And right smack in the middle of it comes the Hardcore storyline which, if you have any appreciation for the genre at all, is some of the greatest and grittiest crime fiction in comics. Matt Murdock has been outed as Daredevil to the whole world, so to make Matt go completely mental The Kingpin puts Typhoid Mary and Bullseye back in action. Matt completely loses his shit and kicks the living bejesus out of the both of them and carves a bullseye right into Bullseye’s forehead with a sharp ass piece of rock! Then to top it off he beats Kingpin half to death and declares himself the new King of Hell’s Kitchen. Oh, and in classic Matt Murdock fashion, he starts up a brand new relationship with the also-blind Milla Donovan (who would later become his wife) in what has to be the worst possible timing in the history of the character. GREAT, GREAT STUFF.

DETECTIVE COMICS (aka Batwoman) #854-860 + #0 • Writer: Greg Rucka • Artist: J.H. Williams III

We’ve written AT LENGTH about these eight comics, so basically if you didn’t love the Rucka & Williams’ run on Detective Comics back in 2009, I just don’t know what to tell you (about the fact you have NO TASTE WHATSOEVER). I don’t know why DC felt the need to jerk Rucka around to the point where he left the title altogether, but I’d rather have seven books of mind-blowing greatness than a great big run of mediocre stuff. Which, of course, wouldn’t have happened. WHY DC WHY!?? God damn it!!

DARWYN COOKE: SOLO #1 • Writer/Artist: Darwyn Cooke

I know everybody gets all wooby-woo about the 12-issue Solo series, but honestly the only ones I really liked were the Tim Sale, Paul Pope and, of course, Darwyn Cooke issues. For those who don’t know, DC had a great idea in 2004 to give certain artists 48-pages (with no ads!) to do whatever they wanted. A super-cool concept that – like too many others – crashed right after it took off. Anyway, Darwyn Cooke’s issue is bookended by Slam Bradley and is packed full of autobiographical anecdotes, tough guys and foxy dames, contentious politics, pin-ups, mysteries, and one of the best Batman stories I’ve ever read. Oh, and if that isn’t enough, almost every part of the book is drawn in a different style. Brilliant!

DC: THE NEW FRONTIER #1-6 + Special • Writer/Artist: Darwyn Cooke

This is the greatest superhero mini-series ever produced. DC didn’t want it, said Wonder Woman was too fat, basically tried to tell Cooke what to do and he was all “Bullshit to that!” If my apartment caught fire and I could only grab one set of comics before I bust through the window all ablaze like a TOTAL BAD-ASS, I’d grab my New Frontiers. Henry Rollins once said there’s nothing worse than realizing that you’re having the best moment of your life because it’s immediately followed by the realization that it’ll never be that good again. I kinda feel the same way about DC: The New Frontier and comics in general. I don’t feel that way about my relationship with Nuv though. Because it was never any good to begin with.

DAYTRIPPER #1-10 • Writers/Artists: Fabio Moon & Gabriel Ba

I wrote about this series about a year ago and the more I think about it, the more I love this book. I’ve really enjoyed the work done by the brothers Moon & Ba in the past (Casanova and The Umbrella Academy, for instance) but UNLIKE Nuv and I, the brothers are at their best when they’re working together. There are a lot of comics out there that you read once and file away, never to be seen again. This is not one of those comics. The story of Bras de Oliva Domingos’ life (and many possible deaths) is a really compelling one and no one is more surprised than me that it made the 135.

FANTASTIC FOUR: MARVEL KNIGHTS #1-7 • Writer: Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa • Artist: Steve McNiven

I’ve only ever mentioned this series once before because it came out in April 2004 and I wasn’t being extorted by Nuv to write columns back then. Actually DEADLY WICKED sites like this didn’t even exist back then, prompting bored and unfunny internet “surfers” to create stupid-ass pages like this. But I digress! Aguirre-Sacasa and McNiven’s opening seven issue run did for THIS READER what I never thought possible; it actually made me give a crap about the Fantastic Four. McNiven is basically perfect on the art (no surprise there) but it’s Aguirre-Sacasa’s story that really catches you off guard. There have been a lot of family-oriented stories in comics, but none told so truthfully and compellingly and not-lamely. It’s as though RA-S sat down and said “Forget everything that’s been written about this family before, I’m going to make it real.” And that’s what you get! An opening seven-issues so wholly satisfying that even if you dropped the title after the seventh issue (idiotic!), you’d still have something worth saving.

