Batgirl – Stephanie Brown was a great Batgirl and rocked the black and purple for too short a time (24 issues). Lucky for us the cosplayers think so too!

Batwoman – In a sea of unoriginality (Venus counted twenty-two Poison Ivys and over ten Harley Quinns) there are always a handful of original costumes. This Batwoman was one of our favourites for sure.

The Court of Owls – Easily the most eerie costumes of the con. Fear the court!

Harley Quinn, Scarecrow and Catwoman – Win! Win! Win!

Hawkman – Character fail, costume win! Sure Hawkman sucks, but check out those awesome wings!

Lady Blackhawk – In every crowd picture there’s an Asian saying everything with their eyes. LOL! Seriously though, this one is definitely in the running for best con costume. Fan-tas-tic.

Poison Ivy & Two-Face – I’m gonna write some x-rated fan fiction about these two! It’s gonna be a new feature in the comics section of R2AK! Look for it in May!

The Riddler - Nailed it!

The Rocketeer – Girl Rocketeers are my most favourite thing ever. Considering I’d give my left nut for that jacket and helmet, this one is really well done!

Rogue & Punisher – There are no shortage of crappy Punishers (and Deadpools) at comic conventions, but this guy put a lot of work into his costume. And that old-school Rogue is fantastic too. Nice!

Wonder Woman – Ame-Comi (by Udon Studios) make the best manga-fied heroine statuettes and the fact that this woman made an Ame-Comi Wonder Woman costume endears her to our hearts.

Zatanna – Cute and awesome, a con without a Zatanna is like a day without sunshine. Or like a Nuv article without spelling and grammatical errors. Go fishnets!

THE. END. (Whew.) Y’all get home safe now, y’hear?

– The Explosivos

Billy Fowler’s Nightcrawler – I was lucky enough to pick up this rad-ass print by a rad-ass artist. Check out Billy’s website and be amazed!

Brian Buccellato’s Lady Blackhawk – Best known as the colourist on Francis Manapul’s The Flash, Buccellato has some artistic chops of his own. Check it out!

Cat Farris‘ Portal – For the cake-loving puzzle solvers in all of us.

Christopher Uminga’s Batgirl – Cassandra Cain was the most bad-ass Batgirl ever to wear the uniform. Venus managed to get this amazing commission during the Saturday madness.

Dean Trippe’s Supergirl – I had this image as a computer wallpaper for a long time before I found out who did the art. Lucky for me I was able to get a nice print from the man himself!

Dustin Nguyen’s Lady Blackhawk – Nguyen was swamped for three days and still signed and sketched for almost anyone who asked. I’m super-glad Venus asked.

Francis Manapul & Brian Buccellato’s Wonder Woman – Venus not only got Francis Manapul to sketch her a Wonder Woman, she also got Brian Buccellato to colour it. PSYCHIC POWERS OF PERSUASION.

Greg Capullo’s Scarecrow – I managed to score a copy of this Greg Capullo print for Numbnuts on Saturday. Capullo was all “This Nuv guy sounds like a giant idiot.” Right you are, Greg! *

* Legal counsel for the site (A.T. the Bartender) has advised me to put in small-print that the above misquote, despite its absolute truth, is a shameless and wholly fabricated libel intended to disparage the character and ruin the already-questionable reputation of said “giant idiot.”

Katie Cook’s Birds of Prey, Min-Ian, Mini-Venus – I almost died…OF CUTENESS! Venus’ Birds of Prey commission theme is basically the best idea since… ever. And since Katie does $5 sketch cards of anything you want, Venus got her to do us blowing stuff up in our respective trades.

Kelly Sue DeConnick & Phil Noto’s Ghost – I’d been meaning to read Image’s Ghost for a while now, and with a new series starting soon (DeConnick writing, Noto drawing) it’s a great jumping on point.

Marcus To’s Batgirls – Marcus To really kicked ass on the 6-issue Huntress series that just wrapped up, so we were pretty stoked to see him (and his awesome prints) at ECCC 2012.

Matt Wagner’s Lady Blackhawk – Venus’ final commission of the con, the icing on the cake, and Wagner absolutely NAILED IT. A great way to get rid of those pesky American greenbacks before heading home.

Phil Noto’s Daenerys Targaryen – We love Game of Thrones almost as much as we love Phil Noto’s art. Venus picked up this print and now all I can do is listen to “Hey Jealousy” by the Gin Blossoms on repeat.

Phil Noto’s Lady Blackhawk – Venus paid for a black-and-white commission and Noto coloured it for free by accident. It’s unexpected raddities like this that makes a great con extraordinary!

Tim Sale’s Cassandra Cain Batgirl – Venus always manages to snag a fast-pass commission from Tim Sale and once again he totally rocked it for her.

Stay tuned for THE SECOND INSTALMENT of our photo gallery of con-goodness! Coming up in the next article: Cosplay!

– The Explosivos

Sunday: Day Three

The third and final day of con. The day to sleep in, leisurely collect your loot, rejoice in your spoils, and make a clean getaway. Sunday is the day of ease. The day of rewards. Treasures to behold! Remember to bring a portfolio when you pick up your commissions to safely stow your newly acquired gems. Sunday truly is the most relaxed day of the three. You can show up later, stay for as long as you want and leave when you like, secure in the knowledge that you squeezed everything you wanted out of this weekend. We actually ended up staying for almost the entire day because of several opportunities (including one of the Best Of’s below) which were NOT to be missed!

Best Con Oops!: Phil Noto – The Zinda Blake Colouring Incident

VENUS: The first day of ECCC I always head to Tim Sale’s table. But Ian’s priorities change each year, depending on who’s in attendance. This year after learning that his #1 priority (Greg Capullo) was running behind, Ian rushed over to Phil Noto’s table to secure a Lady Blackhawk commission for me. (Best husband ever.) We initially agreed on a Saturday morning pick up, which ended up being postponed a day.

On Sunday morning we headed back to Phil’s table. He started off by saying he had woken up crazy early to finish my piece, but that he’d made a mistake. My heart sank as I fake-smile/winced in anticipation of the bad news to come. Turns out he accidentally coloured my commission (worth $200) when we had originally agreed on a greyscale (for $100). As a result I got an amazing, coloured Lady Blackhawk for half the price. Bad news for Phil, great news for me!

Best Looking Table: Jaime S. Rich & Joëlle Jones

VENUS: This is consistent year after year. Joëlle Jones is THE cutest lady! And Jaime is always well dressed and smiling. Both are gracious and lovely people, not to mention they had a table full of comic goodies and prints. A great table I visited several times, and definitely the easiest on the eyes.

IAN: I agree. Rich and Jones (a redhead this year!) always have their shit TO-GE-THER. They’d better keep bringing their A-game though, because power-couple Matt Fraction and Kelly Sue DeConnick are rocking an adorable retro-hipster chic that is just SO in this season!

Best Last-Minute Commission: Matt Wagner – Lady Blackhawk

VENUS: My loose ends at ECCC always involve stray comics sans signatures and on Sunday, Matt Wagner was the last signature I needed to get on some Madame Xanadu comics he’d written. When we visited his table, I learned that he’s a kick-ass artist as well! Ian warned that I would have a void in my Lady Blackhawk commission collection if I missed the opportunity to get one done my Mr. Wagner. Boy, was he right about that! We pooled our few remaining Andrew Jacksons for this one last commission and it was the complete opposite of regrettable. Yes!

IAN: Yeah, heading home from a comic-con with more than $20 in your wallet is nothing short of complete failure. Matt Wagner, a genius with red and black, absolutely killed it for Venus at the end of the show.

Best Hustler: Greg Horn

IAN: I’ve never seen someone work a convention like Greg Horn. He’s like Vince the Slap-Chop guy and Billy Mays combined, only not a convicted felon (that I know of) and not dead. I wouldn’t be surprised if Horn made more money than any other creator at that con.

VENUS: There was a crowd around Greg Horn’s table the entire weekend. Smack in the middle of it, Greg was there answering questions and signing comics all while selling and promoting his prints. He seemed happy, tireless and successful, earning him the title of Best Hustler.

Most Elusive: Kelly Sue DeConnick

IAN: I think we rolled by the Fraction / DeConnick table around ten times looking for Kelly Sue before we finally tracked her down. It was worth it though. She’s a funny lady with great stories to tell (ask her about Walt Simonson sometime) and more than happy to sign books and talk about her upcoming projects Captain Marvel and Ghost.

VENUS: She slipped through our grasp on every attempt until the very end. But our efforts were totally worth it. What a doll!

Best Hair: Francis Manapul

IAN: We’d been hearing about Manapul’s coif all con. Declarations of “Did you see Manapul’s hair?! It’s a REVELATION!” abounded. Well, we had to see it for ourselves. Lo and behold, it was everything we’d been hearing and so much more.

VENUS: Dude can draw, AND rock that ‘do.

Best Hug: Tim Sale

IAN: It was awesome. Right in the middle of Sale’s panel he pauses, looks over at Venus and goes “Hi Venus!” Totally rad. Well, I could lose my wife to worse people, you know? LOL!

VENUS: Best hug ever! Thanks to Tim Sale for my awesome Cassandra Cain Batgirl fast-pass. Squee!

And that’s it folks! Emerald City Comic-Con 2012 all wrapped up! We came, we saw, we’ll be eating Kraft Dinner for a month to pay for it all!

Stay tuned for our photo gallery of con-goodness, coming up in the next article!

– The Explosivos

PART ONE • PART TWO • PART THREE

WEEK 4

Batman #1 by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo

Mark: When Scott Snyder pitched for Batman, all he had to do was walk into the editor’s office and throw down a stack of his Detective Comics issues and say, “this is it.” The mood is perfect, the characters hit the right notes, Capullo’s art was killer (I wonder why they changed the cover though?)… great book.

Ian: This is the comic book of the year. It’s perfect in every way. Anyone who disagrees with me is a damn fool. Whether or not Nuv agrees with me, he’s still a damn fool.

Nuv: It’s unanimous. Batman does what he always does: stays several steps ahead and kicks the piss out of anyone in his way. Also, this issue will once again have people asking: “Where does he get those wonderful toys?”

Birds of Prey #1 by Duane Swierczynski and Jesus Saiz

Mark: Better than I expected, but still not good enough to continue on with.

Ian: Not bad but not great. The art is pretty standard, as is the story. I don’t like the new line-up but that’s because there will never be a better team-up than Black Canary, Lady Blackhawk and Huntress. But what about the team-up of Ian and Nuv? Ha, ha, ha. GOOD ONE ASSHOLE!

Nuv: Bitches doin’ ho shit. No, not Birds of Prey. I was talking about Ian and Mark. BOP is fine. The script is not retarded, it looks great and it doesn’t really stick with you when you’re done. So, basically, it’s like the ideal woman.

Blue Beetle #1 by Tony Bedard and Ig Guara

Ian: I can see young readers and aficionados of goofy Spanish phraseology being ALL OVER THIS BOOK. Know what I mean Papi? Nuv lame los testículos del burro! Anyhoo, Tony Bedard writes a fun introduction to the character and Ig Guara’s pencils look like Gabriel Rodriguez’s best stuff. Nice!

Nuv: *Que tu madre se secó hacia delante y se quedó embarazada de usted, pedazo de mierda.
Y que es lo que come, come algo de mierda.
Tu eres más feo que el culo de un mono. Tirate a un poso! (Duro.)
Blue Beetle sólo no aspira, en comparación con usted, Blue Baboso!*

Mark: Nuv is awful. This wasn’t. That said, the way Jaime Reyes was introduced the first time around was great. I would have preferred if things had picked up in media res, rather than going with a hard reboot/origin story. And Paco as a gangbanger sucks as much as Spanish-Battle-Rap-Nuv says Ian does.

Captain Atom #1 by JT Krul and Freddie Williams II

Ian: Another book that (like Nuv) I thought would be a big waste of time and money. Nope! Guess what? It kinda rules. I don’t know how J.T. Krul could do such an awful job on Green Arrow and then write something TOTALLY PASSABLE with this one, but it doesn’t matter. Freddie Williams II’s art looks like a cross between Francis Manapul and Scott Morse, so I’d definitely like to see more.