Anyway my paint-buzz is starting to wear off, leaving me in a state of fear and paranoia (why does my phone click every time I pick it up?!) So this is as good a time as any to end the first half of this article! Ten titles down, eleven to go! Part Two starts here. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

– Ian

I read a whole lot of comic books as a kid.  Sure most of them were Spider-Man titles, but kids are dumb and can’t be blamed for liking the dumb stuff they like (Pizza Turtles, Nuv, etc.) But growing up I always lived in small towns and collecting comics purchased from my local convenience store was an ongoing disaster of missing issues, damaged books and unsuccessful shoplifting. Eventually I was all “Fudge this!” and quit reading comics altogether. But then guess what? Years later a buddy lent me a copy of Milk & Cheese: Dairy Products Gone Bad by Evan Dorkin. Basically it’s a comic book about two dairy products who roam around talking shit and smashing things to pieces. Things like hippies! And veterinarians! In summation, Milk & Cheese was the greatest of all time and soon it’ll be released in a fancy-ass hardcover featuring:

– over 80 pages of comics that have not been collected before
– a 24-pg color section featuring all the color M&C strips, a cover gallery, pin-ups, merchandise art, trading cards, etc.
– a 24-pg B&W supplemental section featuring pin-ups, t-shirt designs, and other art, etc.
– the rare 1997 M&C Special Edition 16-pg mini-comic featuring the expanded “Darth Vader Overdrive” strip and extras

GOD DAMN!

Daredevil #1

Have you even seen the art for this book? It comes out TODAY! I will say no more!

Possible Iron Fist / Doctor Strange Fear Itself Spin-Offs

You know in a schoolyard fight when two guys are all glaring at each other like “Do somethin’! Do somethin’!” And then one guy sucker punches the crap out of the other guy (who was only planning on ACTING TOUGH until the recess teacher came to break it up). And then everybody is all “OHHHHHH SNAAAAAP!” Well that’s what DC did to Marvel with their total relaunch announcement last month.  Since then it’s been fun to watch Marvel scramble to remain relevant with their goofy silhouetted “announcements” this week. But hey, listen, if the threat of corporate annihilation is all it takes to get Marvel to release new Doctor Strange and Iron Fist comics, then DC should have pulled this shit years ago. I love Iron Fist! And also Stephen Strange! Marvel, I want you to rock these two titles like your publishing future depends on them. Because who knows, maybe it does?

Captain America / Captain America and Bucky

This week marks the first time that I’ve ever bought a Captain America ongoing book. The only Cap comics I own right now are Captain America: White #0 (ha ha ha) and Paolo Rivera’s Mythos: Captain America. That’s it! Two stand-alone origin books bought for the art above all else. But then BAM! I see the trailer for the upcoming Cap movie and it looks a-MAAY-ZIING and now I’m all over the comics. Ed Brubaker and Steve McNiven on Captain America #1? Pulled! Captain America and Bucky #620? An awesome lookin’ jump-on book with Brubaker and friggin’ Chris Samnee?! PULLED! Never did I ever imagine that I would be caught pulling one (let alone TWO) Captain America books. Nuv gets caught pulling it all the time. Hilarious masturbation joke, you guys!

Severed

Image Comics don’t care about their readers enough to put their books out on time. They never have and that’ll never change. Look at Infinite Vacation. Where the hell is the third issue of that comic book?It’s been THREE MONTHS since the last issue and the next solicitation is nowhere in sight. That’s what happens when you run your business like a commune. GODDAM HIPPIES! Wait, what was I saying?

Oh, the beatniks over at Image comics are putting out a new hobo-horror series called Severed and I’ll probably buy it when it comes out because it looks like the best comic book in the whole world. It’s written by Scott Snyder (man crush!) with art by the amazing Atilla Futaki (whose dad could beat up J.H. Williams III’s dad any day). Long story short, no matter how much I SWEAR TO ALMIGHTY GOD I’ll never buy another Image book (Phonogram, Nonplayer, I’m looking at you), I always go back because creator-owned comics are some of the best comics out there. It’s just too bad I’ll probably be dead in the grave before I ever see the third issue of Severed because Snyder is writing 87% of DC’s books these days…but hey, who knows?

That’s just SOME of the stuff I’m hyped about!