Nuv: Proper! The story is smart and the art is crazy awesome. And sure enough, like I predicted, this take on Captain Atom has shades of Watchmen’s Dr. Manhattan, himself an analogue for Captain Atom. Oh, and Mark was too lazy to read it, but that’s okay. Here’s what he would’ve said – “It was really good, so I didn’t like it. Also, I wear glasses and am a dink.”

Mark: FINE, I’LL READ IT! [5 minutes later, co-incidentally the amount of time it takes in the new DCU to age about 12-14 years; see Nightwing #1 below…] Did anything happen in this comic? Seriously, I was suffering from severe 52-fatigue when I read it.

Nuv: That wasn’t 52-fatigue. That was Ian and his bag o’ roofies…

Catwoman #1 by Judd Winnick and Guillem March

Mark: This book made Hawk & Dove #1 look good. Enough has been said about this book on other sites that I would prefer to just try to forget it exists, much like my time with these two cretins.

Ian: This is the most confusing comic of all time. On one hand, the book is slutty and completely offensive. On the other, it’s kick ass and pretty much owns every other New 52 title so far. Guillem March’s pencils and inks are amazingly dymanic, but Tomeu Morey should be taken out behind DC’s barn and shot for being so inconsistent on the colours. And the sex scene? I’m not going anywhere NEAR that one.

Nuv: But I will! In fact, I already did! Here’s what I said then: “DC’s Catwoman and Red Hood are ‘THE END OF THE WORLD!!’ You’re not wrong guys, but it has nothing to do with Catwoman and Batman fucking. It’s because they’re shitty comics. You can just say that instead of burning a bra and hating sex because you don’t get any. Cool?”

So stop being Tipper Gore. Unless you caught the non-applause type of clap, are hate-fucking an ex or an ex’s best friend, or woke up next to Ian’s gross goat-heap of a mother, don’t get mad about sex. Get mad about bad comics. This message brought to you by MY BAT-BALLS, CAT-BITCHES!!!

DC Universe Presents #1 (Featuring Deadman by Paul Jenkins & Bernard Chang)

Mark: Back when we were first talking about these books I said that, as an anthology book, this would likely flop. If this is an indication of the quality of the series, it shouldn’t flop… but probably still will. Enjoy it while you can, kids!

Ian: There’s only ONE stuntman that could capture my heart, and he’s got a FLAMING SKULL FOR A HEAD and rides the most boss motorcycle ever imagined. Sorry Boston Brand, I gotta give SOME of my money to Marvel. Plus, the best thing about this title is that it’s an acronym that spells out “D CUP.” Amirite? Fellas-that-aren’t-Nuv?

Nuv: Deadman is an awesome and unique character, and the creative team kills it. I knew it would be so. I mean, have YOU ever cum come across a D CUP and not enjoyed it?

Green Lantern Corps #1 by Tony Bedard and Tyler Kirkham

Mark: I’ll be honest with you here. I didn’t even read this. Green Lantern proved to me that I just don’t care about GL any more, so I see no reason to bother with this.

Ian: I read about four pages of this comic before I gave up. The art is gross, the story is boring and everything is just way too green. There’s a reason the Green Lantern movie tanked, and that reason is because Ryan Reynold’s eyes are too close together. Oh, and because Green Lantern SUCKS.

Nuv: They should release a comic called Green Lantern Corpse about me killing Ian and burying him in a Green Lantern costume as a sign of disrespect. That sentence right there? More happened in it than in the real GLC comic.

Legion of Super Heroes #1 by Paul Levitz & Francis Portela

Ian: Unrecognizable “heroes”, badly coloured cruddy art and a story that absolutely no one will want to continue reading for free, much less pay for. Mark my words, if this book reaches a sixth issue I’ll eat my hat. Tell us how you really feel Ian! I feel like Nuv could work harder at not being such a dong hole.

Mark: I don’t remember anything about this comic. I know I read it. But… nothing. That can’t be a good sign.

Nuv: This was the greatest comic ever! Hahahaha! Just jokin’. Just jokin’, I’m not jokin’. Just jokin’, I AM jokin’.

Mark: …

Nuv: “Michael Jackson. A million dollars. You feel me? …holler!”

Mark: … [looks at Ian]

Ian: … [shrugs] I don’t know. I think he’s broken.

Mark: What are…

Nuv: They’re hooks. Something this comic doesn’t have.

Nightwing #1 by Kyle Higgins and Eddy Barrows

Mark: In DC’s new “five year history,” Dick was able to be a Robin, become Nightwing, spend “the last year” filling in for Batman, and is now Nightwing again.

Ian: If you read this entire comic under the assumption that Dick Grayson is gay, it’s a LOT better. It explains the art and the fact he spends the whole issue talking about Bruce Wayne and saying stuff like “I really dig the new loft.” and “Now I’m curious.”

Nuv: It’s not as good as the best Bat-titles and not as shitty as the worst, fitting for “Not-Quite-Batman/No-Longer-Robin.” I’m surprised you two jags didn’t like it more though, what with your love of Dicks and all.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #1 by Scott Lobdell and Kenneth Rocafort

Mark: Sigh.

Nuv: Whatever, Mark! I’m offended that people are offended by this, on behalf of all airhead sluts everywhere! Isn’t this the new diverse DCU? Don’t they deserve representation too?! I mean it’s not like they’re in wheelchairs or something as unimportant as THAT. (Right, Batgirl #1?) They’re people too, and if all they wanna do is be orange, fuck dicks, snort coke and puke up meals to make room for more sperm, well, that’s their Tyra Banks-given right.Right? Anyways, the least I can do is stand up for them after so many of them have knelt down and bent over backwards for me…

Oh, but, yeah. The comic itself is a pile of homeless man alley shit.

Ian: I’m on the record as a fan of Kenneth Rocafort’s art but, much like Mark’s skull and fake scrotum, this book rings a little hollow for some reason.

Supergirl #1 by Michael Green, Mike Johnson and Mahmud Asrar

Mark: This Supergirl #1 was better than the last Supergirl #1, I’ll give it that much. It was certainly a good set up. I just wish it had been more than one scene long. Ian often hears variations of the previous sentence after sex.

Ian: AWESOME! Mahmud Asrar’s art looks a LOT like a certain Mr. Tim Sale (Lost at sea? Eaten by bears? In a coma from listening to Mark drone on and on?) and the story is gonna feature a no-bullshit kick-ass Kara. I wish this site featured a no-bullshit Nuv, but there’s no such thing.

Nuv: This is good as hell! Asrar’s art is nutty, to the point that he’s even got the costume growing on me. (Though I was looking at the knee-holes in Supergirl’s boots and wondering – did they mix up which Kryptonian to give the kneepads to?) Plus: Siberia!

Wonder Woman #1 by Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang

Ian: I think I read one (?) issue of 100 Bullets, so the wave of joy that swept over everyone when Brian Azzarello was announced as the new Wonder Woman writer missed me. But you know what? That’s okay because I read this book fresh and it was awesome. Oh, and Cliff Chiang can draw like nobody’s business. Why Mark’s face looks like that is also NOBODY’S BUSINESS!

Mark: Thanks, Warwick Davis! I have to say, Wonder Woman was… a let down. When Brian Azzarello started billing this as a horror book, he clearly hadn’t read any of Snyder’s or Lemire’s scripts. Or perhaps, ever seen a horror movie. Using creatures of myth doesn’t turn your book into a horror story… especially not when your protagonist is rooted in mythology. Ian has scarier things living in his beard.

Nuv: Mark, you see what you’re making me do here? You’ve forced my hand into agreeing with Willow Ian. This is EASILY the coolest Wonder Woman’s ever been! This comic is fast and fresh. Kick-ass, no prisoners. Drop dead gorgeous and sharp. Epic without being heavy. And Cliff Chiang’s neck-and-neck with Flash’s Francis Manapul as they race around terrorizing the world with lethal linework and layouts. Let down? Fuckin’ let me back UP. I can’t wait to read #2. You motherfuckers can read MY #2. It’s been strategically placed somewhere that will ensure it winds up in your mouths.

– The Big Three

*roughly translated from Spanish:
“Your mom wiped forward and got pregnant with you, you piece of shit.
And you are what you eat, so eat some shit.
You are uglier than the ass of a monkey. throw yourself in a hole. (Hard.)
Blue Beetle only doesn’t suck in comparison to you, Blue Retard.”

NEXT ISSUE: MORE #1′S WITH THE BIG THREE!
MARK (HEH) OFF YOUR CALENDARS AND TUNE IN: TOMORROW! SAME IAN-TIME, SAVE NUV-CHANNEL…

Miss Teen USSR: Venus, you old so and so! It’s been too long since we’ve collabo’d. (New moms save energy and sleep by unnecessarily shortening words.) One of the last times I saw you, you gave us the best baby gift ever – a beautiful handmade blanket with the Superman symbol knit into it, that also doubles as a cape for when she’s older or a tantalizing prop for when Nuv is drunk and playful. So, really you owe me nothing. But I have a favour to ask – our girl needs a Superhero. SO, can you, in a quick and dirty fashion, break down the finest of the female heroes (and villains) for me?

Venus: There are too many! To keep this from becoming a seven-part column, I’ll just cover some of the main DC characters. (And I know you’re a DC girl. I used to be a Marvel girl but I converted to DC because of the strong female characters. I’m not saying Marvel doesn’t have any, I just have absolutely no time for the pinings of Spidey’s mopey MJ or Emma Frost’s stupid outfits. None.)

All Incarnations of Batgirl: High standards are expected of anyone who dons the Bat Symbol. From Bette Kane to Barbara Gordon to Cassandra Cain to Stephanie Brown, Batgirl is always an up-and-coming young lady with a lot on her plate and a lot to prove as the Bat Clan (Batman(s), Nightwing, Red Robin, Robin etc.) are not easily impressed or convinced. All versions of Batgirl are also trained and dispatched by Barbara Gordon, yet another tough mentor. Babs was the second/most well-known Batgirl and is currently operating as…

Oracle: The daughter of Commissioner Jim Gordon, she got shot in the stomach and paralyzed from the waist down by The Joker. Instead of giving up she became the all-seeing, ball-busting Oracle, info-techie extraordinaire. Even though she’s in a wheelchair, she still rocks the smokin’ hot redhead thing, can still kick some ass and doesn’t take shit from anyone, not even Batman. (Because hey, sometimes Batman is just an interfering, old-school, grumpy old man.) Smart, sassy and always kicking down the door to the old boys club, she now commands the toughest group of female crime fighters in the DCU…

The Birds of Prey: Black Canary, Huntress, and Lady Blackhawk can fight alongside the best of the boys AND they look better doing it. When written by Gail Simone, they often stuff their faces with food after a good fight. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. A crime-fighting gal has to eat!

Batwoman: She’s a lesbian, she doesn’t feel the need to roll with Batman, and she’s a solid badass.

Lois Lane: She’s not a Superhero. She doesn’t have super powers. She doesn’t need ‘em. Another gal who doesn’t take any crap, she also makes Superman weak in the knees, just by being her firecracker self. And she’d probably give J. Jonah Jameson a run for his money.

Catwoman: Now, it’s time for a bad girl, and you can’t go wrong with the cat. She runs circles around Batman and delights in doing so. She does what she wants, which means she’s “good” from time to time, but usually what she wants involves thievery, precious shiny objects, smooches, and skin-tight leather.

Harley Quinn: Nooooo! She’s a tag-a-long character that is second string to The Joker, who incidentally and occasionally uses her as the punch line. No thanks. This goes for any other female character that only has the capacity to function as archvillain arm candy. At least do your own thing like Poison Ivy. Ivy will play along if she wants to but usually has her own agenda.

USSR: Nice! So many options. I do love me some Lois Lane – nice recognition there. How awesome would it be to have a husband that can make you s’mores with his feckin’ EYES? And there’s no way Superman is a dud in bed… Ahem, back to business. Typically boys are “given” or “bequeathed” sports teams and Superheroes when they’re small. So, based on all that you know and all that you hold dear, who would you choose as the best Superhero for my girl?