– Ian

Well Andy Diggle, you did it (and no, I’m not talking about that deadly glamour-shot of you on your website). It took you two years, but you finally completed your quest to make Daredevil the dumbest and most embarrassing hero in the Marvel Universe. So, this week saw the fourth and (thank Christ) final issue of Daredevil: Reborn and I gotta tell you, the only thing that saved the book was my old friend Davide Gianfelice’s pencils and Jock’s covers. Synopsis! Matt is sulking in the American South because he killed Bullseye and all his friends are mad at him. He comes across some blind kid whining about something-or-other in a town full of crooked cops and is all “Oh, I don’t want to get involved.” And then just like out of a circa-1990’s Steven Seagal movie, the cops try to kill him and BAM! He’s ABOVE THE LAW, HARD TO KILL, MARKED FOR DEATH and OUT FOR JUSTICE. Blind justice? I don’t know. Basically the end of the comic sets Matt back in New York talking about setting up a new law office with Foggy and pulling out his Daredevil uniform again. That’s right kids, it’s a fucking re-boot all the way back to the Bendis’ finale. Good riddance Andy Diggle, don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

Wait! I have words that need to be said! On May 15th I made my triumphant return to the Vancouver Comicon. Now, I playfully rip on the local ‘con because it’s a pretty bare-bones affair, but this round something magical happened. For one thing, they somehow managed to black-bag Nate Simpson (of Nonplayer fame) and have him graciously sit at a table signing comics. And secondly, I found the complete 25-issue run of Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men in beautiful condition FOR ONLY $15. Hot damn! Well, if that ain’t worth the $4 entry, I don’t know WHAT.

I couldn’t possibly have a bigger nerd-boner for Marvel’s big summer event, Fear Itself. And this is coming from a guy who usually hates events more than J. Copland hates organizing his collection. Stuart Immonen could illustrate the goddamn bible and I’d read it, so this series was always gonna be a must-buy for me. Matt Fraction is going to kill it like he’s killed everything else since he’s been with Marvel. The build-up on this series has been ridiculous and I can’t even wait for the third issue where – from what I hear – all hell is gonna break loose. Marvel, consider yourselves forgiven for Civil War and Siege. FORGIVEN!

Fun Fact: My favourite comic book shop in the whole world is Another Dimension Comics in Calgary, Alberta. You’ve absolutely gotta love any store that’s got a life-sized Ed Norton Hulk smack in the middle of the floor. It’s HUMONGOUS! Their toy and statue selection is OFF THE HOOK and they’ve got pretty much any modern back issue you could ask for. Anyhoo…

Oh! You want to be down with Journey Into Mystery / Thor? In classic Marvel fashion, with a huge summer blockbuster on the horizon, this comic book has been a COMPLETE GONG-SHOW as far as numbering goes. The company knew they had a big movie in the works a couple of years ago, so they started a new title just called Thor #1. So far, so normal. Then they went mental with renumbering all of their titles back to the first issues, so ten or twelve issues into their new Thor title they pop the numbering up to #600. So this goes on for approximately twenty issues before they once again revert the title from Thor to Journey Into Mystery – a header last seen back in 1998 – and make it pretty much all about Loki. JUST IN TIME FOR THE RELEASE OF THE THOR MOVIE. Confused? I swear the suits at Marvel never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity. What was I saying? Oh, right. If you can get past the numbering fiasco, this series is awesome. Fraction, awesome. And now Kieron Gillen, also awesome. BUY IT.

Ever since their epic Daredevil run, I’ll buy anything put out by the team of Brian Michael Bendis and Alex Maleev. Anything. So when Moon Knight was announced I didn’t really give a crap what it was about, I just added it to my pull list and that was that. Well as it turns out the first issue (which came out the second week of May) seems to be the beginning of a really fun book. Marc Spector is a schizophrenic who hears voices and fights crime despite having no powers whatsoever. And in this series he’s gonna be getting help from some Avengers (Cap, Wolverine, Spider-Man, etc.) who exist only in his head. NEAT!

Speaking of comic shops with SERIOUS MERIT: Big thanks to The Connection for hooking up yours truly on Free Comic Book Day. I was lamenting that I’d be out of town for the holiest of holy days and asked the lads to put aside one (1) copy of Locke & Key and one (1) copy of Captain America/Thor: The Mighty Fighting Avengers and not only did they grab those for me, they also hooked me up with the other 35 titles that came out as well. Jesus, I almost welled up!

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I was so close to dumping New Avengers after Howard Chaykin signed on to draw half the book. God Chaykin sucks ass, how is he considered a legend? His Nick Fury back-up story has been a visual dead weight in an otherwise exceptional series so far and I can’t wait to see the end of it. After the next issue he’s putting the contents of his desk in a box, so I’ll stick around to see how my favourite team enjoys Fear Itself with Mike Deodato and the rest of the Avengers. Is Marvel amalgamating this book with the main title? You can’t tell what’s going on anymore because they’re being all hush-hush while I’m thinking about riding the bus to work as a result of my comics spending getting all woo-woo.

Anyway, that’s what’s up. I was supposed to write an article on the different Thor books that are out right now (which I kinda did?), but instead I just wrote whatever I wanted. What can I say? There’s a lot of awesome shit going on!

AAAAAHH!!

– Ian