Venus: Hands down, no questions asked, I pick…

Wonder Woman: She is a classic choice and not without good reason.
1. Family values: Her mother and her sisters, she’s fiercely loyal to her fellow amazons.
2. Honors women: Living (in the DCU) proof that women can do anything, and a reminder to women that they don’t have to put up with being mistreated. Would Wonder Woman let her man push her around? Hellz no. WWWWD!
3. Peaceful warrior: One of the greatest fighters ever and a true warrior, but fights out of necessity and always for peace.
4. Loves unconditionally: She probably cares more for the human race than most humans do. She always thinks the best of everyone, even at their worst. (During Blackest Night, Wonder Woman was even deputized by a Star Sapphire ring and she was able to break free from Black Lantern’s clutches.)
5. Rock-solid convictions: Yeah, she has them.
6. But: She’ll kill you if she has to.

USSR: Man, I thought you might choose her. I need to get over how snoozy I think her story is – mythology is not hard. My brain just anaesthetizes itself once words like “centuries ago” and “Earth spirit” are mentioned. But the merch is certainly plentiful, she is brave and bold and holds her own, and I’d be proud if Stella encapsulated all those traits when she grows up. Aaaand, Nuv bought me some excellent pieces from MAC’s Wonder Woman collection, and they rule. Hard. Now, I must ask then, what’s your take on the new WW TV show?

Venus: I am a little concerned and honestly I’m not expecting it to live up to my standards. Actually, I’m expecting to hate it. Adrianne Palicki will be a skinny-mini Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman is an AMAZON and if she doesn’t look like she just stepped out of a Terry Dodson drawing then she needs to beef up.

Can’t we just have the Cobie Smulders version of Wonder Woman as seen below? At least that costume is awesome and Smulders is sufficiently beefy, but still sexy. I do not approve of the plastic-y and cheap looking Halloween getup she’s sporting in the first photos that were released. [Ed. Note: Based on this video and the pic below, it looks like they’ve re-jigged it slightly…but this script review sound pretty horrifying.]

Also, of all the comic book continuities, did they really have to bring in a love interest? That is so formulaic it makes me want to barf. I betcha there won’t be enough action scenes either. Apparently Wonder Woman is to have three ‘identities,’ is a capitalist and has a CSI team that lives in her basement? Give me a freakin’ break.

USSR: I loved Palicki’s last TV show, Friday Night Lights, so I think that’s keeping me from outright hating the whole shebang. I’ll definitely watch at least the pilot when it airs. And maybe by then Stella will have a tangible attention span, and be able to sit beside me and watch it too.

As always, it’s been a pleasure picking your comic-loving brain for my own selfish purposes. Give your old man a smack upside the head for Nuv and me.

– The Big Four

Ian: Yowza! I had to think about this question for about four milliseconds. Zinda Blake aka Lady Blackhawk! Or Zatanna. Or any of the Birds of Prey I suppose. Or Black Cat! Wait a minute, how did this question get so hard to answer? Okay, if I have to narrow it down I’ll go with my first pick, but that costume has to rock an authentic flight jacket, complete with hat and short skirt and everything. Hey lady, no one said it would be easy! You offered!

Nuv: Four milliseconds is not just the amount of time Ian takes to “think” about the act ladies. Consider yourselves warned…

Oh, and: Wonder Woman.

Pew-Pew! FUCK!
Favourite Ever Comics-Based Superhero Video Game

Ian: It’s gotta be Arkham Asylum doesn’t it? I can’t even imagine a game that better captures the spirit of comics. I tore through that game in a matter of days, imagining that every Joker-goon face was Nuv’s slack-jawed mug, before kicking it with my size huge boot. Oh the good times!

Nuv: Ian needs either a video game or a stepladder AND stilts to reach my face with his boots. His pick is the correct one though. Arkham Asylum is bananas! I can’t wait for the sequel in October.

If You Tell Anyone, You’re Fucking Dead!
Name a Comic You’re Ashamed to Admit You Read

Ian: I’d have to say it’s a two-way tie between Optic Nerve and Palookaville. Both are self-centered, navel-gazing emo comics written and illustrated by self-centered, navel-gazing emo creators (Adrian Tomine and Seth respectively). So why do I buy them? Because both artists are at the top of their games, and their stories have a lot more depth than the standard “hero in red cape crushes bad guy with car. Panel two should say KA-BLAMMO!” I’m waxing poetic on all your asses right now!

Nuv: Barring hanging out with this meat curtain, I actually stop doing things if they bring feelings of shame. I’m not ashamed of it, but I’ve regretted Justice League of America for like 20 issues or so. It’s that one title I’ve ALWAYS bought, so I kept buying it, even while Superman and the other heavy hitters were replaced by losers like Congorilla and his gay, blue best friend Starman III. This is Detroit all over again…

Guess what though? Willpower, motherfuckers! I dropped it last week, and I’m not buying it again until either Congorilla gets poached or “writer” James Robinson does.

Anyway, does that count? I don’t know. If I read Scarlet, this would’ve been an easier question to answer. Who the hell would stoop to THAT level though…

He’s, Like, Fucking Shakespeare!
Favourite Writer (Right Now)

Ian: It was a toss-up between Brian Michael Bendis on New Avengers / Scarlet, or Victor Gischler on the newly rebooted X-Men book. And the winner? The man from Baton Rouge, Louisiana… VICTOR GISCHLER! Gischler came busting out of the gate six months ago with a high five for everyone who likes vampires in their funnybooks (Me!), and a middle finger for the whining pussies who cry themselves to sleep listening to Death Cab for Cutie (Nuv.)

Nuv: On another day, I might’ve answered Geoff Johns or Jason Aaron. Today? Rick Remender. Uncanny X-Force is utterly unique and absolutely amazing. I find myself angry after each issue ends, but only because I don’t have the next issue immediately in reach. And Jerome Opéna’s art shines even brighter than Remender’s writing. “There’s no reason not to pick this motherfucker up, half-pint!” Oh, yeah that does apply to X-Force, I guess, but I was actually quoting Transmission, the chick-with-a-dick Ian cruises bi-(heh)-weekly. The next sentence was “How do you even see over the steering wheel, you fuckin’ Hobbit? You sitting on textbooks or some shit?”

I Fucking Love that Scribbler!
Name an Artist You Love but Have Never Mentioned Before

Ian: Here we go again! Chris Bachalo from X-Men, come on down! You are the next contestant on the Wheel of Ian’s Comic-Book-Related-Man-Crushes! Oh man, Marvel made this guy draw the dumbest shit ever when he started out with that company. Ghost Rider 2099 anyone? Also, Ultimate X-Men. Ultimate?! That shit doesn’t even count as real comics! Anyway calm down. NO YOU CALM DOWN! I love Chris Bachalo and his layouts on X-Men are some of the greatest pages Marvel has printed in years.

Nuv: I have about a million artists that would fit the criteria but I’m saving them for (shameless plug) next month’s State-Of-The-Art Gallery in this very column! Instead, I’ll second your motion that Chris Bachalo is amazing and hit you with two of my favourite covers of his to make my point. BAM!

– The Big Two

NEXT ISSUE: MORE QUESTIONS, MORE CUSSING! TUNE IN: SAME IAN-TIME, SAME NUV-CHANNEL…

Tip #1 – Work It
Some comic artists (male and female) are still a little (and happily) surprised to see a woman come up to their table. Most artists just seem more responsive to a woman and tend to remember who you are, which especially helps if you’ve requested a commission from said artist. I know, I know, but I don’t mean lean over the table with your tits out. I mean make eye contact, give a big smile, shake their hand if they’re not busy working on a sketch and be polite. This never fails with me and though this advice will work for dudes as well, LADIES, the plain fact that you’re not another average to heavier-than-average white dude TOTALLY helps, so work it and get the most out of each interaction.

Tip #2 – Proper Footwear
You will be walking and standing on a hard, convention center surface ALL DAY. Don’t kid yourself, just wear your comfiest shoes that aren’t UGG boots (so over and why in the first place anyway?) and be happy about it at the end of the day when you don’t have to limp back to the hotel room. If you are in costume, the meaning of ‘proper’ differs a bit. The best costumes are the ones that are closest to 100% accurate. So if heels are required, better wear ‘em. Luckily, a lot of crime-fighting babes are sensible enough to fight in non-stiletto boots now. Whether in costume or not, choose your footwear accordingly.

Tip #3 – Find A Grocery Store
You will not want to eat the food they serve at the Con. Nor will you want to pay for it. What you will want to do is find a grocery store, get some easy, portable healthy snacks (think granola bars, apples and carrot sticks) and have them at the ready next to your bottle of water. That way you won’t get stuck trying to decide if you’d rather pay too much for a shitty slice of pizza, a shitty burger or a shitty hotdog with your bottle of cola when all of a sudden you get dizzy and there are too many people around you and you can’t make it to the exit to find a decent restaurant to eat. (All of which will be packed with assholes who decided they were hungry at exactly the same time you did. One hour wait? I’m surprised there weren’t more pen-eye stabbings.) A quick bite of something healthy will give you the strength to gracefully slip out, walk a few blocks to a decent eatery and NOT kill the next guy you see in a Green Lantern t-shirt.

Tip #4 – Know Why You’re There
If you are going to dress in costume, don’t expect to get anything done. Don’t expect to be left alone to check out vendors, talk to artists, writers etc. Everyone will want to take your picture and you better or YOU are the asshole. If you have an agenda and a big to-do list, being incognito will best enable you to weave through the crowd, undetected, to your next destination. Also, enjoy the people-watching but remember that you are in the same bubble of nerd-dom while at the Con so keep your snickering to yourself and not within earshot.

Tip #5 – Have A Game Plan
It matters when you get there. It matters when you get in line. It matters where you head first when the doors open. If you fail, you may very well miss your opportunity to get what you want out of the show. Familiarize yourself with the show floor so that you know where your favourite celebrities / artists / writers / vendors will be. If you are going with the intention of acquiring commissions from artists, prioritize, have a budget and yes, you will have to wait over an hour in line before the Con opens to get onto some big name commission lists. (BTW, all commissions are ‘requests’ made to the artist and they don’t owe you shit. If they don’t want to do it, they won’t do it. If they are too busy or their list is full, they won’t do it. Don’t be a dick about it, they work hard and it probably sucks sitting at a table in a busy room all day while person after person asks for a piece of you like they feel they deserve it….. See Tip #1.)

Tip #6 – Come Prepared
Do you want certain comics signed in silver Sharpie? Then bring one. Have a tendency to get headaches? Ibuprofen. Fluctuating temperatures? Dress in layers. Your own comfort is key to your stamina while at the show.

Tip #7 – Do Not Dress Up As Harley Quinn Or Poison Ivy
Too. Many. Girls. Too many! I’ve attended ECCC for a few years now and every year, without fail there are several ladies dressed as their ‘favorite’ or ‘easiest-costume-to-achieve’ DC villainess. Boring. Those 2 are the only costumes I got tired of seeing. There were some other repeats but choose Harley Quinn or Poison Ivy and it’s guaranteed you will be compared to the other 6-10 duplicates roaming around. Be creative! Be brave, just choose carefully. The trailing runner up to these two for most popular women’s costume choice would be Black Canary, but fishnets and leather don’t seem to get old. And as for the dudes, Deadpool? REALLY?

Tip #8 – Do Not Bring Your Newborn
Do I need to explain this? The convention is a loud, busy, crowded place. Why are you even at the show if you gave birth two hours ago? Shouldn’t you be taking it easy? Do you really need to get your picture taken with Shatner or The Boondock Saints that badly? As child-free awesome as I am, this tip is very much for the mother’s (make that parent’s) best interest. You will not have a good time. I promise.

Tip #9 – Don’t Be A Hero
Take breaks when you need them. Being at the show can be very overwhelming and if you need to get some fresh air, sit down, hit the bathroom or EAT SOMETHING, do not wait. You don’t want to burn out. You have all weekend and with very few exceptions, most guests/vendors will be there the whole weekend. You don’t want to spend one day recovering from the previous, you’ll miss out!

Tip #10 – Have Fun
This is why you are going. Don’t forget to have fun! Because it’s a whole lot of fun. Don’t stress out or crash or be mean. Just enjoy!
(Also, this is one of very few places where there is absolutely NO line up for the women’s washroom. Rejoice!)

– Venus

We waited around until they let us in! Unlike last year, the Con was three days instead of just two! Friday and Sunday were fairly calm and Saturday went ballistic ape-shit! None of this stuff is particularly interesting but I felt it should be included in my well-rounded report. Also, I am a Leo who LOATHES tomato soup!

First: pics of stuff I don’t talk about that’s still NEAT-O FOR YOUR EYES, YOU GUYS!!

Second: get to the good stuff!

Adam Hughes was there! Gentleman, scholar and all-round God-amongst-men when it comes to drawing fantastic racks. I’m so happy he attended this year’s Con I could just explode! He signed my Catwoman No. 45 and the pin-up he did in Fables No. 100, pointing out the special little Easter Egg on the envelope in Snow White’s hand. Neat-o!

Waaaaait a sec…how did the organizers score Adam Hughes, Frank Cho, Terry AND Rachel Dodson and NOT run a panel called “Tits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”? Some of you may be offended with that last question, but should recognize that women’s bodies are awesome and then check themselves before they wreck themselves.

Speaking of Terry and Rachel Dodson: They seemed pretty unimpressed all weekend, so maybe they weren’t having the best time? Maybe they were being blackmailed and were attending the Con against their will? Whatever the case, as much as I love them both (waaaaay more than most members of my extended family) I can’t help wondering if my short interaction with them wasn’t a case of “you should never meet your heroes.” Meh, WHATEVS!

Hold up, let me talk about something here. You know who rules? Max Brooks. He’s the guy who wrote the two best books ever written on zombies (The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z). We talked to him for a bit while getting a book signed for Venus (you can sneak a peek tomorrow in her post) and then we attended his zombie panel where he rocked it every bit as funny as his dad and every bit as foxy as his mom. Okay, maybe not the last part.

Meeting Jim Mahfood was as awesome as you would expect. He pulled out his super fat graffiti marker and went to work on my copy of Stupid Comics No. 1, triumphantly proclaiming it “Destroyed!” before handing it back to me. Did you know that he makes free, downloadable mixed tapes too? You should check it out if you like eclectic jazz and hip-hop.

Oh and Frank Quitely. I secretly don’t like your stuff very much. What with your skinny, weedy little pen lines and Jamie Grant’s awful inks and colours… But then I meet ya and I find out you’re the nicest guy ever. So what’s a person to do? I’m still the only fanboy not buying your comics, but I sure do appreciate how much you’ve increased the value of my Daredevil collection by signing No. 65 for me! Not that I’d ever sell it, of course.

Holey moley did Venus and I ever buy a crapload of awesome prints from new artists! Some notable dudes that you absolutely MUST check out are John Tyler Christopher, Eric Canete, Christopher Uminga, Joe Quinones, Jeremy Haun and Scott Kikuta. We came home with something from each of them and now they can pay their rent! Win-win!

PONDER THE FOLLOWING: You wouldn’t think that someone who got as screwed over as Chris Samnee (read about the Thor: The Mighty Avenger fiasco if you want to get super grumpy) would be as accommodating and pleasant as he is. I guess a guy with that much talent is never going to be out of work in this industry, but man, did Marvel ever fuck up by cancelling this title. Samnee rocked out all three days, doing commissions and sketches and generally being the embodiment of everything that makes Comic-Cons fun.

Also, Skottie Young, what a prince! Seriously, Venus got a beautiful Lady Blackhawk commission from him so we ended up talking to him a few different times and man, what a super funny guy. V offered to pay him ahead of time for his work and he told her “No, if everyone pays me ahead of time I’ll just run off. I’m not an artist, I’m an extortionist!” Seriously, if you ever meet him, you’ll know why his work is so good-natured.

On the other hand, Clay Mann and Paul Azaceta are a couple of dudes who need to take themselves a LOT less seriously. Jesus, I came across these two sketching away at their respective tables with absolutely no one in sight. So I went up to them super politely (like I do with everyone I approach) and both of them a) acted like I was completely interrupting them and b) proceeded to act like the comics I had brought – both older issues of Daredevil – were somehow “not worthy.” Azaceta was dismissive, which I can understand because his art in the issue (No.106) sucks. Mann, on the other hand, started ranting about how much he can’t stand his issue (No.111) and how it’s all the inker’s fault. Real classy pal. Oh, and for the record? Stefano Gaudiano is an excellent inker. You’re the guy who tried to emulate Michael Lark and failed. Zinged!

But here we go. I only had one mission for the whole weekend: Have Ed Brubaker sign my copy of Immortal Iron Fist No. 1. I loudly declared that I was Captain Ahab and Brubaker my Moby Dick. “You’re going to KILL THE BRU?!” questioned Venus. Of course not, silly!

At last year’s Con I had co-creator Matt Fraction sign it early before getting properly screwed on the last day by The Bru’s horrific line-up. This year I spent the first two days abandoning equally daunting lines only to arrive first thing on Sunday, comic in hand and resolution firmly set in mind. The march to the back! The table in sight and YES! First in line! A line that backed way the fuck down the aisle seconds later. I had done it! And yet the pimp-slap of near-disaster was still to be delivered. Bendis and The Bru, the partners in crime, were an hour late. Fat guys with short boxes were huffing and puffing, making half-hearted threats to abandon the line like I had done so many times in the past (five in total). But I was resolute in my conviction and spent some of the time kidding around with Matt Fraction nearby.

Some Fan: Hey Matt, you’re setting a bad example by showing up on time.

Matt Fraction: Yeah, I don’t have that whole “contempt for my readers” thing that the others have.

Me: [Because he was sitting by himself with no one asking him for anything] I’d ask you to sign my copy of Iron Fist, but you already did last year.

Matt: Oh I did!

Me: You don’t remember me? I was the guy with this comic! [Holds up comic. Points at signature.]

Matt: Oh yeah! The guy with the comic! You stood in line and we had an awkward conversation!

Me: You remember!

Anyway, The Bru was eventually released from the Seattle PD drunk tank and signed my comic for me and now my life is complete. Emerald City Comic-Con 2011 TOTAL SUCCESS!

THE END.
NOPE! TO BE CONTINUED: COMMISSIONS & COSPLAY! VENUS… WITH A VENGEANCE!!! TOMORROW…

P.S. Tits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you haven’t heard of Cliff Chiang, you’ve almost certainly seen his work in the racks. From Green Arrow and Black Canary to Detective Comics to Supergirl, Chiang has been getting the job done for years; so much so, in fact, that his cover work has been hailed by critics as being some of the best in the business. Oh, and do we need to mention that he’s just completed an epic graphic novel based on Neil Young’s ‘Greendale?’ Basically, Cliff Chiang is to success what Nuv is to failure. At relatively young ages, both men are leaders in their respective fields.

So check it out! We’ve put together a gallery featuring the best of Cliff Chiang’s heroes, pin-ups, and assorted awesomeness. My favourites are anything with the Birds of Prey and, of course, Black Canary. Oh, and his Star Wars recruitment posters are nothing short of genius. DC Publisher Jim Lee might be an irresponsible, washed-up hack when it comes to meeting deadlines and illustrating a comic book in a timely manner, but he’s 100% correct when he says Chiang’s work will “melt your faces.” Hopefully it’ll melt Nuv’s too, because anything would be an improvement at this point.

Nuv: By ‘we,’ this walking herpe means ME. I put together the gallery, while Ian was being denied solo access to a height-restricted ride at the Westboro Baptist Carnival of Intolerance and Deformity. AKA The Explosivo Family Tree. AKA the rapey inbreds from ‘Deliverance.’ Ahem. For the record, my favourite pictures are the 12 Inch Remix series, nostalgia bombs that mash together superheroes and instantly recognizable 80’s album covers. His Batman covers are also consistent masterpieces. Ian, meanwhile, is consistently a piece of s#!%. F@¢% a segue: He could kill a page with four or five lines. Simple. Never simplistic. Simply perfect. Ladies and gentlemen (and Ian) let’s just let the pictures do the talkin’…

Behold: The Deadly Art of Cliff Chiang…

Put two in the air…

– The Big Two

NEXT ISSUE: BRRAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!!!!!! THE BIG FOUR RETURN!
TUNE IN: SAME VENUS-TIME, SAME MISS TEEN USSR-CHANNEL…

We rolled out of the rack at about 6:30am and headed up to the Convention Centre for 8:30am like we’d done in the past. But when we got there, we realized exactly how big the Con had become. The line-ups were already crazy and there were evil Convention Centre employees telling us to go get in a really long (and, frankly, pointless) line, so we ignored them and packed into the front with the other Intrepid Shapiros.

To entertain the mob, every now and then a door would open and a stormtrooper or Darth Vader himself would walk out and hold their arms up in the air. Some people would cheer. People who know how dangerous the Empire really is mumbled thinly veiled threats or booed outright. There is photographic  evidence of which side I was on (see Gallery below). FUCK THE GALACTIC EMPIRE! LUKE AND HAN FTW!

Anyhoo, the time finally arrived and we proceeded to walk NOT RUN!! to our destinations. Venus marched right over to say hello to her pal Tim Sale while I headed over to see Dustin Nguyen, who is not only ultra-kick ass, but a super nice guy too. He had a few prints for sale, two of which were cutesy stuff, but the third one was a hot ass collage of every redheaded super heroine all dog-piled together super sexy like. Well, you know I picked the one with the mini-DC kids because they’re so cute. JUST KIDDING YOU GUYS! I GOT THE GIRLS, JEEZ! Who knew there were so many redheads in comics?

After looking for the huge golden pedestal – I was sure the organizers had placed Greg Rucka and J.H. Williams III on a huge golden pedestal somewhere – I found them down amongst the commoners and approached the pair with my copy of Detective Comics (Batwoman) #854. And you know what? They’re just regular dudes. Regular dudes who write better stories than you could ever write and produce better art than you could ever produce. But other than that, just the same! So now this comic is worth more to me than my left kidney.

Stefano Gaudiano, it should be noted, is a gentleman and a scholar. For those who don’t know him, he worked with Brubaker and Lark on the Daredevil book after Bendis and Maleev left. Stefano graciously drew and inked a super sweet Daredevil for me, even though I just requested a fast pencil sketch if he had time. It was a real treat to see his crazy process, too. What a great guy!

Here’s something I’ve never seen at a Con before: Jo Chen, the amazing cover artist for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was actually writing receipts for everything everyone bought. Strange, no? She also has one of the best signatures ever, so I was happy to have her sign my copy of Buffy #19.

Venus and I both had to check out Mike and Laura Allred’s table because they rocked a great issue of Solo (which I own) and a couple of issues of Fables (which Venus owns). Also, I had heard they’re super nice people which turned out to be COMPLETELY TRUE. Honestly, I think it would be difficult for anyone to top just how friendly and engaging they both were. And, as if I wasn’t already excited enough about the upcoming I, Zombie, Laura lit up just talking about it, which made me even more stoked. Yes!

While waiting in line to see the Allreds, we came across the lovely Joelle Jones, whose work on Madame Xanadu is seriously off the chain! We didn’t even know she was going to be there either. The good thing for us (and not so much for her) was that the Allred’s line almost totally obscured her table. So what does that mean? That means that Venus got a couple of beautiful commissions, one Lady Blackhawk and one Madame Xanadu, with no line up or significant wait time. SWEEEEEEEEEEEET!

After killing a couple of hamburgers with our buddy (and local comic artist) Jason Copland, the three of us headed over to harass Phil Hester, who had brought some out-of-print compilations for Jason. While we were visiting, Phil was kind enough to do up a super-pissed-off Black Canary for Venus. It’s amazing watching these guys work! Like magic!

Despite his super creepy comics, Ben Templesmith is a cool cat and seemed even more excited about Venus’ tattoos than she was about his comics. And she’s a huge fan! So now she’s got a copy of Fell #1 signed by the man, who also drew the creepy ‘S’ symbol right on the cover. So, she should be protected now (read the book!)

After that we were getting pretty spaced out and spent the rest of the Con wandering around and taking pictures of funny stuff. Venus got her picture with Stan Lee…or, you know, beside a poster of Stan Lee because the real one was charging $60 which is wack slacks. All in all, a great first day.

What are you waiting for? Check out Ian & Venus’ Excellent Adventure Day Two here